Kids At Reception?

lindsayloo1212 · August 2011

We are inviting a fair amount of people with kids. At first we were planning on only having kids come who are in the wedding and/or family. But then there is the issue of others with kids coming from out of town. And in addition, I am really close with a family I nannied for through college and graduate school and I know the kids want to be there. But then on the other hand, we are planning on having some ppl from our neighborhood and if they all bring their kids it will be a zoo of children. Not sure where to go with this, I don't want to offend anyone or have anyone left out and it's not about money (kids meals are super cheap)... I just don't want it to be chaotic. Adults only would be nice, but that's not going to be reasonable for us. Just wondering what you guys are doing/what is recommended? TIA.

Britt0412 · August 2011

Could you consider having a babysitter in a different room at the reception site (not sure where that is) or somewhere nearby? That way, the kids could be a part of the reception, but they could also have a place to watch movies, play games, etc.

cgyvhu · August 2011

I'm letting all kids come, but for me, that's maybe 5 children, and they will all be under 4 yrs old.

I think you just have to have a clear cutoff - wedding party kids, wedding party + family kids, or wedding party, family, and OOT guest kids. Otherwise, people will have hurt feelings.

Janiceb2010 · August 2011

Hey Lindsay....I wish I had more advice, but we are doing adults only with the exception of Rob's nieces who are in the wedding party.
I agree with MD....you probably need to establish some categories to avoid hurt feelings.

carlyanne05 · August 2011

Ditto pp's. Ours is adult only, with the exception of our 5 nieces/nephews - two of which are flower girls. People seem to be quite understanding, especially if you're willing to help make local arrangements for the OOT guests.

LilyWater09 · August 2011

I asked a similar Q to another board. Here is the feed, good opinions:
http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_opinions-please-inviting-only-select-children

pantherRN · August 2011

Ditto md (typical).

lindsayloo1212 · August 2011

Thank you so much everyone. I think sticking with just kids in the family and kids in the wedding party is the best way to go. Now, would it be nice or would it be rude to extend a casual invitation (I am very close with the family) for the kids of family I nannied for to come to the ceremony? I do actually think the kids would like that. I just hate to leave them out all together. Thanks again!

beckpaz · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-pittsburgh_kids-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:116Discussion:6f786b36-1268-43a2-9a13-26abe006defaPost:8ec97e31-412b-439a-af78-0132c977446f">Re: Kids At Reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you so much everyone. I think sticking with just kids in the family and kids in the wedding party is the best way to go. Now, would it be nice or would it be rude to extend a casual invitation (I am very close with the family) for the kids of family I nannied for to come to the ceremony? I do actually think the kids would like that. I just hate to leave them out all together. Thanks again!
Posted by lindsayloo1212[/QUOTE]

I definitely think you could make the exception for them. I might be considered "rude" to some, but I'm being picky-choosey and leaving out some kids and inviting others. We're inviting all family members kids and <em>some </em>kids from close friends. I also nannied for a couple and I couldn't imagine not having them there. I look at it as I'm inviting kids that I know and if I don't know your kids (or like them, haha), I don't have to invite them. My friends don't know who is family and who isn't (yay big families) and we're having upwards to 300 guests, so it's not like they'll actually know that I invited some kids that aren't related.

Flowerstar1023 · August 2011

We went to a wedding recently that was no kids except the ring bearer and flower girl and it actually caused a fair amount of angst in the family.

We're having the exact opposite experience and inviting a ton of people who have kids (family and friends from out of town). A lot of our friends are having babies in the near future/have newborns as well since we're a little older and most of our friends are already married. So, I'm not sure how many will actually show up with their kiddos in tow. However, I didn't want people to feel left out by having to find a babysitter or leave their kids at home. And, for the kids that will be infants in nine months, I didn't figure our friends would want to come into Pittsburgh from out of town without them. It helps that we're having a kid friendly wedding at the Aviary. Just like the plus one debate though, I didn't want to get in to the "splitting who's important and who's not" deal.

cgyvhu · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-pittsburgh_kids-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:116Discussion:6f786b36-1268-43a2-9a13-26abe006defaPost:09c86ff7-cb9e-4459-9d5c-fb5c14f9d5dc">Re: Kids At Reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids At Reception? : I definitely think you could make the exception for them. I might be considered "rude" to some, but I'm being picky-choosey and leaving out some kids and inviting others. We're inviting all family members kids and some kids from close friends. I also nannied for a couple and I couldn't imagine not having them there. I look at it as I'm inviting kids that I know and if I don't know your kids (or like them, haha), I don't have to invite them. My friends don't know who is family and who isn't (yay big families) and we're having upwards to 300 guests, so it's not like they'll actually know that I invited some kids that aren't related.
Posted by beckpaz[/QUOTE]

I really wouldn't do this, because if the parents of kids who are invited interact with those whose kids aren't invited, it can lead to a lot of misunderstandings and hurt feelings. If a guest hears other people's kids were invited to the wedding but don't see an explicit invitations for theirs, they might 1- be offended enough not to come or 2-assume it was something you accidentally overlooked and just RSVP for their whole family, leading to misunderstandings and awkward phone calls that you'll have to make. This is why it's considered poor etiquette.

