I would like to have a unity candle during our ceremony and, sepcifically, I'd really love to have the mothers come up and light the candles used to light the unity candle. I think it's a beautiful gesture and I really have been wanting to have my family involved in the ceremony. It's a small wedding so I think it's a really personal touch to give all of the family a special role.
The issue is that I'm not sure how to do this for my side. My father married my stepmother when I was 14, but even though I was so old at the time it's still like she raised me. She's a great woman who's even adopted my younger sister into her household even though my dad is not her father. I have the utmost love and respect for my stepmother and want her involved in every way possible.
Then, there's my mother. This relationship is strained, to say the least. We rarely talk, I moved out at 15 years old. My mother didn't even tell me she was engaged (4th time) to her current fiance, I found out from somebody else even though they'd been engaged for 4 months and had told everyone else. I barely even want to invite her, let alone have her participate. But, she's still my mom. I can't think of any way that asking my stepmom and not my mom to participate in the unity candle tradition could end without drama.
So the question is -- what are your suggestions? Any creative ideas for involving both of them? Any ideas for an additional element to add to the ceremony so that both my stepmom and my mom have a way to participate?
Thanks!