Skipping the Parent Dances

em01092 · February 2012

So long story short, we decided to nix the parent dances because my dad isn't a big dancer, and FMIL has just been ridiculous about everything as of late. Even before all of this hooplah started, she was irritated because she and FI would not be doing some kind of "showy" dance like she sees on TV/YouTube videos her friends send her. FI does not dance, so they would have been doing the 6th grade sway anyway. Same with my dad and I. FI and I are not even doing anything "showy." We're just slow dancing. A few turns every now and then. Woooo.
Anyone else skipping them? I'm kind of sad about it, but at the end of the day, I think it was a good choice. Don't you think it'd be weird for me to do a dance with my dad and for FI not to dance with his mom?

lpowers1118 · February 2012

I don't think it would be weird if you danced with your dad and your FI didn't dance with his mom. I've been to 100+ weddings, as a guest and a photographer, and find that many grooms do not want to dance with the spotlight on them twice in once night. Don't feel that b/c you have seen somethinking like a mother son dance at weddings that it is a must use.

MairePoppy · February 2012

It would seem strange for your husband : ) and his mom to dance with each other, if they are still not speaking. You shouldn't have to skip your dance with your dad because of the situation with your FMIL.

em01092 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_skipping-the-parent-dances?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:29fff8ec-2934-4290-9076-675f2a496a4ePost:ada149d3-e4d0-4654-8bf9-cfe7c9975789">Re: Skipping the Parent Dances</a>:
[QUOTE]It would seem strange for <strong>your husband : </strong>) and his mom to dance with each other, if they are still not speaking. <strong>You shouldn't have to skip your dance with your dad because of the situation with your FMIL.</strong>
Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

<div>Haha you're right, he would be then wouldn't he? </div><div>
</div><div>And yeah, this was my original thought, but ugh. I just feel like she'd take it as a personal insult or something. It seems like it could piss her off even more and then she'd have ammo to be like, "Well I didn't get MY dance" to all the guests/her family, even though she told us she didn't want to, but others wouldn't know that she said that, KWIM?</div><div>
</div><div>Plus it's not like my dad is dying to do the dance. He would if I asked, but he was much more opinionated about walking me down the aisle (though again, he said he would have respected my decision if I had wanted to walk alone). </div><div>
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MrsGarrett87 · February 2012

We skipped the parents dancing stuff. I just ended up asking my dad to dance to a song later on while everyone was already dancing.

em01092 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_skipping-the-parent-dances?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:29fff8ec-2934-4290-9076-675f2a496a4ePost:63132689-4fcf-4988-a14e-0fbf95005616">Re: Skipping the Parent Dances</a>:
[QUOTE]We skipped the parents dancing stuff. I just ended up asking my dad to dance to a song later on while everyone was already dancing.
Posted by MrsGarrett87[/QUOTE]

<div>I think this is what we'll do. </div>

MairePoppy · February 2012

You are right, she would probably make a big deal of it to her family members.

I like the idea of asking your dad to dance while everyone else is dancing. You could let your photographer know in advance, so you'll still get that special picture.

em01092 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_skipping-the-parent-dances?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:29fff8ec-2934-4290-9076-675f2a496a4ePost:08a22728-3ecd-4c7c-a4a9-6c6ecd088014">Re: Skipping the Parent Dances</a>:
[QUOTE]You are right, she would probably make a big deal of it to her family members. I like the idea of asking your dad to dance while everyone else is dancing. You could let your photographer know in advance, so you'll still get that special picture.
Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah, I could definitely see her playing the "woe is me" card. And I will do that about the photographer! That way we still have the pictures. </div>

jaciforsman · February 2012

My FI doesn't want to dance with his mother and she is going to have a HUGE issue with it. I want to dance with my dad. To save a little bit of drama, we are just going to have 1 dance where my dad and I and FI and FMIL dance. Thats an idea if there is more drama with your FMIL.

LoveMuffins · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_skipping-the-parent-dances?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:29fff8ec-2934-4290-9076-675f2a496a4ePost:b905600a-589d-490c-b28f-298fa881d5d8">Re: Skipping the Parent Dances</a>:
[QUOTE]My dad has chosen not to be a part of my wedding/life and I am not going to be able to get the father/daughter dance. Despite all that my FI and FMIL demaids that she get her dance. Now, I feel that this is very rude and not taking my feelings into consideration. How do I handle this? I'd prefer to skip them all together but it seems like they are going to consider her happiness before mine. This break with my father is recent and I'm very torn up about it and don't quite know how to navigate this mess.
Posted by Vanessa Evans[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry to hear that you're having problems with your father, but personally I think it's pretty rude and selfish of you to take away the Mother/Son dance from your FH and his mom just because of your own personal situation. You want to remain on good terms with your future mother in law right? So why take away this special moment from her that obviously means a lot to both her AND your future husband? You say that you want them to take your feelings into consideration but you obviously aren't taking theirs into consideration. Just because you can't have something, your FH shouldn't get to have it either? I understand that you're hurting, but I hope you can see how selfish that is.

I hope that you and your father make up before the wedding or that you find some kind of alternative, such as a dance with your mom or a grandfather or brother or uncle, that makes you happy, but even if not I hope that you don't remain so selfish as to deprive someone else of their special moment just because you don't get to have yours.

toothpastechica · February 2012

We are not doing parent-child dances...as I have said before, as a guest, they are cute for a bout 30 seconds, then they are boring. I don't need that moment bad enough to make my guests endure a 3 minute song of watching me...its not as if they haven't watched me all day already!

