can I disinvite a junior bridesmaid to be in the wedding

SummsLJ · December 2010

I know this is terribly rude, but my idea to have an close family friend's daughter as a junior bridesmaid will throw off my wedding party ratio of men and women. I already have one too many bridesmaids and two flower girls to the one ring bearer. I never officially talked to the girl (who is 17, which I later discovered is too old to be a "junior bridesmaid" any way), but her dad sent me an email asking if she's in the wedding. I said I was "thinking of having her be a junior bridesmaid." I would hate to disappoint her and her family after saying that. I thought about asking the girl to light candles during the ceremony, but it's an outdoor June wedding and it will be hot outside ... so candles are probably a no-go. Please help me!!! Can I uninvite her to be in the wedding????

Etchasketch11 · December 2010

Sure, you can uninvite her. It's your wedding. But, in the process you're going to hurt her feelings and probably offend her family. Are you sure you want to do that? Is having even sides that important to you? Not judging... just consider your priorities before making any decisions. Remember, your wedding (like life) is about choices. And the ones you make affect others.

PsyDet 2155 · December 2010

No, you can't disinvite her.

salt78 · December 2010

The sides don't have to be even. In fact, I can't remember the last time I went to a wedding with an equal number of bridesmaids and groomsmen. (With the exception of mine.)

kellya01 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-disinvite-junior-bridesmaid-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b9347d9e-6d06-49fb-9618-624b626afca9Post:f772007a-3169-4da6-8b46-b176c30bb649">can I disinvite a junior bridesmaid to be in the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I know this is terribly rude, but my idea to have an close family friend's daughter as a junior bridesmaid will throw off my wedding party ratio of men and women. I already have one too many bridesmaids and two flower girls to the one ring bearer. I never officially talked to the girl (who is 17, which I later discovered is too old to be a "junior bridesmaid" any way), but her dad sent me an email asking if she's in the wedding. <strong>I said I was "thinking of having her be a junior bridesmaid."</strong> I would hate to disappoint her and her family after saying that. I thought about asking the girl to light candles during the ceremony, but it's an outdoor June wedding and it will be hot outside ... so candles are probably a no-go. Please help me!!! <strong>Can I uninvite her to be in the wedding????</strong>
Posted by SummsLJ[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>IMHO, It all depends on how you phrased the FIRST part I bolded. If you actually said what you typed, I think you are stuck. If you were just throwing out an idea... you are quite possibly also stuck, because recanting now would look like a jerk move. It is okay to have uneven sides. If you are concerned about symmetry for your photos, your photographer can balance the photo set-up. I've seen plenty of WP photos with one side stacked a little bit to balance the photo.

</div>

DNAtime · December 2010

No, you can't disinvite them but you can go on Craigslist and hire some extra groomsmen and ring bearers to balance things out.
Or you can just have some uneven sides, it totally doesn't matter.

[Deleted User] · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-disinvite-junior-bridesmaid-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b9347d9e-6d06-49fb-9618-624b626afca9Post:f772007a-3169-4da6-8b46-b176c30bb649">can I disinvite a junior bridesmaid to be in the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I know this is terribly rude, but my idea to have an close family friend's daughter as a junior bridesmaid will throw off my wedding party ratio of men and women. I already have one too many bridesmaids and two flower girls to the one ring bearer. I never officially talked to the girl (who is 17, which I later discovered is too old to be a "junior bridesmaid" any way), but her dad sent me an email asking if she's in the wedding. I said I was "thinking of having her be a junior bridesmaid." I would hate to disappoint her and her family after saying that. I thought about asking the girl to light candles during the ceremony, but it's an outdoor June wedding and it will be hot outside ... so candles are probably a no-go. Please help me!!! Can I uninvite her to be in the wedding????
Posted by SummsLJ[/QUOTE]

From what you have written, it sounds like the family was expecting she be in the wedding. Like pp's have said, you will have to live with the consequences should you not have her in the wedding. The sides do not have to be even. Just think about it before you make any rash decisions.

salt78 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-disinvite-junior-bridesmaid-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b9347d9e-6d06-49fb-9618-624b626afca9Post:6d3ceb16-349f-4efe-b737-793db8e4d114">Re: can I disinvite a junior bridesmaid to be in the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]No, you can't disinvite them but you can go on Craigslist and hire some extra groomsmen and ring bearers to balance things out.
Posted by DNAtime[/QUOTE]

HA!

musicalsunlight · December 2010

I didn't read your post. But no matter the circumstances, if she was at all invited in the first place then the answer is no. You may not uninvite her.

Mrs.B6302007 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-disinvite-junior-bridesmaid-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b9347d9e-6d06-49fb-9618-624b626afca9Post:f772007a-3169-4da6-8b46-b176c30bb649">can I disinvite a junior bridesmaid to be in the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I know this is terribly rude, but ....
Posted by SummsLJ[/QUOTE]

stop right there!

garcias1 · December 2010

Uneven sides is no reason to remove her from your wedding party and cause unnecessary drama with her and her family. If she cheated with your FI, then by all means drop her because you are probably going to want to drop the friendship too (and there probably will be no wedding anyway). If she physically assaulted you, file a restraining order, and the jr. BM thing will take care of itself.

Repeat this 10x slowly: uneven sides are ok. I am happy to have the people I love stand up beside me on my wedding day. My relationship with my Jr. BM is waaay more important than symmetry in photos.

artbyallie · December 2010

Also, you might as well start calling her a bridesmaid. Drop the junior. I know I would have been super ticked to be a "junior" bridesmaid at 17.

kaesha · December 2010

Of course you can uninvite her. Just be prepared to deal with the fallout. If you're happy messing up the relationship you have her with her family, by all means go ahead and uninvite her.

It's not about even sides. It's about having people who matter involved. And, as a life lesson, think before you speak. People usually take others at their word.

squirrly · December 2010

She's old enough to be a "real" bridesmaid, and your sides don't need to be even. At all. It completely doesn't matter, in the least.

graysquirrel · December 2010

Don't kick her out. Imagine how it would feel if it were you. You'd probably be heartbroken at the rejection. Uneven sides are totally fine-- not everyone needs an escort at all times, and not everyone needs someone to walk next to them up the aisle. In the old days, all BMs walked up the aisle alone, so I'm sure it will be ok.

Kate61487 · December 2010

I think the whole way this came about sounds pretty shady; her dad asked you if she was going to be in the wedding? presumptuous much? Regardless, one etiquette breach doesn't justify another. You've said she's in - now she's in. If you already have uneven sides what's it matter if they're a little more uneven? now two GM will have a girl on each arm rather than one...