FMIL Update (long)

mancila60 · April 2012

So as you saw this weekend and have kept up with my FMIL is sick and has cancer. We found out Friday night that she had some spots found on her brain during a CT scan in the ER friday afternoon. They scheduled her for an MRI on Saturday morning and said we would't get the results until the dr took a look at it this week.

While she called us Saturday afternoon and said she got the results. So when we finally got up there to see her that night she said they told her that there were 5 spots which are masses so they can't tell how many individually there are. The doctor gave her 3-6 months to live. Even with radiation (only treatment they can try) it only contains the masses and won't get rid of them.

We have a lot of decisions ahead of us and lots of things to get done. We have spent most of the weekend telling people and talking to figure things out. FI is dealing the best he can but is having a hard time as expected. FBIL and FSIL are taking it really hard and are in denial from what we hear but we have not seen them and they have only been to the hospital 2 times since we took her to the ER on friday and we have been twice a day since plus spent the whole day with her in the ER. There is lots of tension between FI and FBIL right now.

Since it is so close to the wedding we can't exactly cancel or "reschedule" plus FMIL would not want us to do that. Also we have been planning to go on our honeymoon the day after the wedding for a week. I left the decision to FI on what he wanted to do reguarding that since it is his mom and I would support him no matter what. He decided to go since we are only a little over a month away.

I have let all my BM know the situation as well as our GM and all have offered to help with anything they can WR or NWR. I am going to be handing over some of my DIY projects to them so that I can focus a little more on FMIL and FI. She wants all of us kids to get together one day soon to go over paperwork and talk about how things will go.

I have been through all this before with my uncle exactly 3 years ago so I have kind of been the voice of reason for her and I am able to help her and FI through things by explaining them a little better than the doctors.

Thank you all so much for all the T&P's for her and us lately. I just ask that you continue that for us. We will need it so much in the upcoming months. And very much here in the next few weeks as we still have so many wedding things left to do. And just decisions and discussions we have ahead of us.

I will keep you ladies updated as best I can throughout everything! Sorry this was so long!

gpapale1 · April 2012

I'm so sorry to hear about your FMIL.

I'll be praying for all of you during the next few months, as I know they will be difficult. Please try to stay positive and enjoy the rest of your wedding planning, your big day, and the honeymoon.

LittleLunarMouse · April 2012

So sorry to hear about that hun

I wish there was more that I could do other than pray, but since I cant I'll keep her in my thoughts and send her lots of love. Would you mind sharing her first name? I find that its easier to dirrect my prayers if I know whom Im dirrecting them to. If you feel uncomfortable with that, how about your first name? Will work just as well

Stay possitive for your FI and his mom, Im sure they both need it and its sounding like you're the rock at the moment. Lots of love coming your way too

Keep your head up my dear

mancila60 · April 2012

Her name is Diane. I'm Ashley. She has been fighting cancer for almost 3 years now and we are actually shocked she has made it this far but she has been doing "better" the past few months and we actually weren't thinking it had progressed this much. The past year with her has been a roller coaster in and out of the hospital and ER's.

I try my best to do what I can. And we really appreciate all your prayers we could use so much of that right now. We are doing our best to lean on people and ask for help and advice since we are only 23 and FBIL just turned 25 this year. We are all young and I'm the only one with any experience with any of this.

ladychambers83 · April 2012

Awwww man, sooo sorry to hear! My best friend went through this just last year with her FI it is definitely a tough time but your FI is blessed to have you there to be his support..
One thing that I suggested she do for him (but she didn't end up doing and regrets it now) is get her to write a letter to FI that can be read at the wedding or even a voice recording (just in case she might not feel well enough to attend). My bestie regrets it now because she's gone and with her FI being a mama's boy I know it would've meant alot to hear something from her.. just a thought!

I'll be praying for you, FI & family in this hard time

vineyard12 · April 2012

I wish I could help you! But, since we're too far apart, my prayers continue with you and your family during this difficult time. I hope Diane can be there for the wedding. Will she get to leave the hospital or does she have to stay?

