No kids allowed...

teamcunningham · February 2012

Recently engaged, one of the first things my fiance and I decided, was that we do not want children present at the wedding or reception. We're thinking no one under the age of 14. Nothing against kids, we just don't want screaming during our ceremony or people having to leave the reception because of their children. Most of our friends with children who we have passed this by, think it is a great idea. Some, however, will not... Does anyone know a tactful way to say "no kids!!" on our invitations?

ElleB87 · February 2012

You simply address each invitation to the adults instead of "The Smith Family". Just so you know there will most likely be people that assume their kids are invite and backlash may ensue when you tell them they are not.

StephBeanWed61502 · February 2012

There's no tactful way to indicate who isn't invited on an invitation. To indicate kids aren't invited, you address the invitations only to the people you want there. So, for example, you would address the invitation to "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" instead of "The Smith Family," which would indicate that only the parents are invited. You can also indicate who is invited on the RSVP card by having a line like "__ seats have been reserved in your honor" and then pre-filling it in with the number of adults you're inviting. If anyone RSVPs with their kids, just call them back and tell them "Sorry for the confusion, but we're unfortunately unable to accommodate little Jimmy and Sally - will you and John still be attending?"

zitiqueen · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-kids-allowed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:726d2838-3216-4c58-83f9-1b18a86d03d4Post:e0ff8248-d34f-43cc-bf67-d7a973c1dc94">No kids allowed...</a>:
[QUOTE]Recently engaged, one of the first things my fiance and I decided, was that we do not want children present at the wedding or reception. We're thinking no one under the age of 14. Nothing against kids, we just don't want screaming during our ceremony or people having to leave the reception because of their children. Most of our friends with children who we have passed this by, think it is a great idea. Some, however, will not... Does anyone know a tactful way to say "no kids!!" on our invitations?
Posted by teamcunningham[/QUOTE]

There is no tactful way to tell somebody they aren't invited. Just don't invite them and stand your ground when their parents RSVP for their precious snowflakes.

AdeleDazeem · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-kids-allowed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:726d2838-3216-4c58-83f9-1b18a86d03d4Post:d4b3c859-2583-45a0-bf21-f10e4309cee9">Re: No kids allowed...</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, I would consider making it 13 and up, to make it clear it's for teenagers and up. If I was 13 and my 14 year old sister was invited and I wasn't I'd be pretty upset.
Posted by Beaniebeach[/QUOTE]

This is why I think it's best to look at your guest list and make an age cut off that doesn't exclude younger siblings/older siblings instead of some arbitrary number.

Starfish0116 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-kids-allowed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:726d2838-3216-4c58-83f9-1b18a86d03d4Post:d4b3c859-2583-45a0-bf21-f10e4309cee9">Re: No kids allowed...</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, I would consider making it 13 and up, to make it clear it's for teenagers and up. If I was 13 and my 14 year old sister was invited and I wasn't I'd be pretty upset.
Posted by Beaniebeach[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah, but where do you draw the line? If you use this theory it's no different than a 12 year old getting mad because their 13 year old sibling is invited. </div><div>
</div><div>We went strictly "no kids". There were just too many issues on where to cut it off. We always read on here how it's not polite to split up a family - well among our guests we have families with varying ages of kids. The most stressful part of planning for me was sitting down and realizing just how many kids we were dealing with.</div>

Hilraythebride · February 2012

We are not having a no kids policy but we are not having any infants or very small children at our wedding.

For example my friend and her hubby have a 2 year old and a newborn, to avoid inviting them I just put on the save the date Mr. & Mrs. John Doe and will do the same on the invite. If they call to ask about it I will just say we are unable to accomidate them.

Bkseller13 · February 2012

A newborn, especially one that is breastfeeding is usually not included in the no kids caveat. I don't think you can expect a breastfeeding mother to abandon her child for the duration of your wedding and reception.

