Help I have a " negative nancy" bridesmaid

Ericalynn1991 · May 2012

I just got engaged this year, and my fiancée and I have decided on a long engagement since I am school. I already have my bridesmaids picked out, most women do. My MOH is my little sister and my two other bridesmaids are my best friends. Well the problem now is that one of my bridesmaids is negative about everything. She criticizes all of my choices, and she wil make comments lie, " we'll I wouldn't do that." I have told heron multiple occassions that I do not appreciate her rude and snarky comments, but they never stop. She is one of my best friends, but I am afraid this will ruin our friendship. What should I do???

littleluckypenny · May 2012

Stop talking to her about the wedding. Simple.

pkontk · May 2012

It really isn't a good idea to ask your wedding party more than a year out, in case relationships change. A lot of brides aren't aware of that (myself included, but now I'm 3+ months out and have had zero issues) and jump the gun.

Stop talking to her about your wedding ideas. If you don't share, she can't snark!

aerinpegadrak · May 2012

Stop talking to ANYONE about the wedding, except your FI (and really, there's nothing to talk about at this point). Otherwise people are going to want to stab you long before the party actually comes up in two whole, long years. No one likes a one-topic boor. Post on the boards to get your wedding on, and spare the people in meatspace. They'll be very much appreciative.

OBX2011 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_help-i-have-a-negative-nancy-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f98af567-ad24-4efb-aec8-ba848794cfc3Post:f0ee4b98-9a32-4af8-a8dc-22edf2ed8ebc">Help I have a " negative nancy" bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]I just got engaged this year, and my fiancée and I have decided on a long engagement since I am school. I already have my bridesmaids picked out, most women do. My MOH is my little sister and my two other bridesmaids are my best friends. Well the problem now is that one of my bridesmaids is negative about everything. She criticizes all of my choices, and she wil make comments lie, " we'll I wouldn't do that." I have told heron multiple occassions that I do not appreciate her rude and snarky comments, but they never stop. <strong>She is one of my best friends, but I am afraid this will ruin our friendship</strong>. What should I do???
Posted by Ericalynn1991[/QUOTE]

If you are concerned that something such as wedding talk could ruin your friendship, you have bigger problems on your hands. Would you seriously allow your wedding DAY (yes, you get ONE day) to ruin a friendship that you have had for years??

The less she knows, the less she will have to say. If she happens to ask about anything, just tell her you are still thinking about it or haven't gotten to that point of your planning yet and change the subject.

cwaggoner07 · May 2012

If you read through this board, you will see many people who asked bridesmaids too soon and ended up regretting it. There is just no reason you need to pick your bridesmaids any earlier than 8 or 9 months out.

blgrout · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_help-i-have-a-negative-nancy-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f98af567-ad24-4efb-aec8-ba848794cfc3Post:f7564faf-c977-4145-8351-dda122521296">Re: Help I have a " negative nancy" bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Help I have a " negative nancy" bridesmaid : If you are concerned that something such as wedding talk could ruin your friendship, you have bigger problems on your hands. Would you seriously allow your wedding DAY (yes, you get ONE day) to ruin a friendship that you have had for years?? The less she knows, the less she will have to say. If she happens to ask about anything, just tell her you are still thinking about it or haven't gotten to that point of your planning yet and change the subject.
Posted by OBX2011[/QUOTE]

This is seriously good advice.

There's no point in pointing out that you asked your WP to be your WP too early, since your wedding is in 2 years. But since you've asked them, I would cool your jets on the wedding talk and planning for a little bit. Also, it's possible that your friend is jealous of you for being in this stage of your life, or afraid that you'll ditch her or something along those lines. Weddings make people crazy.

michellesean · May 2012

I didn't see anything in OP that said the wedding wasn't for another 2 years. All she said was that she got engaged this year and is going to have a long engagement. My wedding is about a year from now and I already asked my WP. They're all people who have been in my life for at least 6 years, one I've known since I was in pre-school, and as long as I'm laid back about the plans this far away from the wedding I think everything should be fine. I agree that you should ease up on your wedding details for now. I think that whether you have 2 years to plan or 6 months to plan you always need to be careful about how much info you share about your wedding. Even family and friends who are eager to help, I'd try not to bombard them with info. You have plenty of time to figure out your vision, take advantage of it! And focus on school because I know that you will enjoy it so much more after you're done!

