Its normal to feel or want…
This post was from 4-19-05. We began the post to help us all understand how normal our feelings and needs really are…This list is what everyone wrote about their normal feelings:
Please feel free to add.
Its normal to feel guilty that you are having a second wedding
Its normal to feel scared to commit again
Its normal to have some doubts
Its normal to worry that your credibility is in question since you vowed "forever" once before (but it is important to know that your credibility is NOT actually in question, because things change)
Its normal to question whether or not you should take his name
Its normal to worry about what others think
Its normal to read the etiquette posts and want to cry
Its normal to WANT to have the wedding of your dreams for the man of your dreams
Its normal to want all the cheesey things first brides get:)
Its normal to be more scared of moving in and combining your belongings than it is to get married
Its normal to put up walls
It's normal NOT to have the support of every family member
It's normal to want to "connect" with other 2nd timers
It's normal to "test" him ... again and again
It's normal to think at first - we don't deserve certain things
It's normal to cry/be upset when reminded of the first failure
It's normal to keep putting things off (that guilt thing again)
It's normal to have issues when kids are involved
It's normal to feel like you have the letter " D " on your forehead
YES, it's normal to be HAPPY and EXCITED when you're ready to accept it! *
Its normal to have heightened anxiety
Its normal to overanalyze every single comment he makes, about you, your kids, your future, your wedding...looking for the cue that its going to fall apart.
Its normal to partition off (is that what you meant by walls, Sassee?) those parts of you that were hurt the worst in the past, and be cautious about being vulnerable to him.
Its normal to be MamaBear where your kids are concerned, and to be surprised when you feel those MamaBear feelings about HIS kids, or when he becomes PaPa Bear with yours.
Its normal to look up waiting for the other shoe to drop
Its normal to sometimes just find yourself smiling again
Its normal to have just learned the definition of healthy (no matter how old you are)
Its normal to need to go to therapy
Its normal to be a control freak
Its normal to not be good at asking for help (Pealie, these last two are for us)
Its normal for you to feel like you have to keep your excitement a secret
Its normal to be afraid to lose the BEST thing that has happened to you in a very long time.
Its normal to wake up at night & look at him and be amazed he's there.
Its normal to want a GUARANTEE that he will not be taken from you by some freak event.
It is normal to feel uncomfortable but grateful when your family/friends want to throw parties/showers to celebrate your happiness.
It is normal to be pleasantly surprised when FI does not act/respond like DH did.
It is normal to feel bad that you get two weddings and some of your good friends have not had one yet.
It is normal to obsess about your dress and wonder if it is 'appropriate' enough but realize that sackcloth and ashes for you would not match with tuxes and pretty dresses for everyone else!
It is normal to not have something (garter, bouquet toss, etc)for your second wedding just because you had it for your first.
It is normal to worry about your child(ren) getting enough love and attention since you now have FI.
It's normal to want your family to be just as happy this time as the last time!
It's normal to cut and paste this into a document that you can refer to daily, just to remind yourself of exactly how normal you are!
It's NORMAL to worry what his family specifically thinks of you, your kids, your parenting style, whatever.
It's NORMAL to have a few bumps in the road with the stepkids.
It's NORMAL to wonder who's going to compile this into one list and repost it so we can all print it out and post it somewhere prominent. LOL!
It's NORMAL to wonder if he's for real because he's just SO perfect for you and your family. It’s NORMAL for things you hated in your past marriage to bother you now. You just have to explain to FI why.