Woah wait - weekend bachelorette and BM's pay her way?

Mycrimsonheart · June 2011

So most of this post is a rant but there are questions at the end haha..

I'm the MOH and I'm planning a really nice shower for the bride with a private lunch at a nice restaurant and 70+ guests. Per BM it is going to cost $380 (I've done the best I can with keeping the costs low while still reaching the brides expectations)

Now there's talk of an entire weekend bachelorette party (which is not unheard of these days). The idea of Vegas keeps coming up, even though she's said three times now that she doesn't want to ask her BM's do pay that much but again some how she keeps bring it up as a possibility (we live in the New Hampshire). So if she does decide that she wants to do that I will have to find a nice way to tell her spending a grand on a weekend in Vegas is not something I can justify...especially to my husband because we've been saving for months to be able to finally go on a vacation for a week for $1200.

So we have talked about staying local for a weekend which itself will cost $300-400.

So 1. when did a bachelorette party become an entire weekend of attention and spending for the bride? and 2. I just read that the BM's are also expected to pay for the bride for the bachelorette party on top of what they're already spending on the shower and the weekend for themselves?

lindseyann410 · June 2011

$380 per bridesmaid for a luncheon shower?!? That is insane! I can't imagine ever spending that much for a shower.

That being said, I just got back from a bachelorette weekend of one of my friends. Now, I am not a bridesmaid for this wedding. Between lodgings (a cute private cabin), the limo bus, alcohol, a gift, and food, the weekend cost about $200. The main cabin had a kitchen, so the MOH bought groceries for us to make almost all the meals, so that was cheap. The cost wasn't split between BMs, it was among all those who went. Although that was a lot for me at this time, I thought it was worth it for a whole weekend of fun with my best friends from college that I rarely get to see anymore.

So, is this bachelorette something you can afford? Is it quality time with friends that will be worth the cost? If the answer to both of these isn't yes, then you need to politely decline.

Good luck!

MairePoppy · June 2011

You can't be the only one in the wedding party who's budget for this wedding is maxed out. The bride shouldn't be suggesting a bp, at all, let alone a weekend in Las Vegas.

If you are willing to organize a bp for her, ask all the girls what they can afford to spend for the evening (yes, one evening) and plan accordingly. It may be typical for the wedding party to pick up the bride's tab for one evening out, not for an entire weekend, including airfare, hotel and meals. That's ridiculous.

If the others decide they want to go to Vegas, tell them to have a great time, but you can't afford to go with them. And of course, you are not obligated to help with the cost.

Good luck.

cpm1223 · June 2011

I don't understand why bachelorette parties have become such an extravagant event! I've seen lots of people going to Vegas, Florida, etc. for a 4-5 night stay for the bachelorette party and it's insane!

If you think the bride-to-be just wants a weekend away, I'd go somewhere slightly more local....at least within driving distance to keep the costs down.

If you are in NH, head down to Boston for a night, go to a beach town in Maine, or go to a Vermont! Also, consider going to Montreal for a night or two!

You could invite more girls that are invited to the wedding, that would keep the cost of paying for the bride down a little bit and maybe even lower hotel costs if people share rooms and chip in for gas.

LoveMuffins · June 2011

It's pretty standard in my group of friends that the hosts of the Bachlorette party pay the bride's way, however none of us have ever done a weekend getaway Bachlorette party either.

it's great that you want to listen to the bride's hints about what she wants, but you definitely do not have to go broke achieving it. maybe next time she hints you could hint back that vegas is not going to be doable, especially if she isn't going to pay any part of her trip. lol. that would probably stop the hints =D

really, she should be grateful for whatever you do for her.

MairePoppy · June 2011

You could also check out Foxwoods Resort Casino in CT. There is plenty to do there: gambling, music, shows, bowling alley and restaurants. It's within driving distance from NH. And there are very nice hotels attached to the casino, if you want to stay overnight.

rachaelgettingmarried · June 2011

I'm from NH too! I think it really does depend on what your budget is. I am currently planning a bachlorette party for a wedding I am a BM in with the MOH. I am paying for parts of the shower and the bachelorette, but we sat down and had a discussion of what we feel comfortable budgeting early on.

If you can afford Vegas, why not, but I think most people can't realistically afford it. To give you an idea of the bachelorette I am plannning, we are going to Ogunquit for the day and heading back to Southern NH and taking a limo out in Manchester (the bride didn't want to go to Boston). I am really excited about it and we were up front cost wise with all invited. I hope it all works out!!

Eggshell31 · June 2011

I vote to take her to MONTREAL for the weekend. MUCH cheaper... and no offence you NEVER should have thrown a shower that was going to cost that much money!!!! ARG I would kill my girls if they ever spent that much on a DAY- CMON a weekend is worth it..

and you dont live too far from foxwoods or mohegan sun!! LIVE IT UP

Woah wait - weekend bachelorette and BM's pay her way?

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