• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Jewish Weddings

Sunday wedding

Ideally, I wanted to have my wedding over a 3 day weekend so everyone would have Monday off (since we are having a Sunday wedding), but the dates weren't available, so we're having our wedding in June 2011. My mom said to me not to worry about it and people can just take the following Monday off (afterall, they have about a year's notice!).  The vast majority of people attending will be out of towners.  Also, the wedding won't end until probably 9/10pm...too late for people to be driving for hours to go back home, not to mention I'd expect them to be intoxicated.  

Last night I went out to dinner with my FI and his parents (they all live 4 hrs away from my hometown) and we were talking about the wedding and anyway, I said something like, well people can just take that Monday off and they gave me this look like HOW DARE YOU EXPECT THAT FROM PEOPLE!  I don't know what they were expecting their friends to do...I just felt weird about it...am i expecting too much?  All of their friends are Jewish too so they understand the whole Sunday thing.  Can you give me some thoughts/feelings about all of this?

Re: Sunday wedding

  • edited December 2011
    I'm in the same boat - wanted to use a 3-day weekend, but wasn't able to due to the rabbi's vacation.  Just out of curiousity, what's your wedding date? Mine is June 18, 2011.

    I don't feel like you're expecting too much from your guests.  They've run into this before and shouldn't be surprised.  And since you're doing your wedding pretty early, if someone absolutely had to go home, they could leave the wedding at eight and be home by midnight (assuming they're going to FI's hometown). I figure I'll have a few guests leave my reception early so they can go to work the next day, and I understand. Some people won't be able to make it because they can't afford to skip work, and that sucks, but the truth is that no matter when you schedule it, some people just won't be able to come. 

    FWIW, I'm converting before the wedding, so the Sunday wedding thing is pretty foreign to my parents, most of the guets on my side, and about half the guests (friends) on FI's side. Everyone has been understanding about it and I haven't really gotten any negative reactions.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • tenofcups4metenofcups4me member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry if this isn't what you want to hear, but yes, I would think of it as an imposition to go to a Sunday night wedding if I lived far enough away so that I'd have to take Monday off. I would think it was an inconsiderate choice and I would really wonder why you chose to do it that way. Whether or not I would come would depend on my relationship with you and my individual work situation. 

     I have been to LOCAL Sunday night weddings and never gave it a second thought. I've also been to Sunday afternoon weddings.

    I understand you can have your wedding whenever and however you want, but I do think you need to be prepared for a significant number of declines in that scenario. I certainly would not walk around casually saying oh well, people can just take the day off -- for some people, it's easy to do; for others it's a big deal, but in either case, it comes off as presumptuous to assume they can easily do it.
  • edited December 2011
    sunday june 5.
    also, for future people & responses, my FI lives 3 hrs away from the reception site.
  • edited December 2011
    I have been to several Sunday night weddings and here is what happens: a lot of the out of town guests will decline because they won't want (or can't) take a day off of work. The guests that are in town will come for the ceremony and reception but will leave after dinner. The majority of people will NOT take off the Monday for your wedding. The ones who will will be close family and very close friends. Of the Sunday night weddings that I attended the only one I took work off for was the one I was in. Otherwise, I either left after dinner or declined the invite. And it won't matter how much notice you give them about the wedding: if they have a limited number of days off or it is hard to take off, then they are not going to.

    Perhaps you could start the ceremony earlier so people would be able to take off earlier?
    Anniversary image
  • 2dBride2dBride member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I had my first wedding at 10:00 AM for just that reason.  We were able to have a nice lunch reception (which saved on food costs) after the ceremony.  And people were still able to get home the same day.
  • RachiemooRachiemoo member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    ditto 2dbride's response - if you have a lot of out of towners, i'd probably do a brunch or lunch reception, they're really quite lovely anyways!
    image BabyFruit Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    this is why we picked labor day weekend this year for ours.  my parents did columbus day weekend (almost 27 years ago) and did an earlier ceremony (12:30pm) so that people could go home early if they didnt have off the following monday cause not everyone gets off for columbus day.  def try for earlier in the day and it might not be a big problem.
    image
    At sea, heading to Lisbon, Portugal Anniversary
  • edited December 2011
    If you plan to give out save-the-dates, you can try to figure out who'll come for your wedding or not by giving a heads up as to time.  If it looks like a lot of folks won't go as a result, then you can plan accordingly.

    No offense, but when it comes to a milestone like a wedding, you'd be surprised what people would do and if many folks are family, they will make the sacrifice - despite what your future-in-laws stated.

