Need Help with Purposal Ideas

Pennies4taylor · February 2013

So i've been with my BF for going on 12 years now... marriage scares the poop out of him so i'm planning on putposing to him in the next few weeks.

With that being said i'm out of ideas...lol Ask me about the perfect purposal for a woman and I have a million ideas but i don't want to imaculate him either.

I thought maybe some of you may have some ideas.

So far I have a custom tie being made by a company in Toronto called Handsome and Lace http://www.handsomeandlace.ca I have purchased ties from them before and they are fantastic.

I'm having will you marry me with 2 check yes boxes (by request of our daughter) Embroidered on the inside of the tie (secret message style) http://www.etsy.com/listing/104773165/custom-tannis-tie-open-the-back-flaps?

But now i'm stumped on ideas or ways to either give it to him or get him dressed up.

Anyone have any ideas?

Thanks.

AddieCake · February 2013

I'm a little concerned that you know your boyfriend is terrified of marriage and yet you plan to propose marriage to him.

GoodLuckBear14 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_need-help-with-purposal-ideas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:3e028db3-a57e-4f77-b275-e37f19a1720cPost:f6940dd7-689c-4bf4-9a2c-341d2e36f8e7">Need Help with Purposal Ideas</a>:
[QUOTE]So i've been with my BF for going on 12 years now... marriage scares the poop out of him so i'm planning on putposing to him in the next few weeks. With that being said i'm out of ideas...lol Ask me about the perfect purposal for a woman and I have a million ideas but i don't want to imaculate him either. I thought maybe some of you may have some ideas. So far I have a custom tie being made by a company in Toronto called Handsome and Lace <a href="http://www.handsomeandlace.ca" rel="nofollow">http://www.handsomeandlace.ca</a> I have purchased ties from them before and they are fantastic. I'm having will you marry me with 2 check yes boxes (by request of our daughter) Embroidered on the inside of the tie (secret message style) <a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/104773165/custom-tannis-tie-open-the-back-flaps" rel="nofollow">http://www.etsy.com/listing/104773165/custom-tannis-tie-open-the-back-flaps</a> ? But now i'm stumped on ideas or ways to either give it to him or get him dressed up. Anyone have any ideas? Thanks.
Posted by Pennies4taylor[/QUOTE]

Don't PROPOSE. Sit down with him and have an adult conversation about marriage and where you both see your relationship heading. If you are not on the same page then you need to decide if you want to continue.

steign · February 2013

I agree with PP. Why is he afraid of marriage?

tiny speck · February 2013

This has bad idea written all over it. If he is scared of marriage don't you think there's a good chance he'll say no? Discuss it with him, don't propose.

LiLe422 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_need-help-with-purposal-ideas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:3e028db3-a57e-4f77-b275-e37f19a1720cPost:f6940dd7-689c-4bf4-9a2c-341d2e36f8e7">Need Help with Purposal Ideas</a>:
[QUOTE]So i've been with my BF for going on 12 years now... <strong>marriage scares the poop out of him so i'm planning on putposing to him in the next few weeks</strong>. With that being said i'm out of ideas...lol Ask me about the perfect purposal for a woman and I have a million ideas but i don't want to imaculate him either. I thought maybe some of you may have some ideas. So far I have a custom tie being made by a company in Toronto called Handsome and Lace <a href="http://www.handsomeandlace.ca" rel="nofollow">http://www.handsomeandlace.ca</a> I have purchased ties from them before and they are fantastic. I'm having will you marry me with 2 check yes boxes (by request of our daughter) Embroidered on the inside of the tie (secret message style) <a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/104773165/custom-tannis-tie-open-the-back-flaps" rel="nofollow">http://www.etsy.com/listing/104773165/custom-tannis-tie-open-the-back-flaps</a> ? But now i'm stumped on ideas or ways to either give it to him or get him dressed up. Anyone have any ideas? Thanks.
Posted by Pennies4taylor[/QUOTE]

OMeffingG don't do that. You are setting yourself up for disaster. What makes you think <em>you</em> proposing to <em>him</em> is going to change his view on marriage?
My FI too, was very wary of the whole marriage thing. BUT, we had a honest adult conversation on our expectations of the relationship. He told me marriage is not something he wanted to rush into and I completely agreed. So, we waited until we were good and ready to take the next step. It may have taken 10 years to get engaged and another 16 months to be married but we are almost there and very happy we waited until we were <em>both </em>ready.

Meghannsix · February 2013

My Fi was completely marriage-phobic as well, maybe not phobic, but completely not interested in it, even after dating for four years, living together for two. It's something that is important to me, so I sat him down and told him. He was totally onboard after that, and we've been engaged for the past 1 1/2 years, and we're getting married in June. I think if I had sprung a proposal on him, it might have ended badly.

Pennies4taylor · February 2013

We have talked many many times about it, for years. He's afraid because every marriage around him (parents, siblings etc) has either fallen apart or their relationship has gotten worse after obtaining that piece of paper.

I still don't feel it's a horrible idea, like I said we have talked about it for years, i'm just getting to a point in my life where i'm done waiting for him to ask. The worst that could happen is he says no.

