September 2013 Weddings

MOH disaster!! -ALERT! this is long :(-

ALRIGHT... I turn to each of you as my 9/13 brides with a heavy heart and the need to VOMIT!!! We were wanting to narrow down the wedding party in order to have things set for the long overdue engagement party where we are asking people to be apart of our wedding. It was awesome it all came together with ease until I was asked who to be my MOH..... I have since cried.. yelled.. pouted... felt the need to puke... just about everything here's my situation and please any advice or tips or ANYTHING will be greatly appreciated.
I come from a very small immediate family I am an only child.. well I was until my dad was remarried and had a daughter so I have a 9 year old little sister. I am not very fortunate in the friends department either I have a lot of girls I talk to but no one that I would say I am very close with.. I had one friend who was my best friend and we did everything but since 2006 we've had a falling out. I have a cousin who is near my age who is my twin or so the family says but lately she's kind of gone off the deep end. We use to talk all the time and now she never calls me and her # has changed with my notice. and LASTLY... my Aunt she is 1 year younger then I am we always use to pretend we were sisters no matter where we went, we have been on several trips together... she was my best friend!! last year her and her FI and me and mine we all took a road trip together down to FL to see some of our family and the trip was great! I think by the time we were on our way home we were a little tired of each other which is normal to be stuck in a CAR for 25 hours together people can get pretty annoying! well I am not sure what I did or what I said but I hardly ever hear from her I don't see her. I feel like she purposely doesn't invite me to places. NOW here's where the twist comes in. she told me that we should go to the Bridal expos together and kind of plan side by side being we are only getting married months apart from each other. I was super EXCITED and I knew forsure my whole life she would be my MOH. well then the first Wedding Fair came around and I seen on Facebook she was going... and I wasn't invited along with. When I asked about it my other cousin said "it's not her fault the bridesmaids planned it" which first of all she had no idea what was even going on.. and Bridesmaids? I guess I am not even in the wedding/.... WOW!! which I was okay with because she has 1000 brothers and sisters and a million friends ... we went out to dinner to talk and she attempted to smooth things over making empty promises and what not...
My problem is I don't trust her anymore... I feel like she's just saying what she needs to say to get her way... and I don't know if I want her to be my MOH but in honesty she's the only one who makes sense for me... my only option... WHAT DO I DO? do i get over myself and pick a family member who in 10 years may straighten out or do I just pick someone who is fine now and who may not even be in my life in 2 years? PLEASE HELP!!
Sorry this took up so much of your time but i am in such a pickle and no one close to me... my FI my mom my step dad none of them are really helping
THANKS!!!
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Re: MOH disaster!! -ALERT! this is long :(-

  • Wow... That's abit tricky. I honest ly carnt tell you who to pick but I went with who when Iam 80 years old is going to sit and have a coffee and laugh at the pictures. Sorry I wasn't more help Goodluck xx
  • I'm sorry you're going through this :(

    You don't have to have a MOH - wedding parties really aren't essential.  Also, you're really don't need to pick your party so far out (9 months is recommended) for reasons such as this.  Relationships change, people change - and deciding that you made the wrong choice and kicking someone out is a friendship-ending move.

    Just sit back, give yourself a little room to breathe and see how things go with your aunt.  You never know, she may come around. Or you may find that you would feel better standing alone if things don't improve.  Just remember that your WP is supposed to be your nearest and dearest, and if you don't feel that way anymore about anyone, don't set yourself up for more heartache on your wedding day.

    Good luck!
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  • I agree with the other posters.....my fiance and I became engaged last July and while I was initially very excited and enthusiastic about choosing my attendants, due to several circumstances it just kept being put off. Long story short.....am I ever glad I've waited, at least two of the girls I would have asked at that time are no longer really in our lives.
    I will continue to wait until just a little closer to the date because as the one pp said you want people to stand by your side at this event that will still be celebrating with you when you're 80!
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  • I feel you.  My lbridal party went from 5 girls to just a matron of honor and my future husband is only having his best man.... Short and sweet.
  • Would it then be BAD?! to ask all that we want to ask and know for sure about in September of this year and then just hold off on the MOH? The both of us really wanted to do something fun for our to be Bridal party at the engagement party?!
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  • Although none of the people you mentioned fit this criteria, I would pick someone who will support you now. It's all well and good if this person straightens out 10 years down the road and you and she can look back fondly when you're both 80, but I wouldn't want my MOH to cause me stress during the actual wedding planning. Your MOH has to have your back.

    And if you don't feel like anyone can offer that kind of support, then I'd say don't have one.

    Good luck!
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  • I think if your aunt has been your best friend don't base whether you want her to be your MOH on one fall out! We al have crappy days and aside from this bad story you seem to only have good stories about her.... Since you are not in her wedding party, she may have probably felt it was uncomfortable for you to go to the fair... 

    In my personal situation, one of my closest friends was originally not in my wedding party. Because of this, I didn't want to ask her to go dress shopping with me this past weekend, I felt like it was unfair for her to do the stuff the BM's do! So I didnt talk about the wedding much to her becuase I just wanted to stay away from the topic becuase i knew the BM topic would come up! She since told me she was hurt by my actions, but in my head i was preserving her feelings about not being included in my wedding party! 

    Maybe thats how your aunt felt, it would be hard for her to say "hey come to this bridal fair with ALL my bridesmaides and listen to us talk about what wer'e all wearing ect as the wedding party and you just stand to the side and look since your not it." At least thats how I felt... She has since told me that in the party or not she wants to be involved in everything! We've made a couple changes and she is now in my wedding party, but had she not said that, and had I not explained the situation things would have probably went all bad! So just talk to her, let her know that even if you're not in her wedding party you still want to be involved, if thats how you feel!

    BTW I had another friend that didnt wanna be involved at all unless she was in the wedding party so feeling that way in not unheard of... I respected that and she will not be involved.
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