    My opinion, do what you want and whoever comes comes, and whoever doesn't wiill miss out.  Personally, I'd rather have those members and friends with me than worry about having some big affair just to please people and change my time line and other matters.  I've certainly gone to plenty of Sunday weddings and weekday events and folks that want to be a part of the festivities will make the sacrifice because they know how difficult it can be just to plan such events.

    GL and do what'll make you and FI happy.
  • Musicheals71Musicheals71 member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Like viewfromheaven, I am also having a Labor Day Weekend wedding this year.  Luckily, most people seem to have Labor Day off.
  • Danaz1Danaz1 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    The important people will come to your wedding.  Ours was on a sunday night starting at 5:00 last August.  My relatives that came took off monday.  The people that didn't come weren't that important to me anyways.  It turned out so well we invited more people then we wanted to come and we ended up with a good number that came.  If someone is offended then too bad for them.  Its your wedding and being jewish this is what most jews do in the summer when getting married.  Just expected that some people may not come but the important people will be there.
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_sunday-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:399Discussion:4a69c97f-3d1f-4903-b0b4-ea476f77fdabPost:2a6f4aff-a4c7-4dcf-baf8-d41a6e0766f5">Re: Sunday wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm sorry if this isn't what you want to hear, but yes, I would think of it as an imposition to go to a Sunday night wedding if I lived far enough away so that I'd have to take Monday off. I would think it was an inconsiderate choice and I would really wonder why you chose to do it that way. Whether or not I would come would depend on my relationship with you and my individual work situation.   I have been to LOCAL Sunday night weddings and never gave it a second thought. I've also been to Sunday afternoon weddings. I understand you can have your wedding whenever and however you want, but I do think you need to be prepared for a significant number of declines in that scenario. I certainly would not walk around casually saying oh well, people can just take the day off -- for some people, it's easy to do; for others it's a big deal, but in either case, it comes off as presumptuous to assume they can easily do it.
    Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

    I disagree with this statement. 

    First, Jewish weddings cannot be on Saturday until after sundown.  Unless you want a winter wedding (and risk having bad weather for your OOTers to travel in), you kind of have to do it on a Sunday. 

    Second, no matter when your wedding is (Saturday or Sunday), your OOT guests will have to at least take of some work to travel. 

    Third, people who really want to be at your wedding will figure it out.  We invited over 200 OOTs to our wedding (it is Sunday, August 1 at 5:30 PM) and almost all of them are coming.  The wedding is in my home town and FI's family lives about 4 hours away.  They are all coming in for it.

    Finally, if you want your wedding to be a formal affair, then it makes the most sense to do it late afternoon/evening.  We are still expecting our guests to dance and drink and party as if it were a Saturday night, and from the other Sunday weddings I've been to, your guests WILL have a great time even if your wedding is on Sunday. 

    The problem with Sunday morning weddings is that you and your briday party have to get up at like 5 am to start getting your hair/makeup ready for pictures. 
  • moslimosli member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    i agree with parker - no matter what day the wedding is out of town guests will have to plan on some time off work. If they want to be at your wedding, they'll make it work.  My wedding is on a Sunday late afternoon/evening, and my family is all OOT. I've heard no smack about taking time off work so far, but i do know a few can't make it because of that.  when i first started planning everyone told me that same thing: its your wedding, have it when you want, how you want it.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_sunday-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:399Discussion:4a69c97f-3d1f-4903-b0b4-ea476f77fdabPost:c52051a0-094c-40ac-8612-70ee5b38cf49">Re: Sunday wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]i agree with parker - no matter what day the wedding is out of town guests will have to plan on some time off work. If they want to be at your wedding, they'll make it work.  My wedding is on a Sunday late afternoon/evening, and my family is all OOT. I've heard no smack about taking time off work so far, but i do know a few can't make it because of that.  when i first started planning everyone told me that same thing: its your wedding, have it when you want, how you want it.
    Posted by mosli[/QUOTE]

