Working opposite shifts?

mandasue82 · January 2010

Anybody else working opposite shifts from your FI or DH?

I work a 9-5, M-F office job, and DH works 4-midnight, with two weekdays off. That means I see him (awake) about 4 hours a day on weekend and two evenings a week. We NEVER get a full day together.
He started this job in July, and I knew it would be tough, but it was a little easier in the beginning since I was so busy with wedding plans. The holidays were pretty crappy this year (he worked Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, NY Eve and NY Day), but at least busy. Now that things have slowed down again, it's getting really tough being apart so much.

Anyone been doing this for a while and have any advice to share??

purple38 · January 2010

yes it is terrible!!!! I work 7:30 - 6pm 4 days a week plus call every 3rd week thru weekend. Then FI works 2-12:30am 4 days a week. We both have off mondays so that really helps alot. I try to go up to his house during the week so at least i can snuggle up next to him but my job is 1.5 hrs away. It is so hard. I won't be able to keep this job when i move in with him because i can't be more than 30min away from work when on call. I'm just lucky that i do get to spend some weekends with him and mondays really help too.

K-hart · January 2010

I can definitely relate. I work two jobs. So M-F 8-4 and then Monday/Friday evenings 5-10 and Saturdays all day 10-6. Glen is a full tiem student and has evening classes T,W,TH and works a PT job as well. Then on Sundays he has band practice. So, we really only get Sunday evening together (From 5-10).

We've been doing this for 1 1/2 years and we just make the best of it right now. I don't have any advice other than spending good quality time with yuor spouse during those times when you can (go on a walk, make dinner together, etc) and try to stay away from TV and constantly having friends over during your "you" time. This will help and give you guys something to look forwrd to during each week until things slow down. Our situation is only temporary so for me, I see light at the end of the tunnel.

rumer1017 · January 2010

I mostly lurk but had to comment - Fi and I have done it almost our entire relationship plus one year long distance. I'm days, he's nights but it gets easier with time. The beginning is the worst but slowly you'll get into a routine - it's hard and has made us appreciate the time we do spend together. You can't control the hours you work but it's easier for me to try not to get angry about how "untraditional" we are and to focus on what you can do while you are together - We work completely opposite schedules including when we can take off so It helps us to really plan to do something together that isn't related to cleaning, errands, etc on our full days off - that way you have something to look forward. We're at the point now that if he's home more than usual, he drives me nuts and I can't get anything done!!

I will say that holidays never get easier - for us it just depends on the year and where Fi is working - this year he worked all of them except New Year's Eve - I ended up sick so we didn't even celebrate! We both made it a point to take off of work and go for a long weekend in Dec. to make up for not being together.
I wish you the best - feel free to vent!! After 3.75 years i still need to complain about it sometimes!

mamie329 · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-central_working-opposite-shifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:107Discussion:7dfb1997-6e9f-4ff2-a5fb-453c5b135ba8Post:bf30b807-e8d7-4382-8571-5c6027deca00">Re: Working opposite shifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]I mostly lurk but had to comment - Fi and I have done it almost our entire relationship plus one year long distance. I'm days, he's nights but it gets easier with time. The beginning is the worst but slowly you'll get into a routine - it's hard and has made us appreciate the time we do spend together. You can't control the hours you work but it's easier for me to try not to get angry about how "untraditional" we are and to focus on what you can do while you are together - We work completely opposite schedules including when we can take off so It helps us to really plan to do something together that isn't related to cleaning, errands, etc on our full days off - that way you have something to look forward. We're at the point now that if he's home more than usual, he drives me nuts and I can't get anything done!!
Posted by rumer1017[/QUOTE]

We've also done opposite shifts since the start of our 6.5 year relationship. We've done it so long I actually enjoy it. It allows us our personal time and space, plus it makes our time together more meaningful. One of the drawbacks is we'll forget to tell each other something about our days, but it works. I always tell him if we ever have the same shift, I wouldn't know what to do. On his nights off I get irritable because he interrupts my usual relaxing evening of vegging out.

turtle2011 · January 2010

FI and I have always worked different shifts. I work in an office 4 days a week 7-6 and he works whenever he is scheduled, which changes (he is in retail). His main schedule causes him to close most days which is usually around 9 and work all weekend. He has two days off during the week, so at least we have those nights together, and on the other nights I stay up as late as I can so we can spend some time. Like Rumer has said, I am so used to it that the longer he is around, we get into each others way! LOL.... Hopefully within the next few years he will get out of the sales department and into another that allows him to have weekends off or at least more weekends.

alpinker · January 2010

I JUST started working the late shift so we only see each other on Saturday and Sunday. It's horrible, I absolutely hate it. I'm so lonely during the day and he's bored at night. Luckily we'll only have to do this for another year and then I'll start student teaching, but I am so miserable!

rumer1017 · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-central_working-opposite-shifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:107Discussion:7dfb1997-6e9f-4ff2-a5fb-453c5b135ba8Post:f9117016-f586-4f7a-a26e-0396dd5ce4e6">Re: Working opposite shifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Working opposite shifts? : We've also done opposite shifts since the start of our 6.5 year relationship. We've done it so long I actually enjoy it. It allows us our personal time and space, plus it makes our time together more meaningful. One of the drawbacks is we'll forget to tell each other something about our days, but it works. I always tell him if we ever have the same shift, I wouldn't know what to do. On his nights off I get irritable because he interrupts my usual relaxing evening of vegging out.
Posted by mamie329[/QUOTE]

This exactly! We both love our time alone when the other is working and we've always said we're great together b/c we're not with each other every night and all weekend.

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