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FOCCUS

ccoganccogan member
5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
in Catholic Weddings
Hi!
I have posted on the other boards, but not on the Catholic board yet. My fiancé and I are getting married in a year, next March, and we are about to get started on the marriage preparation with our priest. We are taking the FOCCUS test on Saturday. Does anyone have any insight on what to expect? How long did it take you to take? What were some of the more difficult questions to answer? I am not nervous, but I am a bit apprehensive about how our results will compare.
Thanks so much!
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Re: FOCCUS

  • professorscienceprofessorscience member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    As Kristan said, there's no "wrong" answer to the questions, although if your answers differ significantly on some of the key questions, that will be brought up in your follow-up to make sure you and FI discuss your feelings on those topics.  I think it took each of us 30-45 minutes to complete the questionnaire, and then we discussed our answers for about an hour afterward.  The follow-up interview with our sponsor couple was about 2 hours long.  We had some areas where our answers had differed, but most of the time it was due to different interpretations of the questions.

    As for difficult questions to answer, some of them can seem (IMO) a little vague, which was partly why our answers were different on some things that we definitely agreed upon.  He'd read it one way, and I'd read it another.  This didn't make them "hard to answer," but it made for some interesting conversations with our sponsor couple (I'm pretty sure they thought we hadn't discussed ANYTHING relevant to marriage when they first saw our results).
    Anniversary

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  • itzMSitzMS member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment

    If you and your FI have had in-depth discussion on finances, how you'll raise children (and how many you want to have), your NFP plans, and time with friends/family, you should be just fine. If you haven't talked about those things, be prepared for differences.

    One point from my personal experience:

    My reading comprehension skill is a bit higher than DH's. We knew that going into this, but it turns out that DH just flat out didn't understand what some of the questions were asking. So he ended up answering "undecided" to the questions he couldn't understand; which in turn caused some intitial confusion when we went over results. It's not a big deal, but some of the questions are a bit challenging to interpret for some and answering "undecided" brings up flags on the results.

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  • jenjlgsingsjenjlgsings member
    First Anniversary First Comment

    Just go with your gut instinct on things and don't over think the questions.  There are some questions that seem to ask the same thing and that is intentional. 

    It covers all sorts of potential issues - finance, children, work situations, communication, household roles, etc. 

    My fiance had some "mistakes" too.  The funniest was his "agree" to the answer about whether someone was forcing him into the marriage.  He told his priest from like the weekend he met me that he planned on marrying me, so Fr. Joe got a good laugh over that one.

    When you get the results, it is broken down into sections on general topic areas.  It lists key points of concern/discussion.  There will also be a section of "potential issues"  This is to show you some potential red flags that need to be addressed.  For example, if your answers on wanting children or practicing the faith are different. 

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  • agapecarrieagapecarrie member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    It's nice to have reassurance that there are no wrong answers, and that its just an inventory to explore what has been discussed and to show potential issues, 

    but I think giving too much information about the questions (or actually listing some questions asked)might be in some cases, detrimental.

    The foccus isn't just about the subjects it asks about-- but It gives the priests/couples/evaluators a look into subjects that might have been avoided, etc. 


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  • professorscienceprofessorscience member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_foccus-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:965239dc-60f8-43fe-b1bf-e4cd696b0434Post:421126e5-3c34-41e9-84a3-b8267414f3b7">Re: FOCCUS</a>:
    [QUOTE]It's nice to have reassurance that there are no wrong answers, and that its just an inventory to explore what has been discussed and to show potential issues,  but I think giving too much information about the questions (or actually listing some questions asked)might be in some cases, detrimental. The foccus isn't just about the subjects it asks about-- but It gives the priests/couples/evaluators a look into subjects that might have been avoided, etc. 
    Posted by agapecarrie[/QUOTE]

    <div>I don't think anyone gave any information that was beyond what we were told when we were given the forms to take home. Obviously there's something to be said for answering the questions with your first thoughts, rather than mulling over them, but I don't think any of the answers given here would interfere with that.</div><div>
    </div><div>I know that our sponsor couple hit on all the topics when we met with them, they just made sure to delve even more deeply into the ones where we showed any kind of disagreement.</div>
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  • itzMSitzMS member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Interesting perspective, agape.

    It's imporant to note that the FOCCUS inventory has sample questions and FAQs available  (on its own website, no less).

    FOCCUS isn't a guarded secret by any means. I don't think there is anything wrong with a couple wanting to be prepared and have some discussions in advance. DH & I did tons of research beforehand and discussed the topics ahead of time. So, to each their own.
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  • agapecarrieagapecarrie member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    Actually, its not "to each their own". I'm involved in marriage prep and that is actually the way the foccus is supposed to work. It is definitely more than just the subject matter.

    Otherwise you could just take the questions home with you and go through each one together and their would be no need for blind answers. Knowing what specifically is on the test and discussing in advance for the specific purpose of the test lessens the accuracy of what a couple found to be a priority to talk about on their own, and what naturally is a part of their conversations-- as well as how much purposeful discernement they've up to that point. 

    I know that there's sample questions available online, but I'm simply suggesting that we not overshare here. 
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  • ccoganccogan member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    <div>We have set the date. My church does allow weddings during Lent, we just have some rules we have to follow on keeping the decorations subtle and few. That's fine by me, the church is beautiful as it is. </div><div>
    </div>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_foccus-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:965239dc-60f8-43fe-b1bf-e4cd696b0434Post:391c0e5b-fbf4-471d-989d-8be7743c059c">Re:FOCCUS</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:FOCCUS: Our FOCCUS exam was 160 questions/statements. There are additional sections if you're cohabitating, if you are of different faiths, or if this is a second marriage for either of you. You FI will individually reply to statements with Agree, Disagree, or Undecided. One was "My future spouse has habits that annoy me.". or "We have decided how to handle who pays the bills " or "We agree on method of family planning". The deacon or priest will talk through answers you answered differently or if you both gave the "wrong" answer. No answer is right or wrong, but there are preffered answers. As a side note, have you set your wedding date with the church? March is almost always during Lent, and some parishes don't allow Lenten weddings.
    Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]
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  • ccoganccogan member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    Thanks for all the insight ladies! My fiance and I have been together for over 7 years, and we have very open communication. Over the years, we have discussed many of the topics that I think will be covered on the test, so I think that we should be okay. :)  We also know our priest very well, so we will be comfortable discussing any differences that do come up.
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  • maryjohnson610maryjohnson610
    First Comment
    My fiance and I took the FOCCUS shortly after getting engaged and it's not been almost 6 months since and we haven't been able to see the results due to scheduling conflicts and being long distance. We're finally meeting with a therapist to discuss and I'm so excited to see how it turnd out. I'm also hoping we have changed over a few months and have grown in communication! God bless your engagements, everyone!
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