Gift Card showers?

lilfoot610 · January 2011

What is everyones opinions on gift card showers? My bridesmaid wants to host the couples shower -- but we really already have everything we need for the house. We really just need money towards the honeymoon. is this a rude way to go about it? It's all of our close friends.

lilfoot610 · January 2011

I've been invited to gift card showers before and I thought it was very smart. We all knew they were doing work to their house to get it ready for after the wedding.

trix1223 · January 2011

Sorry, but II would decline the invitation to a gc "shower". If you don't need tangible (translate boxed gifts), decline the shower.

GCs is just another way to ask for cash. Showers are, IMO, for tangible gifts.

sister2groom · January 2011

I would find it very rude to be invited to a GC shower and would certainly not attend. I don't like showers where any part of my gift is dictated (unless it's of very little monetary value, like a photo or recipe), and I find asking for GC pretty greedy. You can't have a shower if you don't want physical gifts.

MairePoppy · January 2011

This is the same as asking for money. If you have everything you need, don't have a shower.

Manwaithiel · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_gift-card-showers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:8c08ff47-e579-486e-8b18-e567e70cce14Post:9a60ef33-667e-4f16-8f0a-35129facac99">Re: Gift Card showers?</a>:
[QUOTE]I"ve been to several showers where on the invite they will say something like, "ms x is registered at crate and barrell and also at lowes where she looks foward to purchasing new applinaces for her home from" just because you have all the blenders/food processors/etc you need doesn't mean you don't "deserve" a shower. not all of us want fancy china and some of us believe registering for these things is also asking for gifts just in the same way asking for contributions towards larger expenses are asking for gifts. if you are really believe no one should "ask for gifts" then no one should have showers if you also believe showers are to be "showered with gifts" i would personally love to be invited to a so called "gift card" shower as I would love to know if I am going to spend money it will be on something the couple will really appreciate...not another six slice toaster!
Posted by mege913[/QUOTE]

I think you're confused.

Registries are lists of things the bride and groom would like. No one is required to use them and no one HAS to get them a gift. You're also not supposed to throw the registries at people's faces. They're all searchable by the internet and people are smart enough to look for them.

However, going around ASKING for money or gifts is just rude. Specifying exactly the type of gifts you're expecting at your shower/wedding/etc. is rude. You're making it "wrong" for someone to show up to the shower with a tangible gift. If people are bringing you gifts, they should be able to choose whatever they want to bring you. Registries are just helpful because you can guarantee that your gift will be wanted and used. But you could just as easily show up with rooster salt and pepper shakers or something and there would be nothing wrong with that. Even if it is a tacky gift.

So there is a difference.

mege913 · January 2011

Oh, I'm not confused. PP have mentioned that the purpose of a wedding shower is to "shower" the person with gifts. I'm simply stating that a gift does not have to be a blender or other small household item. Gifts can be large or small, gifts can be in the form of money, gift card (hence the word "gift" in the title), or whatever else the guest would like to "shower" the bride with. Also, just because people can search for your registry doesn't mean they should have to. Announcing where you are registered either by word of mouth or by a sentence on an invite is very considerate. Keep in mind, some guests will be older and may not frequently use computers to search for registries. So no, I'm not confused.
Also, for the posters who believe asking for gifts is rude, please look into the actual origin of bridal showers for further understanding of why they are an event in which guests are absolutely expected to provide some form of a gift. If you still find this to be rude, I would expect that none of you would be having bridal showers. And that probably isn't the case, is it?
Please, if you need money towards a honeymoon, your wedding, a home purchase, if you need appliances, blenders, toasters, or if you need frilly underwear and sexy nightgowns, whatever it is you need, please register for it or ask for it or smile when you unexpectedly open it, and don't for a second feel like miss manners is frowning upon you!

banana468 · January 2011

Meg, have you ever READ an etiquette book??

mege913 · January 2011

Banana, could i borrow yours?!

Guys, its 2011, fathers aren't paying for weddings anymore, people live together before marriage, and now more than ever we understand that sometimes money (especially towards something like a honeymoon where you make memories that last forever) goes further than so called tangible gifts.
Lighten up girls, if this girl wants money, and if she wants to ask for it, she should. And no one should stand in judgement of her as no one has walked in her shoes.

banana468 · January 2011

You're confusing tradition and etiquette. If you'd like I can send you that book. You're advising the OP to do some very inappropriate things. Modern times DO NOT mean that etiquette has progressed to a point where it ceases to exist.

mege913 · January 2011

I still don't feel confused and I'm totally not saying she shouldn't utilize tact. But it is very commonplace for money to serve as a gift and I have never once felt offended when asked for gift cards or money to be given as a gift. I love giving people what they want and need, not what is mandated by antiquated etiquette. You will note that etiquette can vary from circle to circle and in my circle, asking for what you really need/want is certainly acceptable.
This board is for the sharing of opinion, the OP asked for opinion, and in my opinion, the OP can certainly request gift cards be given provided that she makes use of tact in doing so.