Linds - I see where you are coming from and get why you want the kids you nannied at the wedding. Any way you can give them a tiny role in the wedding, like handing out programs or bubbles/toss petals or something? That way, if anyone hears that they are invited to the wedding, it would be clear that they have a role and aren't being "favored" in any way.

pantherRN · August 2011

Ditto md. Again.

beckpaz · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-pittsburgh_kids-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:116Discussion:6f786b36-1268-43a2-9a13-26abe006defaPost:b38db220-4244-4057-8434-1835307a01c7">Re: Kids At Reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids At Reception? : I really wouldn't do this, because if the parents of kids who are invited interact with those whose kids aren't invited, it can lead to a lot of misunderstandings and hurt feelings. If a guest hears other people's kids were invited to the wedding but don't see an explicit invitations for theirs, they might 1- be offended enough not to come or 2-assume it was something you accidentally overlooked and just RSVP for their whole family, leading to misunderstandings and awkward phone calls that you'll have to make. This is why it's considered poor etiquette.
Posted by mdphd[/QUOTE]

I've already been pretty upfront with most of those with kids that are uninvited and none have been offended thus far... at least when it comes to those that I'm close to, such as my personal friends. For the others (mainly our parents friends), we're not close enough to them for them to be offended that their kids are uninvited. If they so choose to be offended enough not to come, that's their choice. I'm making my own invitations and personalizing the RSVP card with their names to avoid the confusion though. Maybe it's just the people we associate ourselves with, but my parents have attended weddings where us kids were left out while others went and nobody takes these kinds of things personal. I definitely wouldn't say it's "poor etiquette" though.

cgyvhu · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-pittsburgh_kids-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:116Discussion:6f786b36-1268-43a2-9a13-26abe006defaPost:f870beb2-e5d6-40ba-a2c9-8315a82898a8">Re: Kids At Reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids At Reception? : I've already been pretty upfront with most of those with kids that are uninvited and none have been offended thus far... at least when it comes to those that I'm close to, such as my personal friends. For the others (mainly our parents friends), we're not close enough to them for them to be offended that their kids are uninvited. If they so choose to be offended enough not to come, that's their choice. I'm making my own invitations and personalizing the RSVP card with their names to avoid the confusion though. Maybe it's just the people we associate ourselves with, but my parents have attended weddings where us kids were left out while others went and nobody takes these kinds of things personal. I definitely wouldn't say it's "poor etiquette" though.
Posted by beckpaz[/QUOTE]

beck - I'm not saying it's poor etiquette to be mean or harsh. People who write etiquette guides for a living (emily post, crane's) consider this sort of action to be poor etiquette. It seems like your plan is going to work out for your group of friends and family, and I hope it does, but some people run into big problems when they do this, hence my against it.

panther - <3 having you on team mean brides with me <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" />

beckpaz · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-pittsburgh_kids-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:116Discussion:6f786b36-1268-43a2-9a13-26abe006defaPost:362eb6d2-ac69-468d-bff1-5cff9ba06643">Re: Kids At Reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids At Reception? : beck - I'm not saying it's poor etiquette to be mean or harsh. People who write etiquette guides for a living (emily post, crane's) consider this sort of action to be poor etiquette. It seems like your plan is going to work out for your group of friends and family, and I hope it does, but some people run into big problems when they do this, hence my against it. panther - <3 having you on team mean brides with me
Posted by mdphd[/QUOTE]

I didn't take it personal, I get where you're coming from. Though I still don't think it's "poor etiquette" just because somebody else states their opinion in a magazine or blog. Regardless, I didn't mean to sound offended or harsh back =)

lindsayloo1212 · August 2011

Becky - I think you are fine, especially because it sounds like you have been very upfront with everyone.

MD - I really like the idea of having the kids pass programs at the ceremony. That way they are "in the wedding."

cgyvhu · August 2011

becky - glad you didnt take offense. I never know how things are perceived on the internet, and I can be pretty blunt.

linds - I bet the kids would feel special if they had one of those tiny jobs too. Just a thought though.

des9724 · August 2011

Going off of this... I'm having a babysitter at my reception with fun games, crafts, coloring books, and other kid friendly things. I always wanted to have the kids eat in their separate room. How do I make this known to my guests with children? Should I add an insert in their invitation, or call them personally?

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