MOH problems

Re: MOH problems

• NicoleBreeze2013 member

  

  April 2012

  That's a tough one... I'd try and give her another go or just do what I asked mine, do you HONESTLY want to be my MOH then leave it at that

  Report0 Reply
• Annas2013 member

  

  April 2012

  Don't drop her unless you're okay with not having a friendship anymore.  That is a friendship ending move right there.  I'd say give her another chance.  You may not know the inner dynamics of her relationship with that man, so you can't hold it against her.  I'd say just pick out the dress you like, tell her what color to get it in, and when to order it by.  There's not much else you really can do.

  

  Report0 Reply
• MairePoppy mod

  

  April 2012

  Is she the only one in your wedding party? If she is, then she can just go to any department store and buy a dress, so there's no need to order one. And it will probably be less expensive.
  
  The only real duties of the MOH are to buy the dress and show up on time for the ceremony. So, if she doesn't buy the dress, she really is taking herself out of the wedding.
  

                     

  Report0 Reply
• zitiqueen member

  

  April 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-problems-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:82dde117-1798-4471-850d-895b10ce4f32Post:3f353da6-88e6-47a2-9ac2-dfbf26a06266">MOH problems</a>:
  [QUOTE]     I need some advice!! To start, when I got engaged over a year ago I had asked one of my friends to be my MOH and her life got too busy in which she informed me she had to drop out of the MOH position. I told her that I understood why and that it's not a problem.....so then I went to the next person I had in mind to ask her and also explained to her that I'm not requiring her to drop everything that she has going on in her life but there would be some times I would want/need her to do things with me and that I was willing to work with her because she's going to school. She excepted the MOH position and told me she was willing to do anything I needed, she has gone to a couple of bridal fairs with me and that's about all (not complaining about that).      I told her that I was willing to purchase her dress and all the rest was up to her to buy. A few months ago we went shopping for a dress for her to wear and ended up not picking anything out, so I asked the store when would be the latest date to find and order a dress which they told me at least 3 months. I informed her of that and how I wanted to get it ordered by the 4 month mark to insure it got in on time. Now that I'm down to 4 months to go and counting, I asked her last week when would be the best day/time for her to go get a dress picked out so I could make the appointment. So I went ahead and made the appointment according to the day/time she gave me which was today (4/19 at 11am) and I kept reminding her plus she kept asking me as a reminder. Well today at 10:30am I called to see if she was on her way and she said she forgot about the appointment and that she was at her daughters fathers house (w/o her daughter) and said she couldn't make the appointment and basically blew me off for a man who treats her and her daughter really bad. Yeah it made me mad because if she would have left at that point of time she still would have made it to the appointment. Oh and also those couple of times she went with me to the bridal fairs we had to rush because this same man told her that he would only keep their kid for an hour because he had things to do (aka get drunk).      Now here is where I need advise...should I tell her (a) look I have gave you 2 chances for me to buy you a dress here's the style # I picked out if you still want to be my MOH get it in ___ color and it cost $___ amount go buy it, (b) just tell her that it's just not working out and I'm dropping her as a MOH and finding someone else or (c) try and give her a 3rd chance      Sorry this ended up being so long!!!
  Posted by deesterly95[/QUOTE]

  Report0 Reply
• deesterly95 member

  

  April 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-problems-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:82dde117-1798-4471-850d-895b10ce4f32Post:19a58c56-fe27-4d17-873c-fda4cea98d22">Re: MOH problems</a>:
  [QUOTE]Is she the only one in your wedding party? If she is, then she can just go to any department store and buy a dress, so there's no need to order one. And it will probably be less expensive. The only real duties of the MOH are to buy the dress and show up on time for the ceremony. So, if she doesn't buy the dress, she really is taking herself out of the wedding.
  Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>
  </div><div>     Yes she's the only one in the wedding party and yes the dress has to be ordered. I have spent a lot of time checking every store and searching the internet for a cheaper dress but nobody carries the color horizon and the only color that comes close to it would be royal blue. One of the reasons I was going to purchase the dress! The one I picked out to be ordered is the cheapest I could find around.</div><div>
  </div><div>     As far as MOH duties...there's more to it then just buying a dress and showing up. I had sent her links to show what all was involved so she would know before she even agreed to taking the MOH duties and like I said before in my original post,<font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:12px;"> "I </span></font><span style="background-color:#ffffff;font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;">also explained to her that I'm not requiring her to drop everything that she has going on in her life but there would be some times I would want/need her to do things with me and that I was willing to work with her because she's going to school. She excepted the MOH position and told me she was willing to do anything I needed.</span></div><div><span style="background-color:#ffffff;font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;">
  </span></div><div><a href="http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/bridesmaids/articles/maid-of-honor-duties-in-detail.aspx">http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/bridesmaids/articles/maid-of-honor-duties-in-detail.aspx</a> </div><div>
  </div><div><a href="http://www.bridesmaid101.com/maid_of_honor_duties.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.bridesmaid101.com/maid_of_honor_duties.html</a> </div><div>
  </div><div>     I don't think it's too much to ask her to go try on a dress that she's going to be wearing especially when I was going to pay for it and it was the day/time she picked out!!</div>