    Thanks!  It's true, I am kind of upset that a handful of my close college friends can't come in (I sent Save the Dates so that everyone could plan ahead), but things come up.  But, they have to fly in, and can't find inexpensive flights where they can take off the most minimal amount of work, so they had to pass, and I understand that.  Especially if these friends/relatives have to travel by plane, they most likely will either take off Friday afternoon for a Saturday wedding or Monday morning for a Sunday wedding, so I don't think they would be able to come no matter what. 
  • edited December 2011
    We wanted a Memorial Day weekend wedding, but the date was already taken, so we had a wedding in June. Yes, some OOT guests were unable to make it, but those that really wanted to be at the event made it a priorty and joined us. Don't expect people to take time off work for your wedding... if they want to be there, they'll figure it out and if they can't/won't get the time off, don't cry about your hurt feelings.
  • LBRM_NJLBRM_NJ member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I had a Sunday day wedding (because the evening was already booked and nothing was available for a very long time) on Father's Day and everyone we expected to come came.  I've been to a ton of Sunday day and night weddings, both in town and out of town.  I've never thought twice about it.  If I'm close enough to want to attend the wedding, I will do what I have to do.  If I was close enough to go home that night (within 3 hours, sometimes getting home after 2am), I did so and went to work the next day.  Was I tired?  Sure.  Did I deal with it.  Yep.  If it was further away and I needed to stay over, I stayed over.

    I don't know, maybe they just aren't common everywhere, but, Sunday day and evening weddings are VERY normal in my jewish community and in my family.  Completely not an issue for me. 

    Do what works for you.  People who want to come will come.
    Lisa
    The Knot lost my info, but, I've been married since 6/19/05!
    image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker My Blog - "Helping Make Sense"
  • edited December 2011
    Ihan Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_sunday-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:399Discussion:4a69c97f-3d1f-4903-b0b4-ea476f77fdabPost:34c436f1-da43-4dc1-a40b-a7f2d3395cba">Re: Sunday wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sunday wedding : Thanks!  It's true, I am kind of upset that a handful of my close college friends can't come in (I sent Save the Dates so that everyone could plan ahead), but things come up.  But, they have to fly in, and can't find inexpensive flights where they can take off the most minimal amount of work, so they had to pass, and I understand that.  Especially if these friends/relatives have to travel by plane, they most likely will either take off Friday afternoon for a Saturday wedding or Monday morning for a Sunday wedding, so I don't think they would be able to come no matter what. 
    Posted by parker624[/QUOTE]


    We sent out save the dates and many folks waited at the last minute and thus, some could attend.  You can't tell people how to be organized; if they really wanted to come, then they would have tried to look for flights sooner. 

    In any event, enjoy your day with those that have made the trip to be with you.  Trust me, once the day gets here, it'll be so joyous and folks that couldn't (or didn't want to) make it will hear about it and wish they had attended...
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_sunday-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:399Discussion:4a69c97f-3d1f-4903-b0b4-ea476f77fdabPost:f64243d3-1b2b-446b-819a-df990967849e">Re: Sunday wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ihan Response to Re: Sunday wedding : We sent out save the dates and many folks waited at the last minute and thus, some could attend.  You can't tell people how to be organized; if they really wanted to come, then they would have tried to look for flights sooner.  In any event, enjoy your day with those that have made the trip to be with you.  Trust me, once the day gets here, it'll be so joyous and folks that couldn't (or didn't want to) make it will hear about it and wish they had attended...
    Posted by slbriz34[/QUOTE]
     
    yup!  i know the few people who wanted to attend but couldn't feel horrible, and the distant relatives who rsvped no woudln't have come even if the wedding was on Saturday  We are going to be celebrating the day with 315 of our closest family and friends and I couldn't be more excited, even though I wil miss the few people that I wanted to be there. 

    Back to original post:  No matter what not everyone you invite to the wedding will be able to attend, so schedule your wedding when you want it.  If that is a Sunday night, then so what.  Don't let your FIL's friends dictate how your day plays out.
  • edited December 2011
    Thank you so much for all the positive feedback!  You have made me feel so much more comfortable with my decision!!  
  • edited December 2011
    I had a Sunday evening wedding where all the guests were local and I agree with the above posts. I would have scheduled my wedding earlier in the day.  People left after dinner and it was disappointing since we had a great orchestra.  I wish we had scheduled my wedding earlier in the day
    U/S#1 showed 2 heartbeats! U/S#2 showed Baby A's heartbeat was 157 and Baby B 's heartbeat was 183! U/S#4 showed Baby A is a Boy (heartbeat 161) and Baby B is a Girl (heartbeat 159)!! Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_sunday-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:399Discussion:4a69c97f-3d1f-4903-b0b4-ea476f77fdabPost:d6d13aca-a13c-420f-b2af-07af7e7cc16d">Re: Sunday wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sunday wedding : I disagree with this statement.  First, Jewish weddings cannot be on Saturday until after sundown.  Unless you want a winter wedding (and risk having bad weather for your OOTers to travel in), you kind of have to do it on a Sunday.  Second, no matter when your wedding is (Saturday or Sunday), your OOT guests will have to at least take of some work to travel.  Third, people who really want to be at your wedding will figure it out.  We invited over 200 OOTs to our wedding (it is Sunday, August 1 at 5:30 PM) and almost all of them are coming.  The wedding is in my home town and FI's family lives about 4 hours away.  They are all coming in for it. Finally, if you want your wedding to be a formal affair, then it makes the most sense to do it late afternoon/evening.  We are still expecting our guests to dance and drink and party as if it were a Saturday night, and from the other Sunday weddings I've been to, your guests WILL have a great time even if your wedding is on Sunday.  The problem with Sunday morning weddings is that you and your briday party have to get up at like 5 am to start getting your hair/makeup ready for pictures. 
    Posted by parker624[/QUOTE]

