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VENT - Best Man bailed on plans for bachelor party

sbelle85sbelle85 member
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in Wedding Party
I am so frustrated right now. After we got engaged, our best man told my fiance that he was going to plan a weekend-long camping trip 'bachelor party' for him.

He told my fiance to request two consecutive weekends off of work so that he could coordinate with the other groomsmen and see which one would be the best. This was hard for my fiance to do (he is a 1st year resident and it's not easy for him to just ask for two weekends in a row off), but he did it. The weekends were next weekend and the one after it.

Well, fast forward to now... My brother mentioned to me that he hadn't heard anything about the bachelor party plans, and assumed that they were just not including him because he doesn't know any of the other groomsmen. I started looking into it, and I found out that no camping trip was ever planned. And at this point, the other groomsmen would not be able to go on such short notice (5 out of the 7 are also doctors and can't just take a weekend off on a whim).

I would have no problem with the best man not hosting a party if he had never offered. What bothers me is the fact that he offered to do this, asked my fiance to take the two weekends off of work, and then just never followed through with it. The worst part is seeing how hurt my fiance is that his best man just blew this off. Apparently, my fiance believed that they were trying to surprise him with the trip by not telling him of any specific details, dates, or activities. When he realized that they actually just never planned it, he was crushed. He's pretty sensitive, and it really hurt his feelings.

It makes me angry, especially because when our best man got married, my fiance took it upon himself to plan an amazing bachelor party for him. The planning took my fiance months.

My parents live on a ranch resort, and when my brother realized that the best man has bailed on the bachelor weekend plans, he offered to take my fiance there, where he can stay in the guest house and my brother will take him shooting, river rafting, and to a nice dinner at the club. It's a nice gesture, and I'm sure my fiance would enjoy it, but it still doesn't make up for the disappointment of his best friend letting him down with this. Doing the camping trip on another weekend is not an option because my fiance does not have any more available weekends between now and the wedding.

It just makes me so mad.
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Re: VENT - Best Man bailed on plans for bachelor party

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    aragx6aragx6 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited April 2012
    That makes me really sad. I know FI would be heartbroken if his friend did that.

    edit: I can't spell.
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    mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker

    Is the best man normally a flakey guy?

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    Mandafly84Mandafly84 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    What a crappy thing to do.
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    TiffannieFTiffannieF member
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    That's a super mega bummer.  I'm sorry that your FI has to go through with this.  I hope there is some sort of "good" explanation why (maybe the BM is too embarrassed to say anything about it?).

    Your brother is very nice to offer an alternative plan.
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    sbelle85sbelle85 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_vent-best-man-bailed-on-plans-for-bachelor-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:8b6c56d9-7b6c-490f-8341-5285eea15141Post:c4abfd2c-5112-426f-9459-8bf4a1c357d0">Re: VENT - Best Man bailed on plans for bachelor party</a>:
    [QUOTE]Is the best man normally a flakey guy?
    Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]

    Not really. But my fiance says that he's not the same person he was before he got married. My fiance suspects that the best man's wife didn't want him planning a "weekend with the guys" that didn't include her. I don't know if that's really the case, or if my fiance is just trying to make excuses that deflect the blame from his friend. It's just hard to see him hurt like this.
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    mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    Blech. I hate when people are pvssywhipped by their spouses.
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    TiffannieFTiffannieF member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_vent-best-man-bailed-on-plans-for-bachelor-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8b6c56d9-7b6c-490f-8341-5285eea15141Post:85521655-d492-41a4-991e-47b5a2d23f46">Re: VENT - Best Man bailed on plans for bachelor party</a>:
    [QUOTE]Blech. I hate when people are pvssywhipped by their spouses.
    Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]

    Seriously, it's sad.  Have some trust people otherwise you'll have one expensive divorce.
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    chelsy31588chelsy31588
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    LAME. Sorry to hear that. My FI has had a few bumps in the road concerning his BM/Groomsmen situation as well. Brother was BM at first then told my FI he didn't want to do the bachelor party, then he and the FI got into a fight over family issues, plus the BM had a quickie wedding and baby and is too busy with his own life, so my FI asked him to step out of the wedding party *I know that is bad manners* but they were not even speaking at that point because his brother was being so mean to all of us. So now his best friend is the BM and they are having so much fun. FI's brother pretty much has been super busy with his own life which is fine and pretty much told my FI that they should stop pretending to be close because they never were and never will be. So YEAH probably a better decision to not have him as the BM in the end, he's still invited as a guest and all is good. Still some awkwardness due to their fight but things are moving forward.

    I had a bridesmaid drop out but it's kind of a blessing since she was a difficult person to work with, she kept making things more complicated.

