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wedding stress is getting to me!

coopsbabycoopsbaby member
5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
in Second Weddings
Well, not stress so much, since evrything is going well. But nerves maybe? I don't know. I can't get focused and I've had nightmares the last three nights that were either wedding or exhusband related. 

Part of it is because I'm just WAITING for the ex to try to ruin this for me, or to try to bring me down. He tends to call me up about something kid-related and then get on a rant about FI or what we spend our money on or things we do with the kids. And he hasn't said one bad word about us flying the kids to Vegas for our wedding so I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

I know the kids are gonna have so much fun, they're really excited, they're 20, 17 and 15, and they really like fi and get along with him well. Ex hates that the kids like fi, especially since they refuse to have anything to do with his girlfriend. But ex never even sees them, he hasn't been around at all, even talked to them in 2 months. Hasn't seen the older two since last summer. 

And I know a lot of me just isn't used to being happy, veing calm, having everything go well. My life with ex was chaotic and unpleasant (to put it mildly) and fi is so good to me. Sometimes I just don't know how to deal with it! I know it's normal, but still!

Thanks for letting me vent!
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Re: wedding stress is getting to me!

  • coopsbabycoopsbaby member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_wedding-stress-is-getting-to-me?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:9bc36086-7617-434f-93bb-a43f65d18b57Post:205c135e-9b3f-4433-a27a-c3b2bb3e3468">Re: wedding stress is getting to me!</a>:
    [QUOTE]How does he know how you spend your money? Stop sharing your plans with him if you are doing so.  If not, tell him to stop and mind his own business. Hang up the phone. "Let's discuss the children, ex.  Fiance and I can deal with our own money matters.  What should we do about Isabella's school clothes for next year, and Charles' orthodontics?" Interrupt him and change the subject.  Keep interrupting and changing the subject. He can't discuss something if you won't participate. Three more years with the youngest one, and then you're done with this idiot.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Oh, trus me, I don't tell him a thing. He's not around and we don't speak. He sees photos online of the kids on their facebook, and then sends me accusatory texts about how his child support paid for us to all go to the zoo or something. Or if he talks to one of the kids and they tell him something he'll ask them if I paid for it with child support. He's just bound and determined that the $400 a month I get from him is supporting a household of 6! He's just nuts that's all. </div><div>
    </div><div>I just ignore the texts, there's no point in engaging him since it's none of his business, and he refuses to help pay for anything that he's required to in the court order much less extras (and is way behind on child support, but that's another story!) </div><div>
    </div><div>I just need to stop letting him get to me, and I know that. I was so glas when the kids all got old enough to deal with him the majority of the time themselves! And it will be a glorious day when they're all 18. Then I'll be able to block his number and be done with him!

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  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    That's one thing about child support that I actually don't like, but in your case, it is helpful- there is no accountability and instructions on how the person receives it spends the money. So, he has no right to tell you what to do with it. It sounds like in your case, you are doing the right thing with it. $400 is probably paying the grocery bill for the month and that's about it! Tell him to take it up with the courts and a judge if he complains! He has not a leg to stand on and he'd surely be afraid to deal with the courts if he'd behind and not meeting obligations. I know it sucks, because we're in the opposite boat. DH is paying $900/mo for one child, who is currently living with us full time. Her mom moved away, so we filed a petition to have it stopped, but the court set a hearing date three months after she moved in with us. So, we're paying $900 to a person who is spending the money on rent for herself and not sending us the money to take care of her daughter. So, I'm always complaining about how the money is being spent! I just have to let the court do its thing.

     







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  • Mikesgal419Mikesgal419
    First Anniversary First Comment
    My ex is similar. Only my kids see him frequently. I'm using MY savings for the wedding,but he insists that I'm using the child support. My MOM paid for the kids and I to go on trip with her and my ex told the kids to thank HIM for the trip. UGH!! I am keeping all the wedding details quiet from the kids, because they will tell ex and I am terrified that he will do something to screw it up. He knows where it is going to be and has a rough estimate of the time, since I had to request my summer vacation for the kids. Jells- That is completely messed up!! I am sorry you and your hubby have to go through that. I don't know about where you live, but where I am, your step daughters mom would be ordered to pay it back during the court hearing. Good luck!!
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