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communicatnig appropriate dress

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10 Comments
in Catholic Weddings
The priest at the church where we're getting married is fairly conservative. For my strapless dress I got a bolero jacket, and for the bridesmaid dresses (that have one shoulder) I'm getting wraps.

The priest has specifically mentioned several times that women's shoulders should be covered in church. I'd like to communicate to my female guests that if they're wearing a strapless/spaghetti strap dress to bring something to cover during the ceremony. I'm not sure though how to say this in a succinct way, or where I should put it? (Haven't ordered invites yet- not till Monday). I thought of putting it on the website, but not everyone will check there. But I don't have too much room on the invite to put a thing about please cover your shoulders in the church but it's ok to wear whatever to the reception? Also if I just have a note about dressing appropriately in general- most wouldn't think shoulders need to be covered!

How do weddings turn the simplest things to be overly complicated?
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Re: communicatnig appropriate dress

  • chelseamb11chelseamb11 member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I would just include a notecard (maybe the same one you put your hotel info on?) mentioning hotel info, wedding website, etc. Also make a note that as the ceremony is in a Catholic church, appropriate attire is required (ie no bare shoulders or stomachs, everything to knees, no hats, etc)
     
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  • catarntinacatarntina member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Buy some cheap wraps and have them in a basket when people walk in with a note saying, "Out of respect, please cover your shoulders."

    They can be part of your favors, and make sure the ushers are giving them to women who are uncovered.
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  • Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    you should probably have some on hand, but i would possibly include a note about attire on maybe your directions/hotel sheet or something.

    as a guest, id much rather know in advance that i need to meet certain clothing guidelines rather than have to wear something someone provides that may not match, fit right, etc.

    i would say something like:

    "Our parish does not allow guests to wear attire that is strapless or sleeveless in nature.  Please keep this in mind when selecting your attire for our wedding day."
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  • ootmother2ootmother2 member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    I know that dictating guest's dress is frowned upon by most etiquette sources but the Church is a totally different story.

    I would put a short note inside the invites that your church requires covered shoulders.  Buying pashminas is an idea but they run about $50 each, way too much!

    Adults understand dress regulations.  I knew in advance that I had to wear a dress or long slacks to get into the Vatican.  I was quite surprised to see all the teenagers were also dressed in a somewhat modest way. Don't dumb down your guests, perhaps even a simple phone call with a heads up could also work.
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  • catarntinacatarntina member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    They don't have to be pashminas.  You can buy wraps on Ebay for relatively cheap.

    Like this one:
    http://cgi.ebay.com/Ladies-Womens-lovely-Fashion-Scarf-Wrap-SK149-/280708311975?pt=US_Scarves_Wraps&hash=item415b84eba7
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  • ootmother2ootmother2 member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Great site, cata

    damn, I've been shopping all day and someone HAS to stop me!
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  • Meg1036Meg1036
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    As a guest, I would like to know about religious clothing restrictions in the invite.  Not on the invite itself, but as a separate insert.

    TBH, I would be somewhat offended if an usher (or anyone else) suggested to me that I was not appropriately dressed once I arrived at the church.  I would comply and put on the wrap, but I would MUCH rather have had the opportunity to choose my own clothes, knowing about the guidelines.  (Not saying you shouldn't have some for backup, just that I really think a note in the invites is the better and easier way to go for most guests).
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  • chrissyinatlchrissyinatl member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am in the exact same situation - my church is VERY conservative.  I also had to buy a jacket to cover up my sleeveless dress, and my girls are wearing wraps (and MOH is wearing a little jacket).    I also had to ask my BMs to put in a little piece of fabric if their girls are hanging out. 

    I put on the wedding website that it is "daytime formal", but I'm also worried that friends will wear sleeveless/inappropriate.  I'm just doing my best to spread the word (and thankfully, it is happening in November!)  I figure as long as my bridal party is covered and anyone sitting in the front rows (family), we're doing okay.
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  • newlyseliskinewlyseliski member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Target has some nice larger wraps for less than $15 apiece usually that are pashmina-like... they don't have many right now since it's summer, but they usually have more available once it starts nearing fall and winter

    I'd also agree that it would be nice to know ahead of time about the dress code via the same method that Meg1036 recommended.  Chances are, people will probably still miss the note anyways... so you should probably provide something for those who forget!
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  • lalaith50lalaith50 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Along with our invites and RSVP card, we are including one "info" card. On one side it has hotel  info, and on the other side it has reception info, website, and under "ceremony"
    Out of respect for the sacred nature of the wedding Mass, church, and the

    Eucharist reserved within it, ladies are requested to have their shoulders

    covered while in the church building.

     (sorry about the font)

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  • monkeysipmonkeysip member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Our church is the same way.  But their knees must be covered too (the church has extra long skirts for women whose skirts are too short).

    I like the wording lalaith used.  What about this:

    "out of respect for the sacred nature of the wedding mass, church, and the eucharist reserved within it, ladies are requested to have their shoulders and knees (?) covered while in the church building."

    Also, men can't wear shorts.  I would say, "what guy would wear shorts to a church wedding?"  But you just don't know sometimes...

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  • divinemsbeedivinemsbee member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    It's funny someone said no hats, because my Mom remembers pre-Vatican II when if she or her sisters forgot to weat a mantilla, shawl, or hat that her mom would put a piece of Kleenex on their head so that their heads would be covered in the house of the Lord.
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  • lalaith50lalaith50 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    yeah, hats/head coverings are traditionally QUITE appropriate for women inside. (It's for men that they ought to be removed while inside.)
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  • Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    yes, most of us cover our heads at the latin mass - and a few folks cover their heads at the novus ordo.
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  • osterhoutaosterhouta member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We put a note on our wedding website (under both the ceremony tab and the FAQ tab) requesting women to cover their shoulders.  Our church only requierd mine and the bridal party to do this....but we requested it for everyone via our website.  As far as I know, everyone came appropriately dressed.
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