    Hopefully your BM will see how he let his friend down and make it up to him in some way. Kudos to your brother for stepping up, things will get better.
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    vicki0508vicki0508 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_vent-best-man-bailed-on-plans-for-bachelor-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8b6c56d9-7b6c-490f-8341-5285eea15141Post:2d9356b5-8680-426a-9b69-7cd501b64162">Re: VENT - Best Man bailed on plans for bachelor party</a>:
    [QUOTE]LAME. Sorry to hear that. My FI has had a few bumps in the road concerning his BM/Groomsmen situation as well. Brother was BM at first then told my FI he didn't want to do the bachelor party, then he and the FI got into a fight over family issues, plus the BM had a quickie wedding and baby and is too busy with his own life, so my FI asked him to step out of the wedding party *I know that is bad manners* but they were not even speaking at that point because his brother was being so mean to all of us. So now his best friend is the BM and they are having so much fun. FI's brother pretty much has been super busy with his own life which is fine and pretty much told my FI that they should stop pretending to be close because they never were and never will be. So YEAH probably a better decision to not have him as the BM in the end, he's still invited as a guest and all is good. Still some awkwardness due to their fight but things are moving forward. I had a bridesmaid drop out but it's kind of a blessing since she was a difficult person to work with, she kept making things more complicated. Hopefully your BM will see how he let his friend down and make it up to him in some way. Kudos to your brother for stepping up, things will get better.
    Posted by chelsy31588[/QUOTE]
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    jemmini6jemmini6 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    I'm sorry to hear that, that really sucks.  Maybe your brother can take him out one weekend, and you can plan something special for the two of you another weekend since he has two off?  I know it won't completely make it right (only the BM can do that), but at least he won't be just sitting at home as a reminder that his BM blew him off?
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    ShyDreamer00ShyDreamer00
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    edited April 2012
    Ugghhhh-that sucks major *insert any cuss word here** LOL. My FI is currently going through a similar siguation. His best friend who was formerly the BM dropped out of the bridal party due to financial reasons. Actually it was him and his wife (who was my matron of honor) and they both decided to drop out in March because of that and that she is pregnant-due only 5 days after the wedding. They told us that they wanted to drop out so that HE (former BM) could put some of that money aside and save up more to spend at the bachelor party, plus the former MOH said she wanted to still help with the bridal shower. We were a little disappointed (I won't lie as we had chosen them 6 months prior), but we understood their situation with a baby on the way.
    Well, FI chose a different BM from his groomsmen who has put aside a chunk of money strictly for the bachelor party and even offered to pay for my bachelorette party, LOL. He is an awesome guy and probably should have been chosen from the start to be honest.
    So my FI pretty much came up with his own bachelor party idea and ran it by the BM and groomsmen. None of his groomsmen are that great with planning so he just did that part on his own, but his BM has already said he'll foot any bills for the groom for that night. Now, my FI recently sent out invites to everyone include the former BM, well now the former BM only wants to do ONE of the things on the list of events for that night so that's all he is going to show up for. He's also trying to convince one of the groomsmen to do only what he wants to do since they are supposed to drive together. Now, my fiance's night will consist of dinner, limo to his aunt's bar, casino, and a strip club. Well, the former BM is ONLY interested in going to the strip club....doesn't want to pay or even participate in anything else. Mind you this is a month and a half notice before the bachelor party. My FI gave this much notice because he knows how his friends can be....
    I think its pretty crappy how one of his supposed best friends is behaving-you can't sit at a bar with friends or go to a casino and just hang out? You don't HAVE to spend money at those places. My FI is hurt by this because this is what his former BM was SOOO excited about-having a great bachelor party for his best friend. My FI didn't even want to go to the strip club (he's not that big into strippers) but he agreed to it because his former BM was so into doing that. I wonder if the guy would even show up if a strip club wasn't involved. I told my FI to ask the one groomsmen if he wouldn't mind staying for everything (since the groomsman wants to do some of the other stuff) and let the former BM figure out transportation on his own.
    My FI doesn't even want the guy to come anymore...it sucks when friends pull this and it makes me sad/angry for him. I know how you feel and sometimes I wish I could just give people a high-five to the face, lol!
    I'm sorry that your FI had to experience this, but your brother is being very nice. My brothers (who are also groomsmen) have already said that they will be taking good care of my FI that night along with the BM. Unfortunately, alot of our friends don't have money or are cheap, so I at least know he'll have a good time because of those 3.
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    sbelle85sbelle85 member
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    Wow, ShyDreamer, I'm sorry your fiance is having to go through that. The former BM sounds really pushy. If he doesn't want to attend some of the events, fine, that's this choice, but I would have a problem with him also trying to cajole other guys into not attending either.

    I have an update on my fiance's situation: After a week of BM avoiding my fiance, my fiance called his wife to ask what was going on and to make sure that BM was okay - he was worried about him. The wife was like, "Oh yeah, he's just really busy, I'll have him call you." BM called him this weekend and apologized for "dropping the ball" on the bachelor party. Fiance is still hurt and somewhat confused as to why BM just didn't ever plan anything (The excuse was basically, "Sorry man but I was just too busy.") but he was glad BM apologized, and I'm just not really saying anything either way about it because if he's satisfied with this apology then I don't want to have a negative attitude.

    I understand that the bachelor/bachelorette party is not an obligation. BUT, I think that changes once you've volunteered to host it and had the bride/groom take time off of work. If you can't or don't want to commit to the responsibility of hosting it, don't offer. So, just between us Knotties, I'm glad he apologized, but I would not be entirely truthful if I said that I didn't still have some hard feelings.
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    ShyDreamer00ShyDreamer00
    First Comment
    edited April 2012
    I would still have hard feelings too especially since it was your FI that reached out to the BM to see what was going on and not the other way around. I also understand that the bachelor party is not a "job" to be given out and that it can be hosted by anyone, however when someone volunteers you assume its being handled. It is a gift to the bachelor, but when its expected it can be quite disappointing when its not followed through upon :( I hope your FI has a great time doing something else while celebrating the fact that his "single" days are coming to an end :)
    Plus, lets face it....this is the groom's big night, where he gets to just enjoy being with his friends. As my FI says, "I'm part of the wedding day, but everyone tends to look towards the bride more" lol.
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