Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

Grooms Speech - In Honor of Father

Hello all,
My fiance has asked me to give a speech in honor of her father who has passed away.  I was wondering what would be an appropriate speech to give.  Her father was very important in her life and she is crushed that he will not be able to walk her down the aisle like many of her friends have.  I really do not want to mess this up.  Any help is greatly appreciated.  Thank you 

Re: Grooms Speech - In Honor of Father

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_grooms-speech-in-honor-of-father?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:37323faa-0d35-42b3-a6e6-25ce5ed9909cPost:bfbafed2-5892-4f4d-87e1-8f4c8c0fca7a">Grooms Speech - In Honor of Father</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hello all, My fiance has asked me to give a speech in honor of her father who has passed away.  I was wondering what would be an appropriate speech to give.  Her father was very important in her life and she is crushed that he will not be able to walk her down the aisle like many of her friends have.  I really do not want to mess this up.  Any help is greatly appreciated.  Thank you 
    Posted by irahetak[/QUOTE]

    #1 Ask your future mother in law (with your fiance) if she will be OK with this.
    #2 I don't know if you knew the man, but regardless, simple is best.

    Traditionally, the bride and groom do not give speeches at the reception. They may say a brief thank you to guests for attending, but that's about it. If you would like to say something about your bride's father, I would suggest the more appropriate place would be your rehearsal dinner.

    I would suggest simple, positive wording like "I am so lucky to have found someone as beautiful as Mary and have her become my wife tomorrow. Her mother, Sue, and father, Mike, certainly raised a wonderful woman."

    Mentioning that he is deceased or anything like "looking down over her" is <em>probably</em> not best suited for wedding events and could put a grey cloud over an otherwise happy occassion.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited October 2012
    If you do this at all, find out how other family members will feel about this, and keep it short and sweet.  Making too big an issue of the fact that he is deceased will add a note of sadness to what should be a happy occasion, and probably a lot of people in attendance won't have known him when he was alive, so don't turn it into a memorial service as that would make them uncomfortable-as well as anyone who did know him and would feel uncomfortable. 

    I'd just mention some other special occasions in her life when he was there, and let it go at that.  As the PP says, don't do any "here in spirit"-type wording or do any empty chairs, photos of just him, or place settings. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_grooms-speech-in-honor-of-father?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:37323faa-0d35-42b3-a6e6-25ce5ed9909cPost:f21dc878-0e46-403d-bb59-4d53fe817eed">Re: Grooms Speech - In Honor of Father</a>:
    [QUOTE] I would suggest simple, positive wording like "I am so lucky to have found someone as beautiful as Mary and have her become my wife tomorrow. Her mother, Sue, and father, Mike, certainly raised a wonderful woman." Mentioning that he is deceased or anything like "looking down over her" is probably not best suited for wedding events and could put a grey cloud over an otherwise happy occassion.
    Posted by itzMS[/QUOTE]

    I agree with this, and would probably only do at RD.
    I think it would be very difficult to do this right, and very very easy to do this wrong.
    There is no way to tell how your FMIL may receive this, especially depending on the relationship you had with her husband. Talk it over with her and I would do everything I could to respect her wishes, whatever that may be.
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    FIL had been gone for 8 years at the time of our wedding.  There was very minimal mentions of him throughout the day as it would have still been too much for MIL.  We had a church wedding, so we mentioned him during the Prayers of the Faithful, there was a bouquet of flowers, 1 white rose and 8 orange roses, representing FIL and all grandparents who had passed, and a mention in the program along with our grandparents again.  But the bouquet we had, had no markings on it, so only we knew what the flowers meant.

    I'm sorry for your FI's loss, but a wedding is a joyous occasion and memorials of any kind should always be kept at a minimum.
  • Talk with your fiance about honoring her father in a more private way.  The potential to cause sorrow at what should be a joyful event is too high when you turn something like this into a public spectacle (aka a speech).

    Grief isn't a public display in US culture (it is in some others, but generally not here), but rather a very private affair.  Many people will be made uncomfortable if you start eulogy-type speech about her father.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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  • If your fiance has asked you to give a speech make it kinda short and sweet.. I have also heard of the bride making a small table over to the side with flowers and pictures of family members that have departed. To the bride this makes her feel like they are there with her. I am sorry if it makes other family members uncomfortable but it is the brides wish on her special day.

  • Also, my friends father was gone and she put a picture of him in one of the chairs where he would have sat.

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