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Wedding Party

Bridesmaid Gifts vs. Personal Attendant Gifts

Hi all! Is it acceptable to get my 2 Personal Attendants something different than what I'm getting the Bridesmaids? I was considering a wine gift basket....

Re: Bridesmaid Gifts vs. Personal Attendant Gifts

  • Since you're asking them to do a shiit job that people normally get paid to do for free, yeah, I'd spend at least as much on them as the BMs.
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    grumbledore[Deleted User]tcnoble
  • You should probably spend more on them than on the BMs, to compensate them for the work they'll be doing.  Day-of coordinators don't come cheap.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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  • I would get them all something different.
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  • At first glance, I thought "Why is she getting someone she's paying bridesmaids gifts?" And then I realized... she's not paying them. Personal Attendant sounds like the worst non paying job EVER. And I have never heard of one that wasn't HIRED WITH A PAYCHECK in relation to a wedding. Woah.
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    grumbledore[Deleted User]
  • Ok, What is a personal attendant? 

    The term sounds like it means personal servant.  Am I wrong?
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  • In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Gifts vs. Personal Attendant Gifts:
    [QUOTE]Ok, What is a personal attendant?  The term sounds like it means personal servant.  Am I wrong?
    Posted by mysticl[/QUOTE]
    Nope.  You're exactly right.  Why some people frame it as an honor is completely beyond me.
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  • In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Gifts vs. Personal Attendant Gifts:
    [QUOTE]http://www.mspmag.com/weddings/gettingstarted/168789.asp Until you've done it or participated in a wedding with one, don't hate! I think you have the wrong idea, they aren't there and do everything for you (not that I would ever have anyone do that for me, I'm a grown adult). I'm very happy to have 2 good friends be involved with my wedding. I'm sorry, I respectfully disagree!
    Posted by berg1395[/QUOTE]
    Reading the article confirms that it's exactly what we think it is - unpaid bitchwork.  You can hire someone to worry about details and deadlines for your wedding.  You shouldn't be making a friend worry about these things -for free! - as a way to "honour" them.  And yes, I'm judging you for it.
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  • Basically my understanding of personal attendant is that it usually takes two forms.

    1) Unpaid day-of coordinator
    2) No actual responsibilities at all, just a pity title

    I'm not a fan of either flavor.  I've DOCed for friends before (always something I volunteered, never something I was appointed for), it is brutal work and while it's rewarding in its own way, you're not exactly enjoying the party.  (The first time I did it, the only time I got to sit down between 8am and 6pm was when I was driving.  I ate lunch standing in the kitchen.)  And if it's just the title, I think it's more harmless, but also more pointless.  Titles in weddings reflect specific roles that are being performed, and if there's no role, then the "honor" is completely meaningless.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Gifts vs. Personal Attendant Gifts:
    [QUOTE]http://www.mspmag.com/weddings/gettingstarted/168789.asp Until you've done it or participated in a wedding with one, don't hate! I think you have the wrong idea, they aren't there and do everything for you (not that I would ever have anyone do that for me, I'm a grown adult). I'm very happy to have 2 good friends be involved with my wedding. I'm sorry, I respectfully disagree!
    Posted by berg1395[/QUOTE]
    Have you ever been one?  Is it truly as fun! as you make it sound?  Because I can't imagine any of that is fun.  And next time I might cite an actual legitimate source of wedding etiquette (i.e. Emily Post) rather than some random website.  
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  • Personal Attendant always for me conjures up the image of someone following Paris Hilton around to do her bidding.

    You're not closing a deal with a Fortune 500 company.  A bride doesn't need a "personal attendant" anymore that Paris Hilton does.  It's AW-ish to think that you do.

