We have everything. Except a honeymoon in Paris!

OfcSweetness · December 2011

Dear Knotties,
I'm sure I'm not the first bride faced with this dilemma but I really need some help! My fiance and I have been living together for 3 years and we've already filled our home with all the wonderful stuff a happy couple may need.
The only thing we would like as our wedding present is a contribution towards out honeymoon in Paris. My mother is getting us the plane tickets to France and we're trying to scramble enough cash for everything else. I DO NOT want a toaster oven - I want to go up the Eiffel Tower and stare at Mona Lisa in the Louvre!
My fiance's family is very big on etiquette and even mentioning the words "cash" or "check" sends them into panic mode. I'm not having a bridal shower and my MOH doesn't know any of our guests enough to spread the word.
I mentioned the fact that we'd love a honeymoon contribution on our wedding website and set up a honeymoon regustry but I don't think that's enough. What can I do to make sure etiquette is still followed but we also get what we want and need?? Please help!!

Mrs.B6302007 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_everything-except-honeymoon-paris?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:3ad9f982-eef7-4a2a-93ba-818cb9117979Post:0f533052-7685-4b0f-9fd5-3f10145fdb99">We have everything. Except a honeymoon in Paris!</a>:
[QUOTE]Dear Knotties, <strong>I'm sure I'm not the first bride faced with this dilemma</strong> but I really need some help! My fiance and I have been living together for 3 years and we've already filled our home with all the wonderful stuff a happy couple may need. The only thing we would like as our wedding present is a contribution towards out honeymoon in Paris. My mother is getting us the plane tickets to France and we're trying to scramble enough cash for everything else. I DO NOT want a toaster oven - I want to go up the Eiffel Tower and stare at Mona Lisa in the Louvre! My fiance's family is very big on etiquette and even mentioning the words "cash" or "check" sends them into panic mode. I'm not having a bridal shower and my MOH doesn't know any of our guests enough to spread the word. I mentioned the fact that we'd love a honeymoon contribution on our wedding website and set up a honeymoon regustry but I don't think that's enough. What can I do to make sure etiquette is still followed but we also get what we want and need?? Please help!!
Posted by OfcSweetness[/QUOTE]

Nope, you're not as almost every 3rd or 4th thread shows.

ETA: Plan a HM you can pay for and then any cash gifts you receive (without asking for) can be used to pay yourselves back or do some extra excursions or shopping on your HM.

jessicabessica · December 2011

There is no polite way to ask for cash. IMO, requesting cash on a website or setting up a honeymoon registry would be enough to send an etiquette-minded guest on a search for the perfect monogrammed towel set.

SirJuliusVonHaast · December 2011

Honestly, I think since your FI's family is so etiquette minded, you should play it safe and take down any mention of the honeymoon and honeymoon registry from your website. Those things are pretty big etiquette no-no's.

Plan some basic stuff in Paris that you can afford, and it's pretty likely that people will give you cash gifts without being asked.

arrabelle · December 2011

I don't understand how you can adequately plan this HM. What if you book your tickets for an 8 night stay, but only get enough contribution to cover 4 nights? Would you still be able to go? I'd be fine giving you cash towards a HM, but you wouldn't get it from me until the day of your wedding when I put my envelope in the cardbox.

A lot of people are very offended by HM registries, so you need to know your audience. It sounds like your FIL's do not like this idea. I'd ditch it and quit antagonizing them.

At the VERY least give people another option. I don't mind HM registries, but I would side-eye you telling me in 5 different ways that all I can give you is cash towards your HM. Usually I see HM registries alongside a traditional registry. It would be like me registering for only fine china, and telling people that's all we want. I'd create a small traditional registry to stand alongside the HM registry, if you're bent on keeping it. I'm sure you don't have EVERYTHING.

