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Post Wedding Shower

MarineWifeFLMarineWifeFL
First Comment
in Pre-wedding Parties
My husband and I recently got married on June 19th while he was home on leave (he's a Marine). We found out that he only had a limited number of days for leave before he was going to deploy to Afghanistan......so, we decided to get married when he came home, which left us only 1.5 months to plan a wedding. Initially we were going to keep it super-small, but a quite a few friends insisted on coming. (Side note, we moved to Florida last August from Massachusetts, only for him to get order to Camp Pendelton in CA a few months later, in which I could not go). So, I then decided to have a small, but official 'wedding'. I did everything by myself and had a beautiful ceremony and brunch reception at the Crowne Plaza on the beach.
Because of the time constraints and the fact that almost everyone I know is in MA, with the exception of a few cousins here, I didn't have a shower.....NOR did I have a bachelorette as most of my friends could only get here Friday night (got married Saturday morning). I was planning on going up to MA in August and my older sister just suggested that I have a post wedding shower, as I didn't really get to do any bride stuff......and it wasn't by choice. She says that I deserve it as I still had a real wedding and she really thinks it's completely appropriate, considerring the circumstances.
A couple of very spoiled bride-friends of mine who had 'the works' last year said that it wasn't proper etiquette......but then again, neither is expecting your bridesmaids to spend $3000 on your wedding either.....so I guess I shouldn't really care what they think......
I just want to know, am I wrong for being excited about this? I really didn't feel like a bride at all during this whole thing......it was run, run, run, run and then goodbye my new husband...... should I just enjoy and ignore the haters?
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Re: Post Wedding Shower

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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_post-wedding-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:ff4cf208-7c15-4321-8e9f-e6e2c4fef991Post:7d8eb246-e0d1-4226-a2fc-e6a274076d46">Post Wedding Shower</a>:
    [QUOTE]My husband and I recently got married on June 19th while he was home on leave (he's a Marine). We found out that he only had a limited number of days for leave before he was going to deploy to Afghanistan......so, we decided to get married when he came home, which left us only 1.5 months to plan a wedding. Initially we were going to keep it super-small, but a quite a few friends insisted on coming. (Side note, we moved to Florida last August from Massachusetts, only for him to get order to Camp Pendelton in CA a few months later, in which I could not go). So, I then decided to have a small, but official 'wedding'. I did everything by myself and had a beautiful ceremony and brunch reception at the Crowne Plaza on the beach. Because of the time constraints and the fact that almost everyone I know is in MA, with the exception of a few cousins here, I didn't have a shower.....NOR did I have a bachelorette as most of my friends could only get here Friday night (got married Saturday morning). I was planning on going up to MA in August and my older sister just suggested that I have a post wedding shower, as I didn't really get to do any bride stuff......and it wasn't by choice. <strong>She says that I deserve it as I still had a real wedding </strong>and she really thinks it's completely appropriate, considerring the circumstances. A couple of very spoiled bride-friends of mine who had 'the works' last year said that it wasn't proper etiquette......but then again, neither is expecting your bridesmaids to spend $3000 on your wedding either.....so I guess I shouldn't really care what they think...... I just want to know, am I wrong for being excited about this?<strong> I really didn't feel like a bride at all during this whole thing.....</strong>.it was run, run, run, run and then goodbye my new husband...... should I just enjoy and ignore the haters?
    Posted by MarineWifeFL[/QUOTE]

    Sorry, but IMO, showers and b-parties are prewedding events.  They are also 100% optional events.  Lots of people get married without either or both parties and are very much "brides" and have wonderful weddings. 

    And plenty of people plan perfectly lovely weddings in under 2 months as well.

    I'm saddened by the bolded parts.  Because you were a bride, and you had a wedding.  The parties don't make the bride.  The ceremony makes the bride. 

    You won't like it, and I certainly don't consider myself a "hater", but I'd probably decline an invitation to a "post wedding shower".

    And where did the "expecting bridesmaids to spend $3,000 on a wedding" come into this discussion at all?  One situation has nothing to do with the other.

    By your own words, you had a beautiful ceremony and brunch reception.  You WERE a bride.  Now enjoy married life.  And thank your DH from me for serving our country.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    quotequeenquotequeen member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Aside from what trix wrote, I think there's a big problem with this plan.  If anybody you would invite to this "shower" was not invited to your wedding, then that would be very rude.  Assuming all of the guests were invited to the wedding, they probably already gave you gifts, and did so under the belief that you were not having a shower.  When I give wedding gifts, there is a certain amount I choose to spend, and if I go to a shower, I split that amount between the shower and wedding gifts.  So that means if I were invited to a shower after the fact, I would already have spent my budget for you, and you would now be asking me to give you another gift on top of that.
    Married 10/2/10
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    KatyRoseMKatyRoseM member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    While I understand what everyone else has said, I wouldn't have a problem with this shower idea.  But if people do, why not have some kind of other get-together with your friends and family?  A lunch or something similar to a bridesmaids lunch?  It would give you a chance to celebrate more, and see your family without asking for gifts.  It sounds like your having a hard time now and I imagine it is a bit lonely with your husband being deployed, so this might also help with that. 
    image
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    deepcovejackiedeepcovejackie
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Sorry to say, but it does sound rude to have a shower after the wedding.  Particularly if shower guests were not invited to the wedding.  If you would like to get together with your loved ones, maybe organize a get-together instead.