  Report0 Reply
• ilovmike member

  

  April 2012 edited April 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-problems-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:82dde117-1798-4471-850d-895b10ce4f32Post:97050cfb-22da-4783-b1fd-884439da24e4">Re: MOH problems</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH problems :      Yes she's the only one in the wedding party and yes the dress has to be ordered. I have spent a lot of time checking every store and searching the internet for a cheaper dress but nobody carries the color horizon and the only color that comes close to it would be royal blue. One of the reasons I was going to purchase the dress! The one I picked out to be ordered is the cheapest I could find around.      As far as MOH duties...there's more to it then just buying a dress and showing up. I had sent her links to show what all was involved so she would know before she even agreed to taking the MOH duties and like I said before in my original post,  "I  also explained to her that I'm not requiring her to drop everything that she has going on in her life but there would be some times I would want/need her to do things with me and that I was willing to work with her because she's going to school. She excepted the MOH position and told me she was willing to do anything I needed. <a href="http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/bridesmaids/articles/maid-of-honor-duties-in-detail.aspx">http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/bridesmaids/articles/maid-of-honor-duties-in-detail.aspx</a> <a href="http://www.bridesmaid101.com/maid_of_honor_duties.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.bridesmaid101.com/maid_of_honor_duties.html</a>      I don't think it's too much to ask her to go try on a dress that she's going to be wearing especially when I was going to pay for it and it was the day/time she picked out!!
  Posted by deesterly95[/QUOTE]
  
  
  Wow, now I know why it's called MAID of honor.
      Those rules went out the window 50 years ago.
  
  I  think all she needs to do is buy the dress and show up.

  Report0 Reply
• Viczaesar member

  

  April 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-problems-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:82dde117-1798-4471-850d-895b10ce4f32Post:97050cfb-22da-4783-b1fd-884439da24e4">Re: MOH problems</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH problems :      Yes she's the only one in the wedding party and yes the dress has to be ordered. I have spent a lot of time checking every store and searching the internet for a cheaper dress but nobody carries the color horizon and the only color that comes close to it would be royal blue. One of the reasons I was going to purchase the dress! The one I picked out to be ordered is the cheapest I could find around.      <strong>As far as MOH duties...there's more to it then just buying a dress and showing up. </strong>I had sent her links to show what all was involved so she would know before she even agreed to taking the MOH duties and like I said before in my original post,  "I  also explained to her that I'm not requiring her to drop everything that she has going on in her life but there would be some times I would want/need her to do things with me and that I was willing to work with her because she's going to school. She excepted the MOH position and told me she was willing to do anything I needed. <a href="http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/bridesmaids/articles/maid-of-honor-duties-in-detail.aspx">http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/bridesmaids/articles/maid-of-honor-duties-in-detail.aspx</a> <a href="http://www.bridesmaid101.com/maid_of_honor_duties.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.bridesmaid101.com/maid_of_honor_duties.html</a>      I don't think it's too much to ask her to go try on a dress that she's going to be wearing especially when I was going to pay for it and it was the day/time she picked out!!
  Posted by deesterly95[/QUOTE]
  No, there isn't, and you were wrong to give her a list of things you expected her to do as your MOH.  You were also wrong to replace your first MOH, and you're REALLY wrong to be considering replacing this one.  These are not props, they're supposed to be your closest friends.

