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Any advice on how to bite my tongue NWR (sort of)

CocoBrynneCocoBrynne
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in Second Weddings
Hi everyone I am new here to this board, and I just thought you all might be a good  group to pose this question to:

My FI and are getting married October 9th and we have a 6wk old son together as background, we have known each other 10yrs as friends and we've been together as a couple for about 2 yrs.

Before we became a couple he was in a relationship (never married) which produced a daughter who is 3.5yrs old.  SD's mother is a trainwreck to put it nicely who did nothing but try to cause problems when we initially started dating, even tho she was the one who broke it off with FI.  She is basically a miserable spiteful person, who also refuses to work enough to support herself and SD and relies on welfare and CS as her main sources of income. There is certainly no love lost between her and DH, but my issue is that his family, my IL's to be CONSTANTLY bring her up to complain about her latest antics that they find out from BM's mother. They also compare my son to SD a lot, I will say something he does and they will instantly say when SD did so and so, etc. 

I have told them and have had FI say something to them about doing this, but they continue to bring her up, and I could seriously care less and don't want to hear about her (unless they are telling me she has moved to Abu Dahbi lol). It just aggravates me and the comparison thing they do with my son gets on my nerves too, bc I am a first time mother and when they automatically start talking about how SD did the same thing it almost comes off like they aren't impressed with my son bc they already saw SD do it first. Like they can't let me just brag about my little guy? 

Any advice on how to let it roll off my back a little more?  Right now I'm ready to slap them if I hear BM's name one more time.
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Re: Any advice on how to bite my tongue NWR (sort of)

  • ski2playski2play member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Tough place to be in to say the least.  Agree whole heartedly with PP on getting past this, your child and this other child are 1/2 siblings and as a good momma you need to not sabotage that relationship with your feelings.  Maybe you could sit the FIL's down one more time and try to explain your feelings to them.  Be cautioned though, they probably are not saying things about SD to make you angry, but rather are proud of both children and the milestones that they are reaching.  You indicated that your child is 6 weeks old.  I would let it all roll off your shoulders for another couple of months and get through the wedding.  You need to concentrate on being the best momma to your son and the rest will fall into place.  Good Luck
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  • CocoBrynneCocoBrynne
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_advice-bite-tongue-nwr-sort-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:5e13ecf0-e627-4b07-92e8-d3d4f22ba327Post:56c8f655-64e2-458e-b459-c8021466e6c5">Re: Any advice on how to bite my tongue NWR (sort of)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Tough place to be in to say the least.  Agree whole heartedly with PP on getting past this, your child and this other child are 1/2 siblings and as a good momma you need to not sabotage that relationship with your feelings.  Maybe you could sit the FIL's down one more time and try to explain your feelings to them.  Be cautioned though, they probably are not saying things about SD to make you angry, but rather are proud of both children and the milestones that they are reaching.  You indicated that your child is 6 weeks old.  I would let it all roll off your shoulders for another couple of months and get through the wedding.  You need to concentrate on being the best momma to your son and the rest will fall into place.  Good Luck
    Posted by ski2play[/QUOTE]

    That makes sense what you said.  I agree that I don't think they are intentionally making me feel bad by referring back to when SD did the same thing.  I will take your advice and just focus on my baby boy and the wedding for the time being, I don't see them a whole lot so it won't be that hard to do. 

    I guess I just have to find a way in the future to let them know it bugs me without them getting all offended (which they seem to do easily).  I just would like for once when I say some milestone my son has reached for them to just say "oh that's great good for him!"  Instead of always just responding with "how SD did the same thing at his age" or something along those lines ya know?

    Thanks for your responses!
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  • MikesAngieMikesAngie member
    Name Dropper 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Another way to look at the comparisons to SD and your little son - is that the family is looking for similarities to establish bonds to both children. Also it is normal for grandparents to compare and look for similarities with all their grandchildren. It's not like they are stating that the SD is more precious than your son they are reaffirming that what each child does as normal in that family. I seriously doubt that they are comparing the mothers, or that the grandson is any less important than the granddaughter. 

    I hope for the sake of the SD that you and your FI are establishing a relationship with her so that when the time comes for her to decide to live in a stable household she will feel welcomed.  
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