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Shower and Registry

mariannecastellanimariannecastellani
First Comment
in Second Weddings

Good Morning!
I had someone tell me that I shouldn't have a wedding shower because it's my second marriage and my FI and I live together.  I also was told I shouldn't register anywhere.

What do you think?  Help!  Some of these "people" are making planning my wedding a bit uncomfortable with their opinions.  And of course, they have all been married for awhile.  Undecided

Thanks!

MarBear and Sweetie
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Re: Shower and Registry

  • kimp67kimp67 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If someone wants to throw you a shower let them!  I also think you should register.  My FI & I live together & weren't going to register until reading this board.  We registered for upgrades of things & things that we would like to have but just never got around to buying.  Good luck, have fun & ignore those people!
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  • hawkeyes00hawkeyes00
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    i think it's tacky to register for your 2nd wedding. a lot of your friends already got you a shower gift AND a wedding gift your first go-round. 

    Showers were originally created to "shower the bride and groom" with gifts to get their house started. You have already been showered - so you're going to combine MORE presents from your 2nd wedding with the stuff you got at your 1st wedding. it seems a little much IMO.

    I totally understand your friends still offering to do something for you and i would offer for mine as well - but perhaps so you could find a happy medium - a friend of mine just got married for a 2nd time too and when people asked her what she wanted or if she registered anywhere she told them about a fund they had set up with their favorite non-profit that people could make donations to! i thought that was VERY cool and not one single person thought she was greedy by registering twice. 

    honestly doing the whole wedding "show" - showers, bachlorette parties, big weddings a 2nd time seems very tacky to me. especially if you did that all the first time! 
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  • red1115red1115
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Although I totally appreciate Hawkeye's POV in registries (I don't like registries for even 1st weddings)  not everyone got a chance to have the whole "bridal experience" the first time around.  Or they have a set of new people in their lives at this wedding.

    I have discouraged my Future in-laws & close girfriends (who were bridesmaid the 1st time) from throwing me any showers, due to the fact that I don't feel comfortable with having them - but that's just me.  If someone wants to throw you a party, and you're comfoatable with it, graciously accept.  If you're not, let them know.

    As for registering, I was opposed to it the 1st time and gave in for the convience of our guests.  This time around I felt the same way, but so many of our guests protested, that I gave in again. I have tried to stress to them tham that gifts are not required esp. considering so many are spending to attend our destination wedding, but alas my words are falling on deaf ears.  (Esp those people who attended my 1st wedding - go figure!)

    Bottom line is that people will give you gifts (or cash) and may want to throw you parties. As an adult you are well within your right to accept or decline their generousity as you see fit. 

    With that said, Bridezilla = demanding or expecting someone to be generous.

    You should be fine!  Good Luck
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  • George7211George7211
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    (Ok I don’t get it)   I was married the first time 25 years ago I have been divorced for 12 years. My life now is so different I am not close to the same people or live in the same state. So I will be marring the perfect man in July 2011 I will register and IF someone asked I will tell them where. IF someone wants to throw me a shower I will be as excited as someone throwing me a birthday party ( which comes around every year not just once) I will throw the wedding that fits me and pay for the food and entertainment for my guess to come and celebrate with me.
    Why would anyone care if this is my 2nd or 10th marriage.

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  • nmauser82nmauser82 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    A registry is just a suggestion. No one has to follow it or even look at it if they don't want to. As long as you don't include a registry card in the invitation, you are ok.

    The fact is, no matter how many times you have been married, your guests will bring gifts, even if you tell them not to. It's the polite thing to do when attending a wedding/birthday/aniversary/batmitzva/etc. In my opinion you might as well register and get the things that you want/need.

    Showers are fun. That's why people throw them. If someone wants to throw you a shower and you are comfortable accepting, then accept. And anyone who is going to naysay you and talk crap need not attend.
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  • mariannecastellanimariannecastellani
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thank you to everyone who responded!  I appreciate it!!!
    MarBear and Sweetie
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  • MikesAngieMikesAngie member
    Name Dropper 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with George! 

    We registered both of our respective divorces clean us both out and we are literally starting over and from scratch.

    If someone wants to throw a shower for us we're in, just as if they want to do anything else.  It's more about being gracious and allowing those close to us to do what they feel is right.

    Our wedding is a celeration of our love and is something that is long over due.
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  • lynnmfranklynnmfrank member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I have to disagree with Hawkeye and say that it's not tacky to register for your second wedding.

    Second weddings are very common place these days and no one--no one with any life of their own that is--is counting how many times you got married and how many gifts you got. (It's likely that they are too busy counting their own.)

    I'm remarrying, as is my FI, and we thought about not registering  and having a court-house ceremony without family/friends for about two minutes when our loved ones set us straight.  One friend literally said, 'Oh, I understand, but we're crashing if you don't invite us." (That was said with love--not out of control.)

    If I've learned anything during my few months of being engaged this time around, it's that our wedding is in the present, not the past, and our friends and family want to express how happy they are for us.  We got over ourselves and are allowing them to do that by having an affordable "cake and jazz" recpetion in which they will all be included AND registering for the stuff we want and need so they don't have to guess.

    No one worthwhile is counting your marriages or your gifts.  Take Retread's advice and polish up your icey stare if they are. Wink 
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