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MOH Didn't show for wedding... Haven't heard from her!

TwinsRibTwinsRib member
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in Moms and Maids
Ok Ladies, I'm having an issue. As most of you know, my hubby and I wed last month on October 8th. On October 7th, the morning before the rehearsal dinner, my best friend since 10th grade (and MOH) texts me that she is having trouble renting a car because of this and that (I'm not big on excuses and nobody had died so...) 

She said she couldn't drive her car because her mom needed it and she didn't know if she was gonna make it to the wedding. OK... that was the last time I talked to her. She didn't call to confirm that she wasn't coming. Wedding day comes and goes. No call to congratulate. No call to apologize. Nothing. Not even a text. 

So now, 39 days later,  I'm ready to just say eff her. I feel that clearly I valued our friendship more than she and for her to not even acknowledge that she had MORE than a full year to plan how to make the 6 hr drive from ATL to Natchez, MS.... I just feel extremely hurt and let down. Do you guys think I should call her? Or just keep on with my life since it doesn't seem to matter to her anyway? Thanks!
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Re: MOH Didn't show for wedding... Haven't heard from her!

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    ginadogginadog member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Maybe she's dead in a ditch somewhere? 
    That's always my first thought - are they actually OK?

    Then tell her to eff off!

    No actually, it's probably best to move on and never make contact ever again.
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    TwinsRibTwinsRib member
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    edited December 2011
    She is  alive and well... I'm sure of that because her twitter feed is still very active... I wasn't very mad at first, and our day was still perfect even tho it would have been great to have her there... But I did expect her to call or something...

    It's like the more time that passes, the angrier I get that she hasn't called. And I haven't called her because I feel like... I shouldn't have to... Am I wrong?
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    ginadogginadog member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Well do you think you are going to hear something from her that will curb your anger?  Will her explanation make it better?  I am thinking probably not.  She's probably super embarrased and doesn't want to face her non-actions.

    Do you want her to be your friend still, or are you ready to disown her as a friend over this? 

    Is there any other evidence that she's alive besides Twitter?
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    TwinsRibTwinsRib member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I forgot to mention that my auntie drove thru atlanta and offered her a ride, but she turned it down. 

    I don't think I do want to be her friend anymore. I just feel that if we were the type of friends that I thought we were, this wouldn't even be an issue. 

    So I think I need to just readjust my own attitude towards our "friendship".

    Does that make sense?
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    tldhtldh member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    How many boards did you post this on?
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    AKA GoodLuckBear14
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    TwinsRibTwinsRib member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    2
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    She owes you an explanation. That's for sure.
    I think I would leave it up to her to contact you.
                       
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    Danny&Mel2003Danny&Mel2003 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    wow I'm sorry but she had a yr to make arrangements, was offered a ride and then didn't call or anything ... I would feel disrespected and honestly re-evaluate the friendsship.
    wedding ticker
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    Muffin'sMomMuffin'sMom
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My fallback position is to walk away.  If that much time has passed, and she is tweeting about her life but not talking to you...what else do you need to know?

    What you shouldn't do is waste another minute being angry.  Why give her the power to ruin you day?
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
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    graysquirrelgraysquirrel member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I'm so sorry that she bailed on you! That is abominable behavior. If it were me, I'd probably want some closure from her, either to get a possible apology, or to let her know how hurt I am because of it. In some ways it feels like just leaving her be lets her off the hook. She hasn't had to hear how hurt you were or face up to her mistake. I think I'd give her a call and get some sort of resolution out of this, whether you just let her know that you are really hurt or get angry and tell her to F off. She needs to realize that her actions have consequences and that the loss of a friendship might be one of them.

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    jemmini6jemmini6 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Yikes, I'm sorry that happened to you.  I would have to agree with you and say that I wouldn't want to continue that friendship either.  It's one thing that she couldn't make it (despite having a long time to plan, and a crappy excuse to not come), but the fact that she apparently didn't feel bad enough about it to even call you would put the nail in that coffin for me.

    I wouldn't reach out to her, she obviously has no interest in the friendship, so why should you?
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    calliopeia2013calliopeia2013 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't know, not to be contrary or anything, but if this is someone you've been friends with for ages and you know her really well, I don't see how you can NOT call her and see what happened.  I know most of the people here like the storming off in a huff option, and there's a time and place for that, but there's a time and place for compassion, too.  Call her.  Ask her what happened.  It could be all sorts of things.  Sure, she might just be blowing you off, in which case, after you talk to her, it's obviously fine to end the friendship.  But, you know, maybe she had a nervous breakdown the day before your wedding, and was too embarrassed to admit it to you.  Someone above mentioned an alcohol problem- could be that (or a drug problem)- and, again, too embarrassed to call you and explain.  If, say, she missed your wedding because she's been hiding an alocohol problem, sure, you could end your friendship with her.  But if she's really your friend, wouldn't you want to forgive her and try to help her get better?

    I mean, if you call and she won't talk to you, fine.  That's that.  But if she's your friend, how can you not at least try to make sure she's all right?

    I don't know, I just feel like people don't typically not show up to their best friend's weddings unless there's something seriously wrong in their lives. 
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    KatyRoseMKatyRoseM member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Some people are selfish, some people have moments where they are selfish.  I suppose my point is there could be nothing wrong with her life.  She may just want to be friends on her terms only.  If thats the case I would at least reevaluate how close you two are, and at most walk away.
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    lnsy613lnsy613
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Oh my goodness, I am so terribly sorry!  I can only imagine what it must have felt like to stare at the door and constantly glance at your cell phone waiting on her to show.  This might be a jealousy issue on her part or perhaps she has withheld something from you during the course of your friendship and bowed out to not ruin your day.  Bottom line - this is a her problem - and really all you need is some sort of closure whether it be a phone call signalling a sign of life or a outright explanation or whatnot.  You cannot go back and relive that day with her there.  So figure out for yourself what would make you feel settled in this situation.  What kind of solution would make you the happiest?

    Congratulations on starting a new life with someone who loves you and cares for you unconditionally.  Bask in the glow of being a newlywed and much luck in the future!
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