    I I couldn't agree more with Parker!. We invited 130 people to our wedding and 107 were in attendance. I think of 140, 1 was EXTREMELY sick so that knocked her husband out, about 15 were college friends of mine that would have had to take time off from med school, law school, orientations, etc.  A handful were family friends.

    Our wedding was on August 23. Ceremony was at 330 I believe. Cocktail hour was at 5, recept 6-11 (maybe it was until 10).  My opinion on the matter is 1. if people care, they will be there, and will not leave at 7 pm to drive home and be tucked into bed by 1030. How often do these people go to Sunday weddings? If its often, they are accustomed to it, if its not often, then they make a sacrifice. Honestly, if I knew a single person attending my wedding was not willing to sacrifice a little less sleep, a longer drive, etc, they would not be invited because they simply would not be our friends/family's friends.  I know you can't pick your parents' friends or your FI's parents' friends but honestly, this is something you need not worry about. I don't think its selfish or closed minded and I personally refused to forego the formal wedding I wanted.  It worked out perfectly for us and I hope it does for you as well.
  • razdazzlerazdazzle member
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    All of the weddings in my family have been on a Sunday.  So far it hasn't been a problem for people.  Most will come Saturday and take Monday off instead of taking Friday off.  If people have enough notice with save-the-dates they will make time to be there for you.  I don't think you should worry about that too much.

    We invited 180 guests and will have 140 in attendance.  Some did decline because they couldn't take Monday off.  But for the good majority it wasn't a problem.  Some of my family on the west coast are making a vacation out of the weekend and staying longer to check out DC. 

    I think you should plan the wedding that you and FI want to have, and those people who want to come will be there.
  • edited December 2011
    I had a Sunday wedding, and made it at 1 so that guests could have time fly in Sunday morning and fly out Sunday night (most of the OOT guests were about an hour flight away). If that works for you then great, but if it doesn't, then you have to do what does. I don't think it's right to publicly express that everyone will just take off Monday, because some people can't, but your close friends and relatives will do everything they can to attend. When I'm invited to a Sunday evening OOT wedding, I go if I'm close with the couple and travel through the night or very early Monday if I can't take off, and decline if I'm not close with them. The important thing is for you to have the wedding when you want it, because it's your wedding. And the people that can come, will.
  • lachlomlachlom member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    The entire Orthodox community pretty much does weddings on Sundays and sometimes Tuesdays even! We all manage. I have not missed a wedding of someone important because it was on a Sunday. Orthodox weddings still have out of towners either traveling by plane or just driving pretty far. It works. It's fine. If someone is going to make such a fuss, it's probably not even worth the argument. They can leave early so they can get some rest before work, or just not go.
  • Jeni35Jeni35 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Well, Sunday is the traditional Jewish day to be married, although I hear Tuesday also works well! We were planning our wedding for 10.10.10 in Encino, California,m which is a holiday weekend of sorts (Columbus Day); but I got a promotion and we moved to Tampa Bay, so I literally have changed our wedding plans around. It will be in St. Petersburg on 10.24.10 (10.10.10 was already taken). We are having a small wedding but 9 people are coming from out of town and will fly back on Monday. Don't worry too much about who can and who cannot make it. I have dear friends whose wedding I did not attend because it was across the country adn not doable for me. They were not offended and I am not offended if they are not at my wedding. The one super cool aspect...our rabbi is coming to marry us from Cali, which is great because we both like and respect him. I was wondering about time. I think I will stick with my original 2pm time.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards