Maid of honor drama

cocorae1 · November 2009

My maid of honor is taking over my wedding! She is trying to plan everything...and gets mad at me if I pick something out without showing her first. She even asked other bridemaids to go with her to look for bm dresses...WITHOUT ME! how do i remind her it's MY day without hurting her feelings?

Jazzy_belle · November 2009

I would just be honest and tell her. I'm assuming you must be close if you chose her to be your MOH. There's no reason for her to be upset if you make a decision w/out her.

mbcdefg · November 2009

Stop involving her in your plans. Don't tell her when you're looking for something, don't invite her on shopping trips, don't ask for her opinion.

If she tries to take something over on her own, just smile and say, "Thanks, but I've got it covered!" and then quickly change the subject.

As for the BM dresses, just say, "Feel free to browse around on your own or with the other girls and get some ideas as to what you like and then let me know what you find, but I'd really like to be there before we actually decide on the dress so please do not buy anything right now. I'm looking for dresses that are [color, overall style, length, etc.], so keep that in mind for when you're looking around." Or, "I'm glad you're so interested in looking! I want to be there, too ... how is next Saturday for you? We can go out with all the girls and then maybe grab some lunch afterward."

Another idea would be to give her a project of her own to work on, especially something you don't care too much about having done 100% your way ... maybe rehearsal dinner invitations, ceremony programs, finding the best deal a specific accessory that you were planning to buy your BMs (pashmina, jewelry, etc.).

Is she typically the type of person who tries to take over everything? If so, realize that it's normal behavior and just do your best to ignore her. But if this is a new thing, then maybe you should talk to her and see what's up.

stina93446 · November 2009

Tell her to knock it off. It's your day, not hers. Ultimately, it's your decision. She could be jealous that you're getting married and in the spotlight.

swim1011 · November 2009

I agree with mbc and stina. If it were me, though, I would take stina's approach and tell her to knock it off. If she gets mad when you plan something without her, well tough cookies. Tell her it's your wedding, not hers.

Julia O'Brien · November 2009

oh boy! That's a crummy situation. It's hard to tell someone to knock it off and stay peaceful... but what other choice do you have? Maybe she thinks she's trying to help in her own way? My FMIL decided to make the wedding cake for us without consulting us... she really thought she was being helpful.. ha ha!
I think some people are natural planners and get excited to be part of things like this.
Just tell her "it's my only wedding, and I appreciate your trying to help out, but I need to make these decisions for myself, otherwise this wedding is a reflection of you, not me and my FI" Ask her to run things by you first. That way she feels like she is still a part of things, but you get the final decision.. and you don't have to take her ideas. I've run into ALOT of this during my planning process... I'm in a family full of creative planners, and I'm the first one to get married... I've done a lot of listening to people's ideas... but that's where it stops...
Wow, she's getting mad if you make a decision without her? Tough cookies! Is she seriously mad? or just comments to you about it?

duckie1905 · November 2009

Tell her to stop and then stop including her in wedding plans.

trix1223 · November 2009

Yeah~this is weird. I'd quickly have a come to Jesus meeting with her. "I'm happy you're so excited about the wedding, but this is something that FI have been looking forward to planning ourselves. And in your excitement, you're pretty much stepping on us and our planning. Picking out BM dresses, and other elements of the wedding are things that I'm excited about. I'll be happy to involve you as much as I can, but please don't take over this for me."

blackfire5th · November 2009

I almost feel like this is bad MUD

jeannigirl · November 2009

Ok if this is actually for real has I have never heard of anything like this. That would take a set of b**** to take over someones wedding. There is noone that can take over anything if you do not allow them to.

Well apparenty if this is true than she is not considering your feelings if she is trying to take over. Put a stop to this Now.

You just say it flat out,this is my FI and I's wedding and we will be the only ones to make any decisions of what will be for our day. I do appreciate your excitment to be involved but anything needs to be run past me first. You are my MOH not the bride that is my role.

I am willing to listen to any suggestions or ideas you may have but the final decision will be made by mt FI and I. If she gets mad then she can just learn to deal with it has a woman and not a child.

lappy456 · November 2009

The Maid of honor can look and act in charge all she wants, but if shes not footing the bill for anything, she cant make an decisions, i'd let her keep going she cant do anything anyway. She's got a lot of balls if she calling and shots with the BM without you.

banana468 · November 2009

I definitely think you need to sit her down and say, "It's so great that you're taking the initiative and saving me some time. However once you think you're onto something, we'll need to make some time so that I can be with you for things like choosing the dress."

If she wants to have input on other stuff, I'd begin to change the subject immediately. IMO, she gets input on things where you request her opinion or where it affects her body.

bablingbrooke · November 2009

Stop talking to her about the wedding. Tell her to knock it off. And don't be so sensitive. So what if she doesn't like your plans? "Thanks for your opinion, MOH." And then do what you want. I don't doubt that it's frustrating, but it also doesn't have to be a big deal.

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