Please continue to update us. Many T&Ps your way

mancila60 · April 2012

She is getting out of the hospital today hopefully she was actually in there for other reasons but when running the test for the other stuff this happened to show up which started everything else. She should be fine to attend the wedding unless things just go terribly wrong between now and then she should still be doing okay. Things more than likely won't start getting too bad until about June.

Because FI and I have a crazy schedule right now and we don't know how things will progress she wants to get some things taken care of now.

MsAmeera25 · April 2012

I'm going to pray for you and your family, i'm so sorry to hear this.

littleshrink · April 2012

Lean on your family and friends. That's why they are there. Honestly, I don't think a person is ever expereienced with any of these issues. I feel for you and your family. Enjoy your time with your FMIL and keep the time with her as enjoyable and fun as possible. You will actually remember this time in your life and honestly some great memories came out of the final months with my grandfather and my father-in-law.
Know that you have your May girls here for you whenever you need shoulders!

LuckyHeather · April 2012

Cancer is such an awful thing to have to deal with. I am so sorry to hear this news, and I hope your extended family can come together to give her peace during this difficult time.

mandi921vh · April 2012

I am so sorry! I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

LOMLBOAT · April 2012

T&P to everyone involved in this and so sorry to hear!

I agree with a PP about having a letter or recording made. My mom did it for me the last Christmas my grandmother was with us and I find myself playing it more recently to hear her voice since she won't be at my wedding. I did it for FI when his grandmother was still alive and she left a secret message for him w/o me even knowing! (It was to have him propose to me!!) So it's a nice thing to have after anyone passes. A reminder of their voice, of a nice message or just a joke.

GL with everything and let us be here to help in any way we can!

AurorasEnvy · April 2012

I'm so very sorry to hear about the bad news with your FMIL. Losing a close family member to illness is difficult in any case, but it makes it even more difficult knowing that these next few weeks are supposed to be some of the happiest in your life. To be honest, I don't think it's something that gets easier the 2nd or 3rd time around - the grief is still just as raw as it was with the 1st.

Hopefully your FI and FBIL can work things out. I think it's very common in difficult situations to turn your despair into anger at someone or something, since it is a lot easier to focus your anger at someone (whether it is irrational or not) than it is to be engulfed in grief. I know your FMIL wouldn't want to see them fighting during the time she has left.

I don't want overstep or assume how you are feeling here, but I can relate to that rug-pulled-out-from-under feeling. We are so close to our weddings, the biggest event we'll probably ever plan and definitely one of the most important days in our lives...and then when something like this happens it just quenches all that excitement & anticipation like water over a flame. Or at least that's how I feel. Not to mention the guilt you might feel even thinking about your wedding at a time like this. I guess there are no real answers on how to deal with any of these feelings and how to proceed, and as terrible as this may sound...I take comfort knowing that I'm not alone in feeling this way. What I mean is, I obviously wouldn't wish this sort of loss (or impending loss) on anyone, but talking to other people who are going through similar things helps...if you ever wanted to talk you know I'm here along with the rest of the board.

Sorry if this is long, I've just also been feeling blah lately. I e-mailed my officiant this weekend about the passing of our FBIL. He wrote back and mentioned that he just had a mother call him recently to cancel the wedding of her daughter in September - both the daughter and future son in law were killed in a car accident. Then I read your post this morning and I couldn't decide what is worse, losing someone in an instant or knowing you are going to lose someone in the near future and that they are going to have to suffer through their illness first. Maybe everything is compounding itself, IDK.

Anyways, T&Ps for you & your family. Keep us updated, there's something cathartic about sharing distraught feelings with people over the internet.

AurorasEnvy · April 2012

...and I just went to check my FB page before bed. This is the first thing that popped up on my news feed: obituary of a 25 year old woman who passed away....married recently to her husband. Sad times. Gah.

FMIL Update (long)

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