Viczaesar · December 2011

Keep in mind that, no matter what you prefer, some guests will not feel comfortable giving you cash (and yes, the honeymoon registry counts under this heading). You WILL get some physical gifts, and you're more likely to get physical gifts that you don't necessarily appreciate if you don't set up even a small physical registry.

MNVegas · December 2011

People already know that cash is an appreciated gift and they don't need you to tell them to give you their money. Your situation is not special or unique. You already know your FI's family is "big on etiquette" yet you still did one of the rudest things a person can do, which is ask for cash.

Like others said plan a HM you can afford and don't ask your guest to pay for it. If you are still fortunate enough to get cash gifts after committing this etiquette breach then put that money toward HM extras.

jagore08 · December 2011

I agree with all pp. Plan the HM you can afford and if you and you FI get monetary gifts, then plan extra stuff for your HM. Don't rely on your guests to fund your trip.

Simply Fated · December 2011

If you don't want a toaster, don't register for a toaster. Of course you want to go to Paris. A lot of people do. It's poor etiquette to ask other people to pay for your vacation, though, no matter if it's your wedding or birthday. Spread Ut round through word of mouth that you're saving up to travel. Guests who want to give you cash will and those who don't give you cash weren't going to give you cash, anyway.

hboo2011 · December 2011

Your actions may offend your FI's family. It is the exact same thing as asking for money. Keep in mind most (if not all) honeymoon registries take a percentage from guests. Aka guest thinks they are buying you $100 dinner in Paris. You actually only see $95 of it. That is not fair to guests.

AurorasEnvy · December 2011

A lot of brides (if not most brides) these days find themselves in this situation. It doesn't make asking for money any less acceptable.

Make a small registry with a few items - I think everyone could find a few things in their home that would benefit from an upgrade - that is one way to have people give you cash, because your registry gets fulfilled really early on.

I would not count on wedding money to pay for your honeymoon, as in, if you don't receive enough cash at the wedding you will not be able to pay for it.

I don't think mentioning your honeymoon on your website is bad in itself, as long as you don't directly or indirectly ask for people to contribute. I have our honeymoon on there, although it pretty much just says "We will be honeymooning in St. Lucia" with a link to pictures of the resort.

I'm sure close family members/friends (MOB, FMIL, sisters, BMs) wouldn't mind casually spreading the word as to your wishes.

Also - Paris is amazing! You guys should have an awesome time.

AmethystMSU · December 2011

Gross. So many times over. FTR, most people here don't get honeymoon trips to Paris; you're not entitled to one. Pay for your own trip; don't ask your guests to fund your expensive choices.

Avion22 · December 2011

This is another example of the wedding industry convincing people that it's okay to do rude things, because they want you to spend your money (or have guests sped their money) on their wacky business idea.

My recommendation: Set up a SMALL physical registry for things you DO need (or upgrades to things you already have). If people ask your family what to get you, they can respond, "You know, I think they are trying to save money for ______ (honeymoon, downpayment, home repairs, etc)."

hoffse · December 2011

Yeah I'm one of those people who will give you a physical gift because I don't want you to know how much or how little I spent. If you don't have a registry I'll buy you a vase. It will be a vase that I like. You might want to pick out your own vase for people like me.

I said this in a post a few threads down, but I always sort of wrinkle my nose and say, "ewww" when I see HM registries. They don't offend me per se (though it sounds like they will offend your FI's family), but I find them extremely tacky. At best it's asking guests to pay for a vacation - which it sounds like you can't afford from your post - at worst it's asking guests to fund your sex fest. My view is that you can have your sex fest anywhere - it doesn't have to be a Parisian one. Plus Paris is quite expensive and so that dinner for two you think you need is going to cost guests more in Paris than other honeymoon destinations. Like PP said it's sort of analogous to registering only for fine china and saying you don't want anything else because it's not good enough.