Summer2011Bride · February 2012

There is nothing wrong with having no kids. My only concern would be splitting up siblings (a family has a 15 year old and a 10 year old and only one kid gets to go). I would look at the people on your guest list and see if that would affect anybody. If you have families that have all small children and families that have children 14 and up,, I think that's fine. I would just be hesitant to split up a 14 year old and a 13 year old from the same family, and that's where I think parents would have an issue. I don't really consider 14 yo's adults. Eighteen and up may be a better cut-off.

goobersinlove · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-kids-allowed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:726d2838-3216-4c58-83f9-1b18a86d03d4Post:327ae2d7-de53-41ad-b323-191ce4477a6e">Re: No kids allowed...</a>:
[QUOTE]A newborn, especially one that is breastfeeding is usually not included in the no kids caveat. I don't think you can expect a breastfeeding mother to <u><strong>abandon</strong></u> her child for the duration of your wedding and reception.
Posted by Bkseller13[/QUOTE]

I know this is a hot topic whenever it comes up, but I'm in the camp that newborns are most definitely NOT the exception by rule - they are only an exception if the B&G want them to be.

If a newborn is not invited, no one is making her ABANDON her child - she can either 1) leave the newborn with a family member who can feed her previously-pumped milk (if she does that - most people do these days, but some don't) or 2) decline the invitation to the wedding.

goobersinlove · February 2012

OP, all the PP's covered it well.

1) To not invite kids, simply do not mention them on the invitation's envelope. Mr. & Mrs. John Smith. Never, ever, ever write "no kids" or "adults only" or anything to that effect. To further idiot-proof this while still staying within etiquette, on your RSVP cards you can put "We have reserved X seats in your honor."

2) If there are older children you want to invite, go ahead and invite them without feeling like you have to make exceptions for other people with children. However, do review your guest list to ensure that your age cut-off does not split up a family (say, the 10 year old has to stay home while the 14 year old sibling gets to go). If that situation comes up, then you need to decide whether to invite the whole family unit or just mom and dad.

kwilliams111012 · February 2012

I have a follow up question for you ladies: is it ok to invite some kids and not others? Or if you invite some, must you invite them all?

Example: all the children related to me (I have a LOT of young cousins) and in the wedding party I definitely want to invite, but I've been wondering about situations like.... my Mother's best friend from college (whom I've never met) and her 4 children.... or my Dad's business parter (whom I barely know) and his 2 kids, etc.

We haven't send out STDs or invites yet, so we still have time to decide and luckily my parents are very flexible with the budget. Just wondering what proper etiquette is.

StephBeanWed61502 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-kids-allowed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:726d2838-3216-4c58-83f9-1b18a86d03d4Post:caed1e04-8867-470c-beb0-9fccd3336608">Re: No kids allowed...</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a follow up question for you ladies: is it ok to invite some kids and not others? Or if you invite some, must you invite them all? Example: all the children related to me (I have a LOT of young cousins) and in the wedding party I definitely want to invite, but I've been wondering about situations like.... my Mother's best friend from college (whom I've never met) and her 4 children.... or my Dad's business parter (whom I barely know) and his 2 kids, etc. We haven't send out STDs or invites yet, so we still have time to decide and luckily my parents are very flexible with the budget. Just wondering what proper etiquette is.
Posted by kwilliams111012[/QUOTE]

It's completely appropriate to make cuts in "circles" when it comes to kids - for example, you could invite children of immediate family only, or cousins only, etc. without being rude. (You could also do age limits, although that creates problems when you have families invited who have siblings that are both above and below the cut-off, as PPs have mentioned.) The only thing that's rude is picking and choosing from within certain groups - so for example, if your dad has two business partners, and you invite the one partner's small children, but not the other partner's small children, that would be rude.

likeadeadstar · February 2012

I definitely agree with PPs that you should check the ages of your guests' children and ensure you're not segregating siblings (one exception: if, say, like my family, there's a huge age gap - I have siblings 13 years younger than I and I don't think 3 year-old sis would have noticed if 16 year-old me and parentals had gone to a wedding, KWIM?).

We chose 18+ for our wedding - originally it was going to be 19+ because that's our legal drinking age but that would have excluded two of my siblings by four months' time, so we changed to 18+ and now, no weird issues. Everyone on our list has no children, or all over 18, except Fi's brother and his son's been made ring bearer to prevent anyone asking why he was an exception. I'm expecting possibly 8 declines because of travel and small kids, but I am understanding of that and expecting to have to gently apologize but remain firm.

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