  
  
  
  

  Report0 Reply
• deesterly95 member

  

  April 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-problems-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:82dde117-1798-4471-850d-895b10ce4f32Post:d4ab8877-8f1d-4043-a69a-2e392c13641d">Re: MOH problems</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH problems : No, there isn't, and you were wrong to give her a list of things you expected her to do as your MOH.  You were also wrong to replace your first MOH, and you're REALLY wrong to be considering replacing this one.  These are not props, they're supposed to be your closest friends.
  Posted by Viczaesar[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>     The first MOH was NOT replaced because I wanted to, if you read the post she opted out on her own!!! </div><div>
  </div><div>      The second MOH asked me for details on what her duties are and I gave her a couple of web sites to look at and told her she wasn't required to do everything listed!!!</div>

  Report0 Reply
• MairePoppy mod

  

  April 2012 edited April 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-problems-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:82dde117-1798-4471-850d-895b10ce4f32Post:97050cfb-22da-4783-b1fd-884439da24e4">Re: MOH problems</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH problems :      Yes she's the only one in the wedding party and yes the dress has to be ordered. I have spent a lot of time checking every store and searching the internet for a cheaper dress but nobody carries the color horizon and the only color that comes close to it would be royal blue. One of the reasons I was going to purchase the dress! The one I picked out to be ordered is the cheapest I could find around.      As far as MOH duties...there's more to it then just buying a dress and showing up. I had sent her links to show what all was involved so she would know before she even agreed to taking the MOH duties and like I said before in my original post,  "I  also explained to her that I'm not requiring her to drop everything that she has going on in her life but there would be some times I would want/need her to do things with me and that I was willing to work with her because she's going to school. She excepted the MOH position and told me she was willing to do anything I needed. <a href="http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/bridesmaids/articles/maid-of-honor-duties-in-detail.aspx">http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/bridesmaids/articles/maid-of-honor-duties-in-detail.aspx</a> <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.bridesmaid101.com/maid_of_honor_duties.html">http://www.bridesmaid101.com/maid_of_honor_duties.html</a>      I don't think it's too much to ask her to go try on a dress that she's going to be wearing especially when I was going to pay for it and it was the day/time she picked out!!
  Posted by deesterly95[/QUOTE]
  
  I agree that it's not too much to ask your MOH to shop for her dress. That and showing up on time for the ceremony, sober, are her only duties. If she can't fulfill them, she will be removing herself from the wedding party. Call her up, let her know that it's getting down to the wire for ordering a dress and ask her what day she is available. If she can't do that, tell her she is welcome to attend as a guest because the most important thing to you is that she is there.
  
  All the other stuff is nonsense. Look at those websites that you have referenced, including The Knot. They make their money by selling advertisements to folks in the wedding industry. They will tell you that your BM needs a horizon blue bm dress, matching jewelry, dyed shoes just like the ones that are  made by their advertisers. The bride should buy monogrammed purses, totes, flasks, t-shirts, journals as gifts for the bms.The guest book and pen set, cocktail napkins and favor boxes should all match identically with the bm attire. Someone  should buy the bride a wedding planner, matching garter, toasting flutes, unity candle set,  lingerie. And of course, the more people you can get to attend those bridal fairs with you, the more possible customers for those vendors. Those are the people who have made up that list of duties for the MOH, parents, groom, bride etc...Do you think they have ulterior motives?
  
  By the way, what's the difference between horizon and royal blue? They are just names made up by the various manufacturers for the same or very similar colors.

                     

  Report0 Reply
• chrryblndchick

  

  April 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-problems-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:82dde117-1798-4471-850d-895b10ce4f32Post:a4431b86-e4ea-460a-a5bb-4c61c65e7422">Re: MOH problems</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH problems :      The first MOH was NOT replaced because I wanted to, if you read the post she opted out on her own!!!        The second MOH asked me for details on what her duties are and I gave her a couple of web sites to look at and told her she wasn't required to do everything listed!!!
  Posted by deesterly95[/QUOTE]
  
  Just because she decided to step down for her own personal reasons does not mean you get to replace her. By replacing her you essentially told your first MOH that she WAS replaceable and only a prop. And by asking this other girl to step in you told her she wasn't good enough to be MOH the first time around, but now that you need someone to fill the spot she'll do. Congrats, you've insulted both friends in one shot.
  
  I know the posters have said this already, but the ONLY thing required by your MOH or any other BM is to show up on time, sober, and in the dress you picked out. That's it. Doesn't have the time or money for a shower or bach party? You don't get one. And she is in no way required to help you with decorations, favors, or anything else the wedding industry has led you to believe she needs to do, it is up to your FI to help. Not her.
  
  The stuff with her daughter's father sounds awful for her, even borderline abusive. You should be more concerned about her and her well being than about if she misses a dress appointment or cuts early a bridal show, which she is not required to go to with you.
  
  Also, since you are paying for the dress anyway, why don't you just buy it?

  Report0 Reply