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Help!

sydneyjaynesydneyjayne member
First Comment
in Military Brides
My fiance is in the Marines and we don't get to see each other often.. We're planning our wedding but it is very hard to do together when we're far apart (he's stationed in California and I'm in school in Oklahoma). I know we have time to plan it all it's just very hard to do to get everything that we both like while being apart... Anyone in the same boat?
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Re: Help!

  • divinemsbeedivinemsbee member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    First question, where is the wedding? If it's where you are, here are my suggestions: 

    Maybe narrow things down to 2 or 3 options per thing you need (venue, catering/menu, band)and send him lots of info and pictures. That way he can feel a art of the process. If there are one or two things he's totally adamant about, make sure you give him as much info as you can. If there are things he really doesn't care about (my FI really does not care about much, but definitely not the flowers) then go ahead and make that decision. 

    I planned the majority of my wedding, which is in my hometown (in MS) while I lived in TX and FI was in VA. 

    If you're not where the wedding is, or not close enough to make weekend trips back, do you have family there that are helping you out? If not, can you afford to hire a co-ordinator? I'm lucky enough to have family and contacts where I'm having my wedding, which is making things a lot easier. 
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  • ggirl2001ggirl2001 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    See what he wants to be a part of in planning. My H left picking up flowers, colors etc up to me. I would research photgraphers, dj's and send him the links and we would decide together. But really he trusted my judgment and left me to do it, especially since he was deployed during part of our planning. 

    Email him your ideas, get his feedback, and then decide. Honestly, it wouldn't be that different even if you were together, you would probably be finding most of the ideas and telling him about it. 
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  • crownsuperstarcrownsuperstar member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_help-10?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:4f4bc2f6-c1a4-4e2f-a4eb-fd46907dd191Post:da780585-98dd-4d17-8b57-2e1dedec6bf4">Re: Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]See what he wants to be a part of in planning. <strong>My H left picking up flowers, colors etc up to me. I would research photgraphers, dj's and send him the links and we would decide together.</strong> But really he trusted my judgment and left me to do it, especially since he was deployed during part of our planning.  <strong>Email him your ideas, get his feedback, and then decide.</strong> Honestly, it wouldn't be that different even if you were together, you would probably be finding most of the ideas and telling him about it. 
    Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]

    We did this too.  My H was concerned with "no play" list and the food.  Everything else he was fine with what I choose. 

    Good luck planning!
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  • calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    It depends a lot on the guy - I know guys who were very interested in being an active part of planning the wedding.  And others (like mine) who just want to show up and prefer NOT to have a big say in the details.  Talk to your FI and figure out which aspects are important to him, and how involved he sees himself with the planning.  If he doesn't want to be very hands on, it's pretty simple - planning long distance isn't as hard as it seems.  Just be super organized, read reviews on potential vendors, interview by phone, and go over the contract with a fine tooth comb.

    Oh!  And remember military clauses - in every contract, you're going to want them to add a clause that says that in the case that he is unable to attend the wedding as scheduled to his military commitment (this could be a deployment, but it could also be just not getting leave or having training), that the vendor agrees to either refund your money or transfer the balance to a mutually agreeable date.

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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_help-10?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:4f4bc2f6-c1a4-4e2f-a4eb-fd46907dd191Post:a2bddd07-7e4d-4d9f-b80f-95f80bba5f7f">Re: Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]It depends a lot on the guy - I know guys who were very interested in being an active part of planning the wedding.  And others (like mine) who just want to show up and prefer NOT to have a big say in the details.  Talk to your FI and figure out which aspects are important to him, and how involved he sees himself with the planning.  If he doesn't want to be very hands on, it's pretty simple - planning long distance isn't as hard as it seems.  Just be super organized, read reviews on potential vendors, interview by phone, and go over the contract with a fine tooth comb.<strong> Oh!  And remember military clauses - in every contract, you're going to want them to add a clause that says that in the case that he is unable to attend the wedding as scheduled to his military commitment (this could be a deployment, but it could also be just not getting leave or having training), that the vendor agrees to either refund your money or transfer the balance to a mutually agreeable date.</strong><div>Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]</div><div>
    </div><div>This part is VERY important.  My niece got married last year and is now an Army wife.  For over a year their wedding date was to be in November 2011 because he was to to deploy in January 2012.  Well......June 2011 his deployment was cancelled and he got orders to be overseas for 12 months, unaccompanied, and had to be there in October - 7 weeks prior to their scheduled wedding date!  They had to move the wedding up to September.  I had spoken to my BIL and SIL about getting a military clause in all of their contracts and it saved their butts.  All of their vendors were great about it and all were available for the new date.  Make sure you get that clause in there!!