    As for the appropriate gift for a sycophant...err...personal attendant?  A check made out the person in the amount that is the going  rate for DOC in your area.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • I have to agree with the OP here.  (Yes I know I'm HORRIBLE)  I HAVE been a Personal Attendant and I LOVED every minute of it!  I met my friend at the hair salon at 7:30 am and helped her and her bridesmaids (And groom and groomsmen) get ready.  I also helped pin flowers, helped FOG with his tux because something on it broke and I had to safey pin it so it would stay on him, held the rings until right before the ceremony and then gave them to the BM, I cued people when to walk down the aisle, etc, etc, etc.  Now to most people this is bitch work and they would NOT want to do this.  However, I am a strange person I guess because I really did enjoy it and being an important part of her special day.  I didn't feel like I missed out on ANYTHING.  They saved me a seat at the front of the church so I got to see the entire ceremony and got to ride in the party bus to the reception site with them.  Not everyone desipes the role.  (If you are going to ask someone to do this you MUST know them VERY well and know that they will not be offended.)
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  • You guys are so intense!
  • That's what we do--sit around all day being intense :)  
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
  • I guess so.... I'm new to using these boards and was just asking a question. No need for an argument.
  • You're the one who argued when you got responses you didn't like.  
    Courtesy of megk8oz
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
  • I was very honored to be a personal attendant for a college friend's wedding. I wasn't a slave. I hung out with the ladies while they got their hair done. I kept the bride calm. I got to watch their family pictures. I had a great time! I was able to spend a ton of time with the bride and her sisters. This would not have been possible as a "regular" guest of the wedding. 
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    LindsayJosh1205
  • Ok, I read the like.  It still sounds like Day of Coordinator or servent to me.  And whoever wrote that article sounds like she was trying to justify to the readers how important and honored she was.  It really didn't ring true. 
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  • In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Gifts vs. Personal Attendant Gifts:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Gifts vs. Personal Attendant Gifts : So what exactly did you do that the bridesmaids in the WP didn't get to do?  All the things you mentioned are what I think a BM typically does.  So what's the point of a PA then?
    Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]


    My college friend had her sisters (five) as her bridesmaids.  I live in NC and the wedding was in Iowa.  As a PA and not a BM I didn't not help with any of the pre-wedding setup.  Again, I loved being a PA b/c I got to spend time with the bride.
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  • I have to echo the majority.

    I understand that there are some people who feel differently but the important thing is to tread really lightly when you do something like this.  Some people may interpret what you think is an honor as being 'not good enough to be a BM'.


  • Wow. I can't believe the amount of hostility towards this 'position'! In every wedding I have been to there is traditionally a personal attendant, and people feel honored to be included, much like previous posters have said. It isn't that they didn't 'make the cut' or are doing grunt work...I actually won't have my girls doing much of anything, but I wanted to include them. Having 6-7 bridesmaids wasn't in the plan for us though, so I included them this way. Don't hate just because it's different than what you know. Geez.

    (I know this thread is a little old, but it annoyed me so much that I HAD to respond!!)
    Soon2beMrsHankenHuntersWife3Knottie1443734160
  • Little late to the "party" (if this thread can be called that - more like an alley-fight?) but I am in MN as well and at least in my family, it's always been an honored, enjoyable position. Maybe in NYC/CA you get some real bridezillas that view the position as 'slave/servant,' but in my experience it's a way to include a treasured family member or confidant that perhaps wouldn't "fit" the traditional bridesmaid age range.

    For me, my older cousin (17 years older than me) is my godmother and I really wanted her involved in the wedding, but I knew she didn't want to be a bridesmaid. So I asked her to be my PA and she was really excited about it!

    And in terms of the workload... maybe I'm just "easy-going," but the only thing she's really done is come to the fittings so far. She got instructions on how to bustle my dress, but other than that she's basically just gonna hang out with us all day (and maybe throw a few tampons in her purse in case I need them!)

    All the responses above seem downright bitchy and catty to me, and it's really a bummer, because everyone in my family really seems to dig the "insider" position in the wedding without all the demands of being a bridesmaid. :)
    squishykeg21Knottie1462042216
  • Did this one make it into the newsletter or something?
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    grumbledoreashley8918
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
     
    Little late to the "party" (if this thread can be called that - more like an alley-fight?) but I am in MN as well and at least in my family, it's always been an honored, enjoyable position. Maybe in NYC/CA you get some real bridezillas that view the position as 'slave/servant,' but in my experience it's a way to include a treasured family member or confidant that perhaps wouldn't "fit" the traditional bridesmaid age range.

    For me, my older cousin (17 years older than me) is my godmother and I really wanted her involved in the wedding, but I knew she didn't want to be a bridesmaid. So I asked her to be my PA and she was really excited about it!

    And in terms of the workload... maybe I'm just "easy-going," but the only thing she's really done is come to the fittings so far. She got instructions on how to bustle my dress, but other than that she's basically just gonna hang out with us all day (and maybe throw a few tampons in her purse in case I need them!)

    All the responses above seem downright bitchy and catty to me, and it's really a bummer, because everyone in my family really seems to dig the "insider" position in the wedding without all the demands of being a bridesmaid. :)
    No, us brides in NYC hire DOC. We don't expect our loves ones to have to work our weddings. They are there as guests, and that's all.

    JCbride2015Kauris
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