Let's be honest 12 years... i'm not going anywhere, he's not going anywhere... the kids are bugging us about the idea, and even my step son is on board with this.

I've talked to people and they have said well how do you know he's not saving for a ring etc. but the thing is, I don't want an engagement ring (he knows this). We have the whole thing planned out together, the kids are out witnesses (minors so it wouldn't be legal) but it would mean more to both of us to have them heavily involved and signing that they agree. On a beach somewhere warm and whoever wants to come can come.

We have a house, we have kids... the only milestone left is marriage.

I thought it would be cute to reverse the rolls...I guess the general consensus is i'm wrong

BTW sorry about my spelling on the original... I was trying to post really fast at the end of the day and wasn't paying attention.

cnf2013 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_need-help-with-purposal-ideas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:3e028db3-a57e-4f77-b275-e37f19a1720cPost:856c8206-2418-4d00-8c0f-855cf5002afc">Re: Need Help with Proposal Ideas</a>:
[QUOTE]We have talked many many times about it, for years. He's afraid because every marriage around him (parents, siblings etc) has either fallen apart or their relationship has gotten worse after obtaining that piece of paper. I still don't feel it's a horrible idea, like I said we have talked about it for years, i'm just getting to a point in my life where i'm done waiting for him to ask. The worst that could happen is he says no. Let's be honest 12 years... i'm not going anywhere, he's not going anywhere... the kids are bugging us about the idea, and even my step son is on board with this. I've talked to people and they have said well how do you know he's not saving for a ring etc. but the thing is, I don't want an engagement ring (he knows this). We have the whole thing planned out together, the kids are out witnesses (minors so it wouldn't be legal) but it would mean more to both of us to have them heavily involved and signing that they agree. On a beach somewhere warm and whoever wants to come can come. We have a house, we have kids... the only milestone left is marriage. I thought it would be cute to reverse the rolls...I guess the general consensus is i'm wrong BTW sorry about my spelling on the original... I was trying to post really fast at the end of the day and wasn't paying attention.
Posted by Pennies4taylor[/QUOTE]

<div>No one said you were wrong. There are a number of ladies on these board who did the proposing. But everyone's concern came from you stating he's terrfied of marriage but saying you were going to drop some elaborate proposal on him. If I was terrified of flying and my FI surprised me with plane tickets to some vacation he planned, would I be happy? Probably not. </div><div>
</div><div>You did not mention that you had both spoken, at length on many occassions about it, so we could answer based on what you posted, which was "he's petrified of marriage so I'm proposing, how's this elaborate idea and how can I fluff it more?" Um, what..?</div>

Pennies4taylor · February 2013

That's ok.

I didn't realize I needed to be that specific on the details and explain everything. I would have never even have considered the thought of doing that if i didn't think it would have been ok with him.

I appreciate everyone's input and looking out for me from making what could have been a huge mistake.

I've actually decided i'm not going to do it. cold feet and i don't want to emasculate him in any way.

Thanks anyways.

vanityink · March 2013

If you've been together so long/live together/etc, are you sure your state doesn't already recognize you as common law married? My friend (who had lived with her bf/fiance for 10 years) went to the courthouse to get a marriage license/make it official, and while talking about their relationship, were told they were actually considered married already if they wanted to just use that.

GoodLuckBear14 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_need-help-with-purposal-ideas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:3e028db3-a57e-4f77-b275-e37f19a1720cPost:e4576d43-0933-46d8-a889-38903c16ba10">Re: Need Help with Purposal Ideas</a>:
[QUOTE]If you've been together so long/live together/etc, are you sure your state doesn't already recognize you as common law married? My friend (who had lived with her bf/fiance for 10 years) went to the courthouse to get a marriage license/make it official, and while talking about their relationship,<strong> were told they were actually considered married </strong>already if they wanted to just use that.
Posted by jessicadall[/QUOTE]

Bullsh!t.

You cannot accidentally get married anywhere in this country - and I checked with an attorney friend in Canada and the same is true there.

Unless you are an attorney, please don't opine about legal matters. What you read in books, see on TV or hear from friends is almost always inaccurate.

zantster · March 2013

The truth of the matter is that he may propose at some point in the future or he may be extremely comfortable with the status quo over the past 12 years and not feel like there's any need to change. If this is the case it is a possibility that he may never propose. All you can do is decide whether you're comfortable regardless of his action or inaction.

Can you be happy and at peace living together as a family if he never asks you to marry him? Some people can and some cannot. There is no wrong answer. But I personally could not. Since as you say neither of you are going anywhere then it would be best to let him come to that point in his own time if it's going to happen. The hard part comes if you cannot be happy without marriage. Only you can decide that and only you can decide what you'll do about it. Whatever you decide make sure it's what you want. Because if you stay put and he never wants to marry and years later you end up resenting him the only one you'll have to blame for sticking around is you.

cassie409 · March 2013

Hi, everyone, if you need any wedding dresses, I suggest one good site: JenJenHouse.com. I recently bought one dress from them.

It arrived on time as promised and seriously is amazing! I paid 100.00 for this dress and it looks like I paid 500 for it! So pleased with this purchase!

Also, recently they have an activity on their FB. You could go and have a look.

You could also see the reviews on their website first and then decide.

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