Pre-wedding Parties

Planning my own Bridal Shower/Bachelorette Party?

Ok, so, with FIVE bridesmaid's you would think that a girl would have tons of help when it comes to wedding planning. In my case, I have no help. I have been planning my entire wedding BY MYSELF which is extremely stressful and I'm looking forward to that night of craziness that is the Bachelorette Party! Unfortunately, I don't trust my bridesmaids to get this together on their own, as I have had to push them to even get into the dress shop to order their dresses. It's like they don't even recognize that they are going to be in a wedding in 6 months!

My question for everyone is: Would it be innapropriate to tell my bridesmaids that I want to "help" plan my bridal shower/bachelorette party, or should I just let it be?
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Re: Planning my own Bridal Shower/Bachelorette Party?

  • It would be very inappropriate.  Let it be. 
  • Ditto PP.  It is poor form to plan your own shower.  I helped with my bachelorette only in that they asked who I wanted to be there, if I was ok with theme they came up with, and hooking them up with an inexpensive limo since I know someone with a limo company.  My bridal shower I showed up when I was told to.  

    Your wedding i s still 6 months away.  That is plenty of time.  I realize that you are probably freaking out thinking that there are ONLY 6 months left, but I can all but guarantee you BMs are thinking, "geez we have 6 months until the wedding, what's the big deal?"

    Just breathe, it will all work out.

  • 1. It is not your BMs job to help you plan your wedding. If you need help planning get your FI to do it. If they can help with things and offer to do so, that's great, but expecting them to do so is just rude and self-involved. 6 months is MORE than enough time to order BM dresses which is probably why you had to push them, because they don't really need 6 months to get the dresses in.

    2. Speaking of rude and self-involved, throwing your own bridal shower is so incredibly tacky. A shower is a gift to you, and because people would be giving you gifts at the shower it would be incredibly rude for you to throw your own. Throwing a party for yourself where people are expected to bring you gifts just looks gift-grabby, tacky and selfish. Also, a shower typically happens around 2 months before the wedding. There is so much tme to plan one it's micro-managing and obsessive for you to even be worrying about this now. Take a deep breath and maybe get some time with your friends without once mentioning your wedding, it will probably  make them feel a lot better about you as their FRIEND and not as some crazy bridezilla.

    3. Etiquette wise, technically the same holds true for bachlorette parties as for showers. HOWEVER, what you can do (if no one throws you a bachlorette party) is organize a "girls night out" with your friends and just go do whatever it is you want with them. Just don't expect them to pay for anything other than their own stuff, go out and have a good time with your ladies.
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  • Well as far as throwing a party for myself just to get gifts, that was something I was staying away from. I told my girls that I DID NOT want gifts for my party at all. With the economy we live in, it's better for everyone to not have to worry about getting us anything, as we don't need anything. I just want everyone to have fun and have a night that's stress free before the big day. Also, I was getting pushed by my dress store to get the girls in asap because they told me they didn't have a very big window...

    sorry if i offended anybody with my post, i just meant it to get opinions...
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_planning-my-own-bridal-showerbachelorette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:12071588-423f-4fde-b027-f210fd055b7aPost:c7eaf8a7-ffc8-4359-a45b-1acf1b7f5008">Re: Planning my own Bridal Shower/Bachelorette Party?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well as far as throwing a party for myself just to get gifts, that was something I was staying away from. I told my girls that I DID NOT want gifts for my party at all. With the economy we live in, it's better for everyone to not have to worry about getting us anything, as we don't need anything. I just want everyone to have fun and have a night that's stress free before the big day. Also, I was getting pushed by my dress store to get the girls in asap because they told me they didn't have a very big window... sorry if i offended anybody with my post, i just meant it to get opinions...
    Posted by mattkatt12[/QUOTE]
    Frankly, the gifts (or lack thereof) don't matter.  It's inappropriate for you to be involved in planning a party thrown in your honor - which includes showers and bachelorette parties.



  • Just wondering, did your bridesmaids offer to have a bachelorette party for you and now you're afraid it won't happen? or have they not said anything about it and you want to plan it alone?

    I think it's okay to give suggestions if they ask, but it would be rude to plan your own party. 
  • 1. Your BMs don't need to help in planning your wedding. it is YOUR wedding after all. What is stressful about planning essentially a big party? If it's too much to plan on your own, then ask your FI to help or hire a wedding coordinator. This is not your BM's job.

    2. You should not be throwing yourself any parties, bachelorette or otherwise. If someone offers to throw you a shower or b-party, you can graciously accept. It would be rude and inappropriate to plan your own, and especially rude to then ask other people to help you plan your own party.


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  • Listen if you want to make suggestions for what YOU want for YOUR Bachlorette Party OR your Bridal Shower you certainly can!!! Let's face it NOT everyone is a planner!!! Not everyone is creative either.  At the end of the day your MOH or whomever should want you to be happy & if they go off and plan some party that doesn't make YOU happy what good is that in the end???? They really should be open to hear your ideas girl...so speak up!
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