If you want things for your honeymoon maybe register for a few travel guides and art books on Amazon. Not to sound snotty (though I'm pretty sure this will), but if you think the most exciting thing to see in Paris is the Mona Lisa or the Eiffel Tower you need to study up on where you're going. The Louvre has about 35,000 pieces of art on display, not counting things they hold in the archive - the Mona Lisa is fine but I mean, it's not like the Gericaults or the Delacroixs. And I think there are better museums in Paris. I prefer the Musee D'Orsay over the Louvre. And I mean, sure go see Notre Dame. It's worth a trip and it's overwhelming. But I think La Sainte-Chappelle is more beautiful. Louis IX commissioned it to house the crown of thorns, which he bought at the same time - the entire point was to glorify the relics (it's not technically a church) and it's one of the best examples of gothic architecture and stained glass work in the world. So yeah... ask for a book or something. As a guest I'd prefer to buy you something like that so that I know you're going to diverge a bit from the typical American tourist path. And for the sake of your reputation, don't talk people's ears off about wanting to see the Mona Lisa - people who have been there will roll their eyes. I did.

krizzo17 · December 2011

If you want to spend wedding money on your honeymoon, plan it for a few months after the wedding so you'll know exactly how much you have to spend. Do not ask for cash, and accept whatever you get graciously.

MyNameIsNot · December 2011

Honeymoon registries are simply cash registries and are considered quite rude. If some of your family are sticklers for etiquette, you can be sure that the honeymoon registry will offend.

Take down the honeymoon registry and immediately remove any mention of gifts from your website.

If you aren't having a shower, you don't have to have a registry. If people ask, simply say "oh, we have everything we need. We're just focused on saving for the honeymoon now." Those that are comfortable gifting money will write you a check. Those that are not will choose something for you or forego the gift.

Magdeline687 · December 2011

Register at BB&B, have a shower, return everything for cash?

jessicabessica · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_everything-except-honeymoon-paris?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:3ad9f982-eef7-4a2a-93ba-818cb9117979Post:93d9011b-c2e9-4021-8e2a-bb75e0d2fbb5">Re: We have everything. Except a honeymoon in Paris!</a>:
[QUOTE]Register at BB&B, have a shower, return everything for cash?
Posted by Magdeline687[/QUOTE]

<div>This is dishonest and bad advice. I would be pretty offended as a guest if I went through the trouble of buying you a gift and attending your shower and found out that you returned it for cash and that had been your intention all along. </div>

bsn1752 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_everything-except-honeymoon-paris?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:3ad9f982-eef7-4a2a-93ba-818cb9117979Post:93d9011b-c2e9-4021-8e2a-bb75e0d2fbb5">Re: We have everything. Except a honeymoon in Paris!</a>:
[QUOTE]Register at BB&B, have a shower, return everything for cash?
Posted by Magdeline687[/QUOTE]

No, no, no, NO! Don't be deceptive and dishonest to your guests.

OP, plan and pay for the honeymoon that you can afford.

amys325 · December 2011

OP, if you really want a HM in Paris, but want to follow etiquette, don't register, don't ask for cash, don't create a Honeymoon Registry...but delay your honeymoon. Wait until after the wedding to see what sorts of gifts you get and then plan from there.

We had already planned to delay our HM because we had a DW and spent a week in St. Thomas and had limited vacation time after that, but once the wedding was all said and done we knew what money we got and what we could spend. We ended up going on a 2 week HM to Italy and Greece and it was amazing.

Cortney1982 · December 2011

Oh dear! What you *need* is a slice of humble pie. If I was invited to a wedding with even a hint of request for cash, that would be enough for me to not attend. Put yourself in their shoes, they may feel you are only inviting them for whats in their pocket books.

diemhei · December 2011

I would love to know what your answer was. I am getting married next October and I am not sure I should have a shower. I am 43 and this is my first wedding so some of my friends say yes and some have said no. I need help.

We have everything. Except a honeymoon in Paris!

Re: We have everything. Except a honeymoon in Paris!

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