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I don't want her as a bridesmaid

ahuffman09ahuffman09 member
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in Moms and Maids
Hey all, I have a diemma. I'm currently engaged and in college. At the beginning of the year my two roommates decided that since they are living with me it is only fair that they be my bridesmaids. The problem is that one of them is driving me crazy, telling me how my wedding should go. In fact, she hates my fiance and tells me on a daily basis to ditch him. I don't want, and never did want, her as a bridesmaid. The wedding isn't for a few years but how do I tell her to back off and, eventually, tell her that she isn't a bridesmaid? Help!
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Re: I don't want her as a bridesmaid

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    tldhtldh member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_dont-want-her-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:d1fe21d0-f4af-456e-8d41-04c0cffe8fb8Post:6c89c358-50b4-4415-ac54-2ba2449f33cf">I don't want her as a bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hey all, I have a diemma. I'm currently engaged and in college. At the beginning of the year my two roommates decided that since they are living with me it is only fair that they be my bridesmaids. The problem is that one of them is driving me crazy, telling me how my wedding should go. In fact, she hates my fiance and tells me on a daily basis to ditch him. I don't want, and never did want, her as a bridesmaid. The wedding isn't for a few years but how do I tell her to back off and, eventually, tell her that she isn't a bridesmaid? Help!
    Posted by ahuffman09[/QUOTE]

    1.  Grow a freaking backbone or college is going to be hell for you

    2. You are nowhere close to the time to pick a WP.  Try 6 - 8 months before the date.
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    sprtychick10sprtychick10
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If you haven't sat down and asked them to be your bridesmaid, then they shouldn't be saying they are in the wedding. Tell them you haven't picked your WP yet and you want to enjoy being engaged, like the PP said.

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    graysquirrelgraysquirrel member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Agree with pp. If you've asked her officially, then etiquette would dictate that you keep her. However, your wedding is years away! It doesn't make sense to pick BMs now because friendships change, people move, and life WILL take new directions after college. For example, it has been a very long time since I talked with my best friend from college, but at the time I never would have dreamed that could happen. The best way to get her from being on your case is to do no planning around her. It is really early to make concrete plans anyway-- especially where bridesmaids are concerned.
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    ahuffman09ahuffman09 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    thank you for your responses. I really appreciate them. And just as a clarification, when I said a few years I meant some time within the next 2-3 years, when I graduate. I'm taking a full course load and a full time job, which in itself isn't too bad, but the annoying roommate keeps insisting on trying to plan the wedding. At the moment the only thing that my fiance and I are worried about is trying to figure out how to budget things. So when considering bridesmaids we want to make sure that we are choosing a dress that they can afford, because we can't buy everything. What ya'll said about not actually asking her to be a bridesmaid made a lot of sense and I feel way better about the situation so, once again, thank you.
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    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Set a date, book your venues, THEN choose bridesmaids.  Not a moment before.  If they badger you for a decision, tell them that you're waiting, and don't let yourself be baited into it.  That way lies disaster.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    jessshireyjessshirey member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My advice would be to enjoy being enganged. I wouldn't make any plans yet exceptt for discussing them with your future husband. AND if people ask jsut say we haven't made any decisions yet...we're just happy being engaged and  that we want to finish sschool.
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    saisongbirdsaisongbird
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Seriously?  Your wedding is nearly 3 years away.  3 years!  A lot can change in that amount of time, including budgets, decor of venues, and relationships.  You may not be FRIENDS with these girls in 3 years.  Don't make ANY decisions yet.  Browse, get ideas, and when you get closer to the 1.5 year mark, start to book vendors.  But it's waaaay too early and designs and technologies will change.  Dresses will change and be discontinued.  People gain and lose weight.  Venues go under renovations or go out of business.  You need to WAIT before you make a move.

    As far as the girls, if you didn't ask them, they're not your bridesmaids.  They assumed, it's their problems.  Just don't bring it up around them.  And consider finding a new roommate for the next school year.
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    brittany.amedenbrittany.ameden member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I do not see the harm in planning early. Its your wedding day, you can do whatever you want. However, I do agree that asking your WP is a little too soon (but I already asked mine hahha- its my two sisters, my neice and my FI's sister)

    My fiance and I, 3 weeks ago, went to visit this great venue in our hometown. When we went and met with the event manager she informed us that there is only 2 dates left for July 2013 to choose from(and they were both SUNDAYS!)

    Sooooo our venue was already booked for summer 2013 (which is why we are trying to pick september!)
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