    ETA:  Congrats on your wedding and you must be very proud of your husband.
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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm going to have to agree with PPs.  If you did go with this, you'd have to keep it very small anyway since it would be really rude to have a gift giving event for people who weren't present.
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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Please don't use the military as any reason to validate.

    There are a TON of military brides who post on here and none of them use the military as a reason to breach etiquette.
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    Muffin'sMomMuffin'sMom
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If you know what you want to do and are comfortable with it, and your original post clearly indicates you have an idea that others may disagree...why did you ask?  Then, you should do what you want to do.

    As for the other weddings, I agree that if those are the facts then those brides were out of control.  There is this word though...no.  You could have said no at any point in those giant circus weddings.  I would have.  And, I would not have supported my daughter in "demanding" those things.
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    If you want to have a celebration with your closest family members, and they are okay with it, there should be no problem with that. Just leave the word 'shower' out of the invitation, if you're worried about breaching etiquette.

    Please don't believe everything that  'registry ladies' tell you. They are sales people and it is their job to encourage people to buy things or get loved ones to buy things for them. It's okay to register for the things you need, in case any of your family members want to buy you a wedding gift. Just don't advertise it or include the registry cards in invitations (as the registry lady will tell you to do).

    There is a 'military brides' board, under the special topics wedding board (blue column on left of this page), if you want to get ideas from other women in your situation.

    Best Wishes to you and your new husband on your marriage.
                       
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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_post-wedding-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:ff4cf208-7c15-4321-8e9f-e6e2c4fef991Post:3987f485-9964-4ecb-9276-ef735292ee12">Re: Post Wedding Shower</a>:
    [QUOTE]I was simply clarifying for those who spoke of my choices......not making excuses for 'breaching etiquette'....I mean really.....you're a moron.
    Posted by MarineWifeFL[/QUOTE]

    If that's all you've got to say, it's a sad state of how you can support an argument.

    BTW, if you were on the  board where I MOD, I'd be warning you that another comment like that would have me banning you.

    I'm not a moron.  I also don't think it's appropriate to come up with ways to justify the inappropriate.
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    MarineWifeFLMarineWifeFL
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hey, Moron, I'm not arguing.....why, b/c your mindless opinion doesn't mean anything to me.   I could care less.......I simply looked for outside opinions, which was my mistake, hindsight, as now I see what I've openned the door for.

    Go ahead and 'Ban' me....ooooo 'the knot' police....are you kidding me??? Its not like it's going to ruin my life if I can't post on here any longer..... clearly, some of you just troll the site and post like it's your job. Have fun!!!
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    deepcovejackiedeepcovejackie
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto what Banana just said.  Sounds like you're getting defensive, OP.  You asked what we thought, and we told you.  You didn't want our opinions, you wanted validation.  Now you're mad because you didn't get it.
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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If you don't need "validation" from people you don't know, why did you post on an open forum full of people you don't know?

    By the way, as to your comment, [QUOTE]Hey, Moron, I'm not arguing.....why, b/c your mindless opinion doesn't mean anything to me.   I could care less.......I simply looked for outside opinions, which was my mistake, hindsight, as now I see what I've openned the door for. [/QUOTE]

    You should know that:
    1) It's I *COULDN'T* care less.  By stating that you could care less, you're implying that you already care.  And based on how you keep coming back, something tells me that indeed you do.

    2) But what do I know.  I'm a "moron".
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    deepcovejackiedeepcovejackie
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Also "openned" while we're on the subject.  It's "opened". You're being really rude to Banana, OP.
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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    [QUOTE]Ladies, I didn't spell check....and really, you are both not just morons, but you're rude and kind of goofy looking.
    BTW,this site is fantastic!!! All lonely, unattractive people should take a look here and see that they have a shot....... some of you that have I've had the pleasure of 'arguing' with have proven that......you finally found someone!!! Congrats
    Signed,
    Much prettier than you inside and out,
    MarineWife :)
    Later losers! Have fun posting! [/QUOTE]

    Hehe.  I love it when people resort to insulting intelligence and calling people ugly when they don't get validation.

    You've called me a moron and goofy looking yet *I* am rude.  

    Tee hee.

    By the way, I never critiqued your spelling.  I critiqued your phrasing.  You spelled correctly.
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wow, Marine wife:  you're really angry.  And rude.  Is this how you always respond to constructive criticism?  I should have guessed that this would unravel as it has when you called people who disagree with you "haters" in your OP.

    I wish you well.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Stage:  I think she's 18 years old.  And it shows.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    deepcovejackiedeepcovejackie
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I must say, I'm really surprised that people are called "morons" and 'funny looking" on this board.  Wow.

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    lisalou402lisalou402 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    These boards crack me up.

    OP, my thoughts are that if your family and friends in MA want to do this, then etiquitte doesn't matter.   Breaches of etiquitte come in all forms, and I'm sure we've all breached some etiquitte in our lives. 

    If they want to celebrate with you, they can do it in any way shape or form.

    Message boards create community for all types, and I think we all look for different things from this board-validation/connection/unbiased opinion.  If you are open enough to ask questions, sometimes the answers hurt. 

    But the great thing about it is we can choose to still do what we want anyway, and hopefully live with the consequences.

    Consequences here don't sound so big.

    Go for it and GOOD LUCK!

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