Future sister-in-law

jfham · February 2013

Do you have to have your future sister-in-law in the wedding party even if you aren't really friends?

GoodLuckBear14 · February 2013

No. If your FI wants her then she can stand on his side.

Also, you should look to see on which board your question would be most appropriate and post there. This one could have gone on Wedding Party, Moms and Maids, Etiquette or even Chit Chat. Whether your SIL is in your WP really has nothing to do with Receptions.

Hang around and read through some threads. You'll get a better feel for the boards and may even find answers to your questions.

lyndausvi · February 2013

no.

However, we did. I had only met them twice. It's pretty much tradtion for both of our families.   We had one of my brothers and my 2 nephews  as GM.

They are not drama queens and I didn't expect anything other than them getting the dress and show up.       Had they had a history of being difficult and drama queens we would not have had them in the WP. Actually one reaon my other brother was not in the WP was because he attracts drama (which he did, but it was not WP related).

I will say we viewed the WP as one, not "his side" and "her side". We together picked the WP.   We seem to be unique in that line of thinking.

JaxInBlue · February 2013

DH has three sisters and I am (naturally, I think) closet to the one who I am closest to in age/life cycle). I asked her to stand on my side. DH did not ask his sisters to stand on his side, though we did ask them to do readings. His brothers did stand up with him, on his side.

itzMS · February 2013

Nope.

DH has a sister, step sister, sister-in-law, and two brothers. None of them were in our wedding. We had them attend as guests.

This is something to discuss with your FI, as everyone's family dynamics are different.

CallaLily25 · February 2013

Nope, not at all. Depending on your relationship with her, it could be a nice guesture, but it's completely up to you.

AddieCake · February 2013

Yes.

I'm just kidding. Your wedding party should be made up of your nearest and dearest, not anybody you are not close to.

Jen4948 · February 2013

Not if you and she aren't close.

MrsToBe814 · February 2013

If he and her are close, it may be a nice gesture.. but if neither of you are very close with her I wouldn't bother. The wedding party is supposed to be made up of people you both are close with, not just having people because of formalities. You don't want to ask her and then have it be awkward to have to ask her to put out money for a dress, for a shower, a bachellorette party, and other expenses when neither of you are really close with her.

Sara G to be · February 2013

I wasn't asked for my brothers wedding. My feelings were extreamly hurt, but I was the only sibling. He married an only child and its just me and my brother. I was told through my mom that it was going to just be her 2 cousins. I said ok thats fine. then my mom comes back maybe a month later and said my brother off handedly mentioned one of her friends was going to be in the wedding. At their engagment party I was not allowed to bring my now FI at the time long time BF since it was "just family" well our family consists of my mom, brother and self so really what would one more person have been but fine so he can't come. Then while there her friend and freinds BF came to the dinner. she made a huge speech about how she couldn't get married with out this girl standing up there with her. I was in shock! the only sister and I got NOTHING! so her 2 cousins and her 2 friends. Mind you I would get the calls at 2 am with her crying over my brother and her complaining about anything bad he had ever done in there relationship but I wasn't asked to be in their weddding.

My point... Really think about it because while it is ur wedding this is going to be your new family as well. I no longer speak to my brohter, other things happened, but I will never forget how hurt I was by the both of them!

daveANDkristen · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_future-sister-in-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:ee6354a1-3335-45f6-ba01-625700eb9048Post:702f807b-bf70-4510-ad18-2c88428b8a21">Re: Future sister-in-law</a>:
[QUOTE]I wasn't asked for my brothers wedding. My feelings were extreamly hurt, but I was the only sibling. He married an only child and its just me and my brother. I was told through my mom that it was going to just be her 2 cousins. I said ok thats fine. then my mom comes back maybe a month later and said my brother off handedly mentioned one of her friends was going to be in the wedding. At their engagment party I was not allowed to bring my now FI at the time long time BF since it was "just family" well our family consists of my mom, brother and self so really what would one more person have been but fine so he can't come. Then while there her friend and freinds BF came to the dinner. she made a huge speech about how she couldn't get married with out this girl standing up there with her. I was in shock! the only sister and I got NOTHING! so her 2 cousins and her 2 friends. Mind you I would get the calls at 2 am with her crying over my brother and her complaining about anything bad he had ever done in there relationship but I wasn't asked to be in their weddding. My point... Really think about it because while it is ur wedding this is going to be your new family as well. I no longer speak to my brohter, other things happened, but I will never forget how hurt I was by the both of them!
Posted by Sara G to be[/QUOTE]

If you and your brother are close, he should have asked you to be on his side.

OP, it is in no way required for you to ask your FSIL to be a BM. My husband has only one sibling, a sister, as well as the PP I quoted. He is not close with her, and neither am I. She got married a few months after us, and neither of us was in each other's wedding. It's really fine. You should choose whoever you are closest to.

MoxieMickie · February 2013

You're not required. He can have her as a "groomsmaid" if he wants. It also seems like the biggest bridesmaids problems I hear about are related to "I didn't want her but was pressured to ask her."
I would be incredibly offended and hurt if someone tried to pressure me to have a sibling of FI's as a BM even though we aren't close. It certainly would damage my relationship with them and the FSIL for a long time.

jessicajimbo · March 2013

No. I'm not. Just have you are close to up there with you

MuppetOverlord · March 2013

I agree that you aren't required, but I also appreciate the sentiment of PP perspective of not being included.

It's easy for people to say that the groom can add them to his side, but it's not traditional or common at all. I'd look at that awkwardly. But she does have a point that your families are joining and perhaps it would be positive to examine the option if you want to be closer to her.

I'm trying to think of a wedding that I've been to where the sibilng wasn't included in the wedding party (brothers of brides on the the grooms side or sisters of grooms on the brides side) and the only one I can think of was a marriage of 2 only children.

I will say that in all but one of those cases, while the sibling may not have been close to the bride/groom at first, they became closer through the process and it helped meld the famiilies together. If you don't like her or don't want to use your wedding as that catalyst (there are plenty of other opportunities), you shouldn't feel obligated to invite her.

Future sister-in-law

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