Vanessa Evans · February 2012

maybe I should have been clearer. My FH doesn't want it as well but feels that he should make his mother happier - and I feel that he isn't considering the cost on me. And no, there will be no "make-up session" with me and my father. While it's recent it's also permanment, unfortunately. I'm not sure how to navigate this mess because she can be very persistent when she wants something and I'm trying to get some help from other people who chose not to do those dances as well and how they navigated the politics of that situation. Thank you for your opinion, however.

pattib5 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_skipping-the-parent-dances?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:29fff8ec-2934-4290-9076-675f2a496a4ePost:63132689-4fcf-4988-a14e-0fbf95005616">Re: Skipping the Parent Dances</a>:
[QUOTE]We skipped the parents dancing stuff. I just ended up asking my dad to dance to a song later on while everyone was already dancing.
Posted by MrsGarrett87[/QUOTE]
This is our plan as well.

There are just too many family sensitivities for us to do formal parent dances. My FI's mother would be upset if he danced with his step-mom, I have a step-dad and bio-dad I'll need to dance with ... we'd be out there all night exchanging dances. So we'll just grab dances with our parents informally sometime during the reception.

pattib5 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_skipping-the-parent-dances?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:29fff8ec-2934-4290-9076-675f2a496a4ePost:b905600a-589d-490c-b28f-298fa881d5d8">Re: Skipping the Parent Dances</a>:
[QUOTE]My dad has chosen not to be a part of my wedding/life and I am not going to be able to get the father/daughter dance. Despite all that my FI and FMIL demaids that she get her dance. Now, I feel that this is very rude and not taking my feelings into consideration. How do I handle this? I'd prefer to skip them all together but it seems like they are going to consider her happiness before mine. This break with my father is recent and I'm very torn up about it and don't quite know how to navigate this mess.
Posted by Vanessa Evans[/QUOTE]
I'm sorry to hear about the recent rift with your father! That said, if the mother-son dance is something your FMIL and FI have been looking forward to, why would you want to take that away from them? Just as you'd like them to take your feelings into consideration, why don't you try to do the same and take their feelings into consideration?

Do you have a grandfather, brother, uncle, dear friend that you could dance with in place of your father while your FI and his mom are dancing? What about your FFIL?

MrsJacobs2B · March 2012

I agree with Retread Bride. I doubt anyone will notice. My husband and I didn't do the father-daughter, mother-son dances at our wedding, and no one said anything to us. Your guests are there to have a good time, eat, and drink - which will probably lead to more good times!

hollyweenOR · March 2012

We're skipping them. Fi's mother passed away several years ago, and my dad loathes being in the spotlight, as well as dancing, so the two together? Enough to make him super miserable, so I'm just having the DJ play a song that I'll be sure to dance with him during. Might let the photographer know too, but that's it. If it's a source of drama, just skip it.

stefaniewattie · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_skipping-the-parent-dances?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:29fff8ec-2934-4290-9076-675f2a496a4ePost:bcd286e7-bdd6-4627-a424-73f86e5f7af1">Re: Skipping the Parent Dances</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Skipping the Parent Dances : I'm sorry to hear about the recent rift with your father! That said, if the mother-son dance is something your FMIL and FI have been looking forward to, why would you want to take that away from them? Just as you'd like them to take your feelings into consideration, why don't you try to do the same and take their feelings into consideration? Do you have a grandfather, brother, uncle, dear friend that you could dance with in place of your father while your FI and his mom are dancing? What about your FFIL?
Posted by pattib5[/QUOTE]

She never said she had any problems with her father.. its her FMIL that they are having issues with, her dad just isnt a "dancer"
That being said.. shes going to be his mother FOREVER, and if you think shes going to be hurt by not having a dance with her son... why dont you just do it? It doesnt seem worth a possible lifetime of her being spiteful.. For some mothers this is something they may have been looking forward to since before you even met FI... I really think you need to think long term on this one.
If your dad doesnt want to do a dance then dont.. theres no rule about it. Or like PP have said, do one later in the night while everyone else is already dancing.

leffing · March 2012

I have the complete opposite problem. My parents divorced when I was really little, and my mother raised me. My father is coming to the wedding with his other family (he got remarried and had kids - I see them once a year for Christmas). I asked him to walk me down the aisle and that was weird enough.. I wouldn't dream of dancing with him! Awkward! BUT my FMIL is all about dancing with my husband

at the reception and making a big to do about it. This is her first born son, so she's not going to take no (I should mention my FI HATES to dance.. I'm lucky to be dancing our first dance with him). So.. they will have a dance after our first dance, and that will be it. I won't be dancing with my father (which I am TOTALLY okay with). Oh, and go April 2012 brides!!

GunzNRoses213 · March 2012

My FI does not want to dance with his mom he is not a big dancer etc... She however i'm sure will not like this ... So I'm going to have a dance with my son at the same time and that way I can convince him that all eyes will NOT be on his two left feet and more on myself and the 8 year old son... Everybody wins... ;p

I dont think it's odd to skip one of them if it dosnt thrill you etc... Or just pick a 3 minute song ... It's only 3 minutes.

catwine · March 2012

I say skip the mom and groom dance but keep yours with your dad if that's what ypu want. I'm not doing either dance because I personally think it's creepy. If your FMIL want s a showy dance you should ask your FI to talk to her about who's day it really is.

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