Future mother-in-law drama

Re: Future mother-in-law drama

• MMRoberts11 member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  I would just be honest and say you do not want young children there.  You'd rather have the adults have fun than worrying about where there kids are.

  

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• Meegles4 member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  I agree with PP....you'll just have to be honest. You're right that she may not like it, but if it's something you feel strongly about, you'll just have to stand your ground.
  
  I'd also warn you that the opinions will continue to come, and it really doesn't matter who's paying for the wedding, people will share them anyway. You have to learn to let them roll off your back, but I know that's really hard (I'm not so good at it!)
  
  FI and I joke that the wedding becomes less and less "ours" with each passing week, and honestly, after even 6 months of planning, there are things I wish I'd handled differently and it's too late to fix. You just have to think about your non-negotiables and go from there. Weddings really are about compromises, whether you're paying for the entire thing or not one cent.

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• db1985 member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  I totally understand where you are coming from, not wanting young kids running around.  I do think you need to have a clear cut off though.  No kids that are not in the wedding party (it sounds like all 3 are?), No kids that are not immediate family or no kids under age x.  Some people get kinda weird when it comes to bringing kids to things and will ask why your 11 year old cousin can come but they cannot bring theirs, so be prepared! (ours will be kids who are family only, we have a few younger cousins, so we are inviting them, but none of our friends' kids)

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• emarston1 member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  YOU shouldn't do anything.  Your fiance should be having this discussion with his mother AND his sister.  He needs to put the word out early that his niece is not invited.  He needs to be firm but also be aware that this could cause a lot of drama.  Not saying you should invite the niece but expect some hurt feelings.
  
  You should be left out of the discussion entirely as I subscribe to the "blood talks to blood" theory when it comes to complicated wedding stuff.

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• matuofm member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  Agreed with the above, and I would also add:
  
  Your statement makes it sounds like you feel like you have to sit down FMIL and tell her that little Dakota isn't invited.  That just doesn't seem necessary to me.  You'll send out the invites, and Dakota's name won't be on her mom's.  If SIL asks about it or mentions bringing her, you say that it's an adult, evening event.  If FMIL mentions something before the invites go out, you say the same thing to her.  But to sit her down and inform her that this will be happening seems to me to be making it into an issue and inviting her to discuss it with you, which seems to be exactly what you are hoping to avoid.

  

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• sparkles776 member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  Completely agree with PP's, but you and your FI need to be on the same page.
  Personally, if I told my FI that I didnt want his nephew there, he would probably be pretty upset, especially since there were going to be cousins invited but not his and your future nephew. Plus there is no way that my FMIL would be okay with it either.
  
  If you and your FI are on the same page about the nephew not coming, let FI talk to his mother and sister about it. Good luck!
  

  

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• Bobsgrl

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  I think we (all the brides and grooms) need to keep in mind that yes the wedding is supposed to be OUR wedding.....but......... All the 'helpful' suggestions, ideas, etc we have to endure from our parents and future in-laws are just part of the process. Yes the wedding / marriage is all about us. The reception is a chance for our families to celebrate the newest stage in the lives of their children. As much as we would like to think the day is all about us.......reality is it is also about our parents and the new stages in their life too! My parents are great and yes...they are getting on my nerves too, but I remember how happy they were when my sister got married and they had a blast at the reception with all the family and friends. They are paying for the wedding, as they did for my sister, and bottom line they are entitled to have their say. I listen to what they have to say....agree with some of the ideas....not with all the ideas. I know they are happy for me, they love me, and in the end the reception will be an event that comes about with a lot of compriimise and give and take. I want to have a day that is wonderful for all involved....no hard feelings or resentment and a fun filled reception. I am sure all us Knoties will continue to vent on TK.....thank goodness for TK!....but when we step back and realize the day is not really all about us and allow family to be considered.......we will end up with a wonderful, fantastic event with memories to treasure forever by all involved!!

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• MrsGlitteryHooks

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  Nestie butting in here:::
  
  Did I read that correctly? Dakota will by your nephew?
  
  Regardless if you give a crap about his mother (your future SIL) is not inviting your future nephew a battle you really want to fight? A wedding is a union of two lives into one and a union of two families- are you really not inviting your nieces and nephews?
  
  Speaking as someone who's been married 4 years and lived through a lot of my own and my friends drama with future in laws,  you have to pick your battles wisely. Past experience tells me that kid will be at the ceremony and they will likely find a sitter for the evening so that everyone can party with our without his name on the invite envelope.

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• mcven528

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  I don't have any neices or nephews to invite... My Fi agrees that he does not want young kids like that being at the wedding because he knows that his mom will end up watching him and not being able to enjoy her self as much. Yes I know I can talk to his sister about it, but anytime we have had a party or a gathering I have told her that and it doesn't matter, she doesn't watch her kid. Also having to pay for  a plate where he will take two bites out of it is kind of a waste of money to me!

  

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• Meegles4 member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_future-mother-law-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:09b791b9-adbe-4273-a0a0-9502989da59ePost:34dfd15d-0af8-45d5-89fa-a2b5ee2776fb">Re: Future mother-in-law drama</a>:
  [QUOTE]<strong>I don't have any neices or nephews to invite</strong>... My Fi agrees that he does not want young kids like that being at the wedding because he knows that his mom will end up watching him and not being able to enjoy her self as much. Yes I know I can talk to his sister about it, but anytime we have had a party or a gathering I have told her that and it doesn't matter, she doesn't watch her kid. Also having to pay for  a plate where he will take two bites out of it is kind of a waste of money to me!
  Posted by mcven528[/QUOTE]
  
  But you do. By marrying your FI, his nieces/nephews become yours as well. If this child is your FI's sister's son, then it's his nephew and will be yours as soon as you say "I Do".
  
  I'm completely with you on the no children rule -- in fact I had to tell a bridesmaid her two children weren't invited when she asked. But, we are making an exception for FI's niece and 2 nephews. They are immediate family.
  
  If the nephew is 4, likely he will come for dinner and then his mother or someone else will take him home so it's not like he'll be there all night. Also, I'm sure you can arrange to have a kid's meal prepared for him for a lower cost than what you are serving everyone else.
  
  If this was any other child, I'd fight the battle. But, since this is family, I personally wouldn't.

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• jolla92126 member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_future-mother-law-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:09b791b9-adbe-4273-a0a0-9502989da59ePost:0768fea3-e96f-412d-be15-762be1fc6018">Re: Future mother-in-law drama</a>:
  [QUOTE]But, we are making an exception for FI's niece and 2 nephews. They are immediate family.
  Posted by Meegles4[/QUOTE]
  Nieces and nephews are not immediate family. By definition, immediate family is your parents, siblings, or children.

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• mcven528

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  I agree!

  

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