    </div>
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  • 2sailors2sailors member
    First Comment
    edited August 2012
    Pretty much same boat here. He is in the middle east and I am in Kansas. We are getting married in Las Vegas so I am doing everything by myself. Top it off I am military too so there is a lot of stress with it. Sucks but those are the cards we have been dealt. I send him pictures of things I like but really he is just going to be showing up as we are getting married a few days after he gets back to the states. Part of military life is "adapt and overcome" so you just have to roll with the punches.
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  • sydneyjaynesydneyjayne member
    First Comment
    No the wedding is going to be in Idaho.. Neither of us are there but his family is. One of his sisters offered to help but I'd feel bad asking her to do so much for me because she has a job and baby... It's just very stressful thinking I would have to do it all on my own while still focusing on graduating college.

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_help-10?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:4f4bc2f6-c1a4-4e2f-a4eb-fd46907dd191Post:2065a67c-9df4-4f9b-810a-ab12125fb451">Re: Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]First question, where is the wedding? If it's where you are, here are my suggestions:  Maybe narrow things down to 2 or 3 options per thing you need (venue, catering/menu, band)and send him lots of info and pictures. That way he can feel a art of the process. If there are one or two things he's totally adamant about, make sure you give him as much info as you can. If there are things he really doesn't care about (my FI really does not care about much, but definitely not the flowers) then go ahead and make that decision.  I planned the majority of my wedding, which is in my hometown (in MS) while I lived in TX and FI was in VA.  If you're not where the wedding is, or not close enough to make weekend trips back, do you have family there that are helping you out? If not, can you afford to hire a co-ordinator? I'm lucky enough to have family and contacts where I'm having my wedding, which is making things a lot easier. 
    Posted by divinemsbee[/QUOTE]
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  • sydneyjaynesydneyjayne member
    First Comment
    Thank you! We talk everyday about everything. He wants to be involved as much as he can with everything so I even gave him the info to get on this website and add whatever he likes so I can add it to our book/binder. I may end up giving the info to one of his sisters who offered to help so she can actually see what I have in mind for it all. We will only be able to make one trip to Idaho to check things out and book everything because he'll only be able to take leave once next summer to get up there to help out in person...

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_help-10?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:4f4bc2f6-c1a4-4e2f-a4eb-fd46907dd191Post:da780585-98dd-4d17-8b57-2e1dedec6bf4">Re: Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]See what he wants to be a part of in planning. My H left picking up flowers, colors etc up to me. I would research photgraphers, dj's and send him the links and we would decide together. But really he trusted my judgment and left me to do it, especially since he was deployed during part of our planning.  Email him your ideas, get his feedback, and then decide. Honestly, it wouldn't be that different even if you were together, you would probably be finding most of the ideas and telling him about it. 
    Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]
    Report Reply
  • sydneyjaynesydneyjayne member
    First Comment
    Yeah it is pretty stressful.. It's hard to focus on graduating college and at the same time plan a wedding from Oklahoma that will be in Idaho.. We discuss it all as much as we can over Skype while we both have this site pulled up so we can bring together ideas and such. I also have a huge book/binder for things we both like and agree on for the wedding. Next will be actually going out and buying it all and boking placed and such. I'd really like to do that with him but he can only get leave once next summer to go to Idaho with me to check out and book everything. Whe I say the wedding is in a year and 10 months it sounds forever away but then when I actually look at everything that needs to be done by then and also dealing with college and focusing on graduating at the same time... It's a bit difficult...

     In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_help-10?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:4f4bc2f6-c1a4-4e2f-a4eb-fd46907dd191Post:bf7f20d9-e5ef-4486-a216-a2e469dc46e5">Re: Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Pretty much same boat here. He is in the middle east and I am in Kansas. We are getting married in Las Vegas so I am doing everything by myself. Top it off I am military too so there is a lot of stress with it. Sucks but those are the cards we have been dealt. I send him pictures of things I like but really he is just going to be showing up as we are getting married a few days after he gets back to the states. Part of military life is "adapt and overcome" so you just have to roll with the punches.
    Posted by 2sailors[/QUOTE]
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  • ggirl2001ggirl2001 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    My sister found our venue and I booked it sight unseen. H did not see it until we got down there for the wedding, so its ok :) 

    Disregard the knot checklist, that thing is crazy and will make you feel like you are constantly behind. Use google a lot for your vendors. Research, review, contact a few and then make a decision. If possible, maybe someone can meet them face to face, but if not, you can usually tell how they are by their contact. I booked our photographer prior to meeting with him as well. 
    image
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  • sydneyjaynesydneyjayne member
    First Comment
    Yeah the knot checklist has so much on it, every time I look at it I want to scream haha. Brad and I have a venue in mind and it's very pretty. I am most likely going to ask his sister or his mom if they would like to check it out for us and take pictures. Online it looks amazing and it will be easy for my family to get to who are coming from all around the U.S. He also said he knows some people who do photography but I'd want to see their work before deciding. It doesn't even have to be in person as long as I see their work somehow from where I'm at.

