Advice Needed

LuminousMuse · May 2010

So, FI is being a chronic procrastinator. Every time we need to schedule a meeting to book a vendor he tries to put it off until later even though we are seriously running low on time.
Money isn't the issue so it is very frustrating for me to get in contact with all of these people and then when they respond and ask when we can meet I have to badger FI into setting up a time.

Has anyone else had problems with a procrastinating FI? If so, how did you deal with it without feeling like a nag?

jamers22 · May 2010

Is he just not interested in wedding planning? What all do you have left to bOok? Can you do it without him? Have you guys talked about how he is feeling about the wedding? It seems like he could be having some nerves and is avoiding the whole wedding thing. I could be off base here but its worth a consideration...

jennuinne · May 2010

I just planned stuff and drug him along.

LuminousMuse · May 2010

jamers - He actually wrote a computer program to render scrabble tiles for our save-the-date and was always so excited to work on it, it took him a couple months to do the 40 second "video". Plus he has come home early a few times to work on the companion cube favor boxes that we are making, so if anything maybe it's that he doesn't enjoy the meetings? Unfortunately, most vendors have said they want us both to be present at least during the initial meeting.

We still need to book cake and florist in addition to looking into some of the rental items we will need. It may not seem like a lot but he wants an elaborate sculpted cake and I am thinking they are going to be kinda miffed to be asked for awesomeness on a short schedule with someone who is content to only communicate with 1 vendor at a time no more than once a week. Plus he has said he wants to have a say in what stuff we choose for, well, everything.

As far as avoiding, that's what I thought before when we went in to design my engagement ring which was said to be a 6-8 week process but he kept delaying and it wasn't actually finished until nearly 12 weeks later. He has said that he is ready and looking forward to getting married, but I feel like a kid on Christmas and he's acting like a kid going to the dentist.

LuminousMuse · May 2010

jennuinne - lol, that's awesome that you could get him to go along! Maybe I should tell him we're going to the zoo...hmmm....

tvgal1971 · May 2010

My FI simply had no idea that there were so many things to do. He was always dragging his feet...not because he doesn't want to get married, just because he figured there's 9 months until the wedding...that's PLENTY of time. He didn't quite get the idea that some stuff had to be booked well in advance and I'd be a basketcase if we waited to do everything at the last minute.

We had some heated arguments over it all, but it's all good now. My advice would be to explain the big picture to him, limit what you NEED him involved in (vs. what you'd LIKE him involved in) and be patient. Guys have their own timeline and it can be painful at times! Sometimes you will have to drag him along like jennuinne suggests!

fancynewbecca · May 2010

Yeah sounds to me like he's definitely more ineterested in the creative aspect of it than the meeting side. Just have a calm conversation about it and let him know how it's bothering you... maybe? I dunno )

LuminousMuse · May 2010

Thanks guys! I think after what y'all have said I need to explain to him that I am going to start stressing big time if the last few major things aren't completely set within the next couple weeks.

If all else fails, anyone know where I could get a tranquilizer gun and a couple guys to help me transport him to meetings whether he likes it or not? If he wants a say in how things look, then he needs to get with the program! ;o)

KST_ · May 2010

*hugs* As someone who's FI waited until this week to book the HM (and we're getting married at the end of June), I totally get the FI dragging his feet. The thing is, they just have their own schedule for things. They don't understand why things need to get done on a longer time line, etc. Anything he's not needed at, don't bother. Really, sit and have a heart to heart with him about the stress he's causing you. If you have a meeting set up and he wants to delay, then tell him he gets no say. I don't know why your vendors want to meet with both of you for initial stuff. None of mine have. I booked florist and cake without FI.

LuminousMuse · May 2010

KST - thank you, I too think it's odd that so many have wanted to meet us both. Maybe they hear a little hesitation in my voice because I know FI wants his input on everything but whenever I ask him to just tell me so I can relay his wishes he says he can't think about it right then. So, when I try to make plans I don't sound certain enough & maybe they think FI would be more decisive.

carrieoz_76 · May 2010

Yes. I've asked mine to look at the final cake bill for like 2 weeks, no response. He currently is procrastinating getting me some last few addresses of a couple of his friends. If I don't have them by tomorrow, I'm printing, stuffing and mailing without them.

Usually I'm nice and give him a reasonable deadline by which I want him to do something, then when he misses it, I remind him nicely and set another reasonable deadline. When this doesn't work, I just tell him I'm doing it without him by X date if I don't hear from him. That usually gets him in gear.

melissa82 · May 2010

I would just schedule the meetings when it's good for you and then tell him when it is. If he wants to come, he'll show up.

The more you cater to him like this, the more he learns it's OK to do. Remember that everyone in your life treats you the way you teach them to.

Tygirljojo · May 2010

FI was really bad about it, but he's been getting better the closer we get. Honestly, I think there are some vendors where it's not necessary if he has no interest. I dragged him to my first florist meeting and he looked SO bored (not intentionally, but understandably so) and after that, I didn't take him to anymore until we met with our florist I decided on for a second time to go over some more details and I needed his input on corsage for F-step-MIL, etc.

Baker/cake - he said he didn't care, so I went, tasted (brought him back some samples) and pretty much decided on the style and got some input from him on flavors.

I did drag him to the venue, caterer, photog, and DJ though because I felt those were important, even if he said "I don't care." :P

jennuinne · May 2010

I did a lot of research on my own, narrowed down the options, discussed it w/ FI when I could get his attention, showed him websites, etc. He wasn't into it and didn't want to go and did put it off, but I didn't drag him everywhere. I would say, we need to look at the venue, and give him choices of days and times, make him pick one and go.

I only took him to see one venue, but I Iooked at more. He was happy to go to the caterer and taste cupcakes, he was interested in the dj b/c he was picky about music. He could've cared less about the photographer or officiant. But, honestly, the more people we met w/ and the more decisions we made, the more excited he got about the wedding. I don't think guys can visualize it like we do. Right now I keep trying to get him to go shopping for his suit and he never wants to.

sarack · May 2010

I agree with Melissa on this one. I'd do it when I wanted it and tell him.. he'll either come or not.

If he doesn't come, he doesn't get an opinion, IMO. If he cares later, you should tell him you gave him the option. If money isn't an issue, just book who you want!

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