My man wants to plan our wedding!

RachandJuice · December 2012

I just recently got engaged and of course we are super excited. My fiance is a photographer, he's extremely creative and is attentive to details. He's a great designer and I know I can trust him about pretty much anything regarding creative ideas. However, when we first started talking about getting married, I became aware that he was going to want to be involved. Of course I was a bit taken back because it's always been my dream to plan a wedding (and men don't usually have so many opinions about wedding details). Anyway, I know that I want him involved because of his great taste and eye for creative details, but I'm afraid I won't be able to do the things I really want. How can I make sure we are both involved in planning this wedding without it becoming a point of conflict??

SlothGoals · December 2012

Well, since it is both your wedding and your FI's wedding you'll need to learn how to compromise. Given that you're both adults I'm assuming you should already know how to do it. You can start by sitting down together and discuss your individual visions for the wedding and go from there.

allelsefaild · December 2012

You'll just have to compromise. My fiance has opinions when it comes to the planning as well. In some ways this can be frustrating, but in others, I'm really glad he cares and wants to be involved. He also has opinions when it comes to decorating and painting too, but I'm accepting this in marrying him and we've both had to learn to make compromises and pick our battles.

Avion22 · December 2012

Stage's advice is good.

Also, I think it would be nice for you to sit down together and talk about what you like, then let him use his creative energy to figure out a way to implement it. Then the two of you can get back together to implement. For example, you two sit down together and decide that you want teal and fuscia as your colors. For flowers, you think maybe pink flowers and incorporating calla lilies. Then he goes off and looks for photos, talks to florists, makes mock-ups or whatever, then the two of you sit back down and make a final decision. This way you are both involved, but he's done all the hard work (but is creatively involved), and you both get to weigh in on the final decision.

OliveOilsMom · December 2012

PP have given great advice. I think its important to sit down and let each person say what their dream wedding would look like. Incorporate both ideas into your (plural) wedding. If there is something that one person feels very strongly about, suggest letting that person handle it with some input from the other.

My H was very involved with the planning of our wedding. While he may not have had grand schemes in his head, he approved everything for our wedding before it was ordered, deposit placed, etc. He even assisted in the DIY projects.

Just remember that its his wedding too, some brides complain that their FI does nothing to help.

QueerFemme · December 2012

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_my-man-wants-to-plan-our-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:38198d29-e2f5-4eee-9149-f8f2d92412d0Post:b6cb9223-308f-4ae6-8f87-58ea6ccab24b">My man wants to plan our wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE]I just recently got engaged and of course we are super excited. My fiance is a photographer, he's extremely creative and is attentive to details. He's a great designer and I know I can trust him about pretty much anything regarding creative ideas. However, when we first started talking about getting married, I became aware that he was going to want to be involved. Of course I was a bit taken back because it's always been my dream to plan a wedding (and men don't usually have so many opinions about wedding details). Anyway, I know that I want him involved because of his great taste and eye for creative details, but I'm afraid I won't be able to do the things I really want. How can I make sure we are both involved in planning this wedding without it becoming a point of conflict??
Posted by RachandJuice[/QUOTE]

Everyone else is giving great advice. Plan the wedding together. Print out pictures of what you like, and come up with ideas together. Make compromises.

And the other thing, stop referring to him as "your man". He is your fiance, partner, spouse, or any other variety of choices. "Your man" sounds immature and like you should be on an episode of Jerry Springer or Maury.</div>

allelsefaild · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_my-man-wants-to-plan-our-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:38198d29-e2f5-4eee-9149-f8f2d92412d0Post:29b527ee-4f79-4142-9967-bf06cec903e2">Re: My man wants to plan our wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE]As PPs said, compromise is key. I'd suggest you both describe your dream weddings if money were no obstacle - where do you overlap? And he may not care about things that you do. For example, my FI doesn't care about our wedding colors. I do, so I picked them. He cares about the food, but I don't as long as it is within budget so he went and talked with the caterer to find out our options within our budget. I care about photographery so I picked the photographer after running it by FI.
Posted by laurelrenee1[/QUOTE]

Excellent points. For us, FI has flat out said he is going to be picky when it comes to music. Fine with me. I know it's sound quality he cares about and we like the same types of music for the most part so I know he'll keep that in mind. I will be picky about ceremony/reception venue, which is fine with him, but he'll be going with me to look at them.

gymbugmj2k · December 2012

this sounds a lot like my wedding. my (now) husband had strong opinions about photography, music and cake design (yea, i know, CAKE! haha)

when we got engaged, we spent about a week just talking about what we liked about weddings. what was important to us, what themes/colors we liked, etc. Colors was EASY for us - we both chose burgundy/black/ivory (we both love a slightly more clean-lined but classic, ratpack feel). So from there, the details were fairly easy to coordinate and compromise. As we talked more, we learned more about each others' preferences and ideas. He came up with some awesome ideas for us and let me take the lead on some of the other creative projects (a wine crate as a card box, chocolate dipped bride and groom strawberries for a cake topper, etc)

bottom line - TAKE TIME to sit and talk about everything simply for the purpose of learning his likes/dislikes. the more i learned up front, the easier it was later on.

[Deleted User] · December 2012

I agree that it's about communication and compromise with your FI. When FI and I were first engaged we bickered about every little thing, including the colors. Eventually we moved past it and learned to choose our battles with each other. FI is a director so he is organizing the ceremony with our coordinator and setting up the first look. He picked our venue and catering. I picked our bakery and flowers. You have to figure out what is really important to you and why. Yeah this isn't the wedding I thought I would be having but as the days get closer I'm excited to see the full picture of mine and FI's choices!

Sydney91 · January 2013

Today my fiance and I had wedding planning day. They hit once in a while when we both feel like planning. Made a ton of decisions together. He keeps trying to sacrifice all the time and I keep trying to get him to be a groomzilla/more stubborn so I don't feel like a bridezilla. We joke about it a lot. Today we just decided on the look of the guest tables and head tables and used a few pieces of tissue paper and ribbon left over from Christmas to show off our ideas. Lots of diagrams and talking with our hands and batting around tissue paper flowers (SO MUCH FUN!!) and we have a plan. Now I get to do the math since my fiance is extremely math-challenged and find out how much our vision will take to set up and fund. Thank goodness tissue paper, tulle, and wire are cheap!

There are sections where we have split duties completely and have nearly complete control. He is handling booze order and food since I don't care what happens there other than a toonie bar (it's not a bad decision in our area since neither of us have never been to a wedding that didn't charge $2 for a drink) and having roast beef (both have cattle farmers in the family). I am handling the flowers since my man doesn't care if we have them even and I have to be specific to avoid my allergies. I got full licence over the cake after his two stipulations: it tastes good and does not have fondant (one stipulation in retrospect). Even here though, it's all about compromise and making sure we both know the gameplan to avoid surprises later.

My man wants to plan our wedding!

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