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Intro/supporting your FI/DH (Long)

SillyLGooseSillyLGoose
500 Comments
in Students
Hi! I am planning on getting married next June. We've already been engaged for 1.5 years. We had planned on a long engagement so that my FI will finish school by the time we are married.

FI had one more week of this semester and then clinical placement M-F full time in the fall semester. He'd graduate in december of this year. However, he failed a competency quiz and the school's ruling is that if you fail a competency you are kicked out of the program and you have to reapply from the beginning (taking courses you've already mastered)

We really don't want to postpone the wedding any further! If he reapplies he starts again in Jan. and he won't work this time...for a full 2 years..

Anyone have their fiance/dh be the sole income coming in while you were in school...or vice  versa?? 
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Re: Intro/supporting your FI/DH (Long)

  • SillyLGooseSillyLGoose
    500 Comments
    I didn't think twice about keeping our date and our plans together (just tailor them slightly). The adults in my life seem to think I'm making a colossal mistake. I think part of it is the double standards that still exist. If it were the other way around I think people would feel differently. Others feel that we should move our date until FI is out of school/working a good job. We feel like a delay would bring separate us (literally, we aren't living together until we are married). 

    Just thought I'd ask if anybody was in the same situation. Seems you are! I'm guessing in today's economy and also with the need for extended education more and more couples are faced with this challenge. 
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  • CourtneyBCCourtneyBC
    100 Comments

    Older people I know think it's a bad idea for me to be the primary income for our little family, too, because it's the man's job. But we're waiting to live together til we're married, too, so waiting seven years to get married sounded like total crap to me. Besides, he's a really hard worker. So, it's not like he's gonna screw around and take 10 years to finish. He really wants to graduate and start doing what he loves instead of taking classes of the school's choosing.

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  • jessann34jessann34
    First Comment
    I'm in school and my fiance works and supports me. When I get done with school, I will work while he finishes up his degree. Right now we are very lucky to not have to pay rent, so that is one bill we don't have to worry about coming up with. It is hard to save money with only one income, but getting by is possible. Budget and manage your money wisely and hopefully you two will be fine.
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  • SteveandKrisSteveandKris member
    500 Comments
    FI is the sole bread-winner for us right now (and he's also paying child support).  Our rent is reduced because my parents own the house, but we still pay rent, etc.  I think it'd be harder for you to wait, as then you'll be paying for two homes, with two sets of bills, etc.  Unless you're both living with parents now... and want to do that for 2 more years...

    Its not easy.  (FI is also taking classes, one by one to finish his degree, another expense and will be going back FT when I finish my residency)  Both you have to think about what's important to you. 

    If you're paying for the wedding yourself, you might want to scale it back to save for later, but if you're not, keep in mind that those who pay pull the strings - and would they pull financial backing if you decide to get married anyway?

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  • nyreknyrek member
    1000 Comments
    I'm the sole provider in our family right now.  Our area was hard hit with layoffs and the economy...and regardless of what the news says about "economic upswings" we haven't seen it here yet.

    We cut our budget...do what we have to do to make ends meet.  He's applied for jobs outside his career field...gone back to school as well for additional certifications to help him find a job.

    There's no shame in one person supporting another or vice versa.  It's made us stronger and he knows how hard it is on me...but I also know how hard it is for him, too.  He takes care of the house, gets the kids to and from practices...basically we just had a role-reversal.  It's not ideal...but it's working.

    It was never a thought in our minds to postpone our wedding simply because he wasn't working. Not quite sure what that has to do with anything? 
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  • jcamer7jcamer7
    10 Comments
    I'm getting married in 12 days and ours is kind of like that. FH has a full time job as a manager and I am in grad school, making enough to support myself technically ( a couple of scholarships and I'm a TA), but FH makes most of the dough. Its fine with me :)  Its OUR money anyways, we have 1 joint account and have always had it like that. We are together, one unit.  His job is just a contract for a year, then I am going to get my PhD and hopefully be a professor. If I get a tenure position, FH might be a stay at home dad!  He has a degree in electrical engineering and is brillant (he had a 93 average during school) and was accepted to graduate school, but he loves family and children and I want to be a professor, and we both think 1 parent staying home is great. Chances are, 10 years from now, I will be the sole bread winner haha, and it wont bother me a bit :D
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