aerinpegadrak · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_help-i-have-a-negative-nancy-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f98af567-ad24-4efb-aec8-ba848794cfc3Post:dc354d85-4077-4619-a027-56858b4e8a33">Re: Help I have a " negative nancy" bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't see anything in OP that said the wedding wasn't for another 2 years. All she said was that she got engaged this year and is going to have a long engagement. My wedding is about a year from now and I already asked my WP. They're all people who have been in my life for at least 6 years, one I've known since I was in pre-school, and as long as I'm laid back about the plans this far away from the wedding I think everything should be fine. I agree that you should ease up on your wedding details for now. I think that whether you have 2 years to plan or 6 months to plan you always need to be careful about how much info you share about your wedding. Even family and friends who are eager to help, I'd try not to bombard them with info. You have plenty of time to figure out your vision, take advantage of it! And focus on school because I know that you will enjoy it so much more after you're done!
Posted by michellesean[/QUOTE]
Her profile says the wedding is in 2014. You can get there by clicking on her name.

aerinpegadrak · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_help-i-have-a-negative-nancy-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f98af567-ad24-4efb-aec8-ba848794cfc3Post:f0144f7f-8100-4e11-8fb9-812da4577cd2">Re: Help I have a " negative nancy" bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help I have a " negative nancy" bridesmaid : TK is soooo haaaaard.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
So glad to see that the coding somehow managed to get WORSE in the year or so I wasn't posting.

Viczaesar · May 2012

In Response to Re:Help I have a :[QUOTE]Stop talking to ANYONE about the wedding, except your FI and really, there's nothing to talk about at this point.nbsp; Otherwise people are going to want to stab you long before the party actually comes up in two whole, long years.nbsp; No one likes a onetopic boor.nbsp; Post on the boards to get your wedding on, and spare the people in meatspace.nbsp; They'll be very much appreciative. Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]
Meatspace?

aerinpegadrak · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_help-i-have-a-negative-nancy-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f98af567-ad24-4efb-aec8-ba848794cfc3Post:bd22c812-5bee-4365-82bc-c4602e5cbdda">Re:Help I have a</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Help I have a : Meatspace?
Posted by Viczaesar[/QUOTE]
You know, as opposed to online.

calliopeia2013 · May 2012

So, I almost hate to suggest this, but since asking bridesmaids 2 years out shows one lapse in judgement already, OP, can you take a step back and ask yourself objectively, is your BM just trying to talk you out of ideas that really are kind of bad? Because, you know, it's a friend's job to tell you butterfly releases are actually kind of gross, or that chartreuse looks terrible on everyone, or that it's rude to have an open bar or whatever.

VeggieLove1022 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_help-i-have-a-negative-nancy-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f98af567-ad24-4efb-aec8-ba848794cfc3Post:a9aa56a0-f994-4192-8470-90e44c62e13c">Re: Help I have a " negative nancy" bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help I have a " negative nancy" bridesmaid : This is seriously good advice. There's no point in pointing out that you asked your WP to be your WP too early, since your wedding is in 2 years. But since you've asked them, I would cool your jets on the wedding talk and planning for a little bit. Also,<strong> it's possible that your friend is jealous of you</strong> for being in this stage of your life, or afraid that you'll ditch her or something along those lines. Weddings make people crazy.
Posted by blgrout[/QUOTE]

I bet it's less about jealousy and more about the OP driving everyone nuts with wedding talk. Not everyone is jealous over weddings. Brides are constantly saying how another female is jealous of her when in fact the bride is just annoying as shiiiit.

aerinpegadrak · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_help-i-have-a-negative-nancy-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f98af567-ad24-4efb-aec8-ba848794cfc3Post:875efdca-0cc8-4682-8eab-edd8f9e2e934">Re:Help I have a</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Help I have a : I get what you mean now, but still don't get how you got there. Why 'meatspace'?
Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]
*shrug* I probably heard it somewhere, I've been using it for a while.

PJSPJS · June 2012

I have never heard "meatspace" before, but my guess is that it means something equivalent to "in the flesh" (i.e., in person). Hence the "meat."

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