Addressing Invite Envelopes

DaraL · February 2010

I am wondering about the best way to address invites for a formal wedding. My mom insists that the outer envelope would be addressed "Mr. and Mrs. Joe Smith." I don't know, but that sounds outdated and a little sexist at a time when many women keep their maiden names or prefer to be refferred to as Ms. What does everyone else think of this, am I just overanalyzing it? I don't think I'd like receiving an invite that called me Mrs. My Husband!

Thanks!

squirrly · February 2010

You're over analyzing. If a married woman changed her name legally, you should use Mr. and Mrs. John Smith. If she did not, it's Ms. Jane Doe and Mr. John Smith.

I <3 Seabass · February 2010

You can download a worksheet here, that tells you how to address your envelopes in different situations like a married woman keeping her maiden name, women Drs. etc.

http://www.soulfulengagements.com/1/post/2010/02/new-wedding-planning-worksheets.html

slbriz34 · February 2010

Agree with Squirrly.

Everyone getting an invite knows the invite rules and no one would get bent out of shape. If a woman is married and using her husband's name, then it's Mr. and Mrs. X. If not, then Ms. X and Mr. Y.

Singles or dating/living together are easy - each should be on it's own line since they aren't married, so it would be:

Ms. X

Mr. Y

squirrly · February 2010

Just as a note - I am changing my name. I hate my maiden name. It is frequently misspelled and it becomes a vulgar word at that point. I would be SERIOUSLY PISSED if you didn't use my married name post wedding just because you were trying to be progressive.

DaraL · February 2010

Thanks everyone,

These have been some helpful suggestions, especially the link to the list! I would never not use someone's married name, I just have mixed feelings about not including the wife's first name on the envelope, especially when the woman is a friend of mine and I barely know her husband. You are probably right though, I doubt anyone would be angry. I am still considering going with less traditional addressing but these have been helpful tips!

aerinpegadrak · February 2010

I didn't like "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith," so I did "Mrs. Jane Smith and Mr. John Smith" on all of them, whether they shared a last name or not. Perhaps not technically correct, but it made me feel better.

For my grandparents and one particularly old-fashioned BM, I did the "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith," though, because I knew they'd prefer it.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · February 2010

You can also do Mrs. Mary Smith and Mr. John Smith. A little wordier and less traditional, but it works.

I agree with Squirrly, though. If a woman takes her husband's name, she will assume that she will eventually be addressed as Mrs. John Smith on a formal, social invitation. It is proper etiquette. If she didn't want to be... well, she has the option of not changing her name.

tenofcups4me · February 2010

It's outdated and sexist to me. And I know lots of people who took their husband's last name who still want to be called by their own first name (including my mother, who's going to be 70 this year -- it's hardly a revolutionary concept).

I prefer Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Smith.

lalaelaine · February 2010

I agree, it is sexist and outdated. I am not changing my name and thus will never be "Mrs." anyone (since that harkens back to a wife being a man's property...literally!).

What i have decided to do is not to address them uniformly. For my older or more traditional invitees, I went with the old-fashioned "Mr and Mrs John Smith". But for my younger or less traditional invitees, i went with "Jane and John Smith". Also, how do you fit same-sex couples into the old mold? You don't - so don't be afraid to break the mold.

Addressing Invite Envelopes

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