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_help-10?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:4f4bc2f6-c1a4-4e2f-a4eb-fd46907dd191Post:655fdbc8-410a-4a4b-95f1-bd9d50aab99d">Re: Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]My sister found our venue and I booked it sight unseen. H did not see it until we got down there for the wedding, so its ok :)  Disregard the knot checklist, that thing is crazy and will make you feel like you are constantly behind. Use google a lot for your vendors. Research, review, contact a few and then make a decision. If possible, maybe someone can meet them face to face, but if not, you can usually tell how they are by their contact. I booked our photographer prior to meeting with him as well. 
    Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]
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  • calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    I booked all my vendors on the phone via online recommendations - my local board here on TK and WeddingWire.  I couldn't be more thrilled with how the plans are all coming together, and I certainly couldn't have done a better job if I had been up here all along (relocated from Miami to RI in May, having wedding in CT in... um... 4 weeks!).  Being long distance isn't a handicap - to be honest, I found it easier since I didn't feel the pressure to meet face-to-face with every person I was considering.  I was able to come up with a budget, find vendors I liked that fit that budget, and then use very rational thinking to determine who I'd hire.

    All that to say - planning a wedding long distance certainly isn't impossible or even necessarily more difficult.

    Good luck!

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  • sydneyjaynesydneyjayne member
    First Comment
    Oh wow 4 weeks! That's so exciting! I think I may also find it less stressful to not have to do everything face-to-face. It does seem easier over the phone. My fiance has already called around to a few places but not the place we really like so I may need to do that soon. I was going to ask his sister or mom go check it out first to see if it's worth calling and such. If not, there's another place they were talking about where they actually know the owners and may be able to get us a great deal on it. We'll see

    Good luck on your wedding coming up really soon!!

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_help-10?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:4f4bc2f6-c1a4-4e2f-a4eb-fd46907dd191Post:0ce415fa-4363-497f-b3a6-50c6f308615b">Re: Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I booked all my vendors on the phone via online recommendations - my local board here on TK and WeddingWire.  I couldn't be more thrilled with how the plans are all coming together, and I certainly couldn't have done a better job if I had been up here all along (relocated from Miami to RI in May, having wedding in CT in... um... 4 weeks!).  Being long distance isn't a handicap - to be honest, I found it easier since I didn't feel the pressure to meet face-to-face with every person I was considering.  I was able to come up with a budget, find vendors I liked that fit that budget, and then use very rational thinking to determine who I'd hire. All that to say - planning a wedding long distance certainly isn't impossible or even necessarily more difficult. Good luck!
    Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]
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  • 2sailors2sailors member
    First Comment
    So hard to juggle everything! And we do the skype thing and i send him links to look at things. Going well so far but we are getting married in Vegas so very little planning.
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_help-10?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:4f4bc2f6-c1a4-4e2f-a4eb-fd46907dd191Post:4b312b9c-596a-44bd-96aa-d2870d542743">Re: Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yeah it is pretty stressful.. It's hard to focus on graduating college and at the same time plan a wedding from Oklahoma that will be in Idaho.. We discuss it all as much as we can over Skype while we both have this site pulled up so we can bring together ideas and such. I also have a huge book/binder for things we both like and agree on for the wedding. Next will be actually going out and buying it all and boking placed and such. I'd really like to do that with him but he can only get leave once next summer to go to Idaho with me to check out and book everything. Whe I say the wedding is in a year and 10 months it sounds forever away but then when I actually look at everything that needs to be done by then and also dealing with college and focusing on graduating at the same time... It's a bit difficult...  In Response to Re: Help! :
    Posted by sydneyjayne[/QUOTE]
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  • sydneyjaynesydneyjayne member
    First Comment
    Skype is a wonderfull thing and really comes in handy! Vegas sounds like fun for a wedding!

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_help-10?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:4f4bc2f6-c1a4-4e2f-a4eb-fd46907dd191Post:0fc32c28-7966-4609-90f5-58a4f4780f37">Re: Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]So hard to juggle everything! And we do the skype thing and i send him links to look at things. Going well so far but we are getting married in Vegas so very little planning. In Response to Re: Help! :
    Posted by 2sailors[/QUOTE]
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  • Moonstone TessaMoonstone Tessa
    First Comment
    For great affordable gifts you should check out http://www.etsy.com/shop/moonstonecreation. it is such a cute shop with tons of military related jewelry, keychains, cufflinks, etc... Makes great wedding gifts for bridesmaids & groomsmen. I really like the "love is trading in your perals for his dog tags" so sweet.
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