Manwaithiel · January 2011

We're not saying showers aren't for gifts. We're saying it's rude to ask for cash or money in any form. ANY.

And tradition does not equal etiquette.

Tradition: Doing things a certain way simply because it is usually done in this way, with no relevance to manners or courtesy.

Etiquette: Code of manners and behaviors that are considered polite.

They are not the same thing. Your comparison is irrelevant.

mege913 · January 2011

Now what I've done here is searched for these words on dictionary.com to provide the standard definitions for them.
Manners: the prevailing customs, ways of living, and habits of a people, class, period, etc.; mores
Tradition: the handing down of statements, beliefs, legends, customs, information, etc., from generation to generation, esp. by word of mouth or by practice
Etiquette: conventional requirements as to social behavior; proprieties of conduct as established in any class or community or for any occasion.

Please note that both manners and traditions refer to customary behaviors while etiquette refers to how things should be done according to community. Which I made clear that etiquette can vary from community to community.
Please note that I mentioned the tradition of bridal showers so people might look it up and understand that the custom came from giving money to brides.
While I do understand that there are differences between the three terms, all three are valuable to consider when exploring this topic.
Now, I will provide you with the dictionary.com definition of opinion
Opinion: 1. a belief or judgment that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty; 2. a personal view, attitude, or appraisal.

The OP asked for opinion, it is what I gave. If you do not feel my opinion is "correct", that is your opinion, and while it is valuable, it is unessecary in this setting as it is not what the OP asked for. If you feel that my opinions are so out of line with what is proper and correct, please PM me and I will provide you with access to my guest list and you can then plan my wedding and all gift giving occassions that surround it. It would be nice to have a personal wedding planner and etiquette consultant free of charge!

mege913 · January 2011

Oh and to stand by my previous post, this board is not the place to hash out the differences between standards of etiquette, so I will have to refrain from posting about this any more on this board (as hard as it will be), but please feel free to PM me to carry on the discussion.

Manwaithiel · January 2011

Meg, you are not the moderator of this board. If the mod feels like locking the thread for being irrelevant to its purpose, then she will do it. You can just sit back and relax.

You also don't get to engage us in this discussion and then be like "This isn't the place for this, stop it now!" It's like a small child harrassing someone to death and then running to hide when they're about to get smacked. I don't know why you think it's your place to tell us what to talk about.

Now then, your little definition did more to harm your argument than anything else. You conveniently decided to leave out the part where it says "conduct established...for any occasion." The occasion here being gift giving events. And etiquette for these occassions is pretty much standard. It's not polite to ask for money. It's not. I don't care what you say. You don't get to dictate what kind of gifts you get. Showers are INDEED gift giving events and I haven't the faintest idea why you keep stating that as no one is questioning it. The POINT that I will state AGAIN since you seem to keep missing it is you don't get to specify the type of gift you get. That defeats the whole purpose of a gift. When someone gives you something, you graciously accept whatever they give you. You don't try and manipulate their decision. Especially by trying to ask for money in an underhanded way like that. It's just RUDE. I don't know anyone who would say "Dictating the things you should be given as a gift is perfectly fine." I don't know why you seem to ascribe to that belief. Unless you're just a rude person. I have no idea.

You don't require certain gifts like that. You don't do it for Christmas. You don't do it for birthdays. You don't do it for any other gift giving event. You just don't. I don't know why you think that's okay.

And I don't need to be in the OP's shoes to need money. Everyone needs money unless you're Bill Gates. And everyone knows this. You don't need to go around asking for it for people to give it to you at weddings/Christmas/birthdays. I inevitably get money at all of these without saying "I will only accept monetary gifts." Hmmm, I wonder how everyone knows I need it?

mege913 · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_gift-card-showers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:8c08ff47-e579-486e-8b18-e567e70cce14Post:f97869cb-4dba-4812-b98b-49106ab95ccb">Re: Gift Card showers?</a>:
[QUOTE]Meg, you are not the moderator of this board. If the mod feels like locking the thread for being irrelevant to its purpose, then she will do it. You can just sit back and relax. You also don't get to engage us in this discussion and then be like "This isn't the place for this, stop it now!" It's like a small child harrassing someone to death and then running to hide when they're about to get smacked. I don't know why you think it's your place to tell us what to talk about. Now then, your little definition did more to harm your argument than anything else. You conveniently decided to leave out the part where it says "conduct established...for any occasion." The occasion here being gift giving events. And etiquette for these occassions is pretty much standard. It's not polite to ask for money. It's not. I don't care what you say. You don't get to dictate what kind of gifts you get. Showers are INDEED gift giving events and I haven't the faintest idea why you keep stating that as no one is questioning it. The POINT that I will state AGAIN since you seem to keep missing it is you don't get to specify the type of gift you get. That defeats the whole purpose of a gift. When someone gives you something, you graciously accept whatever they give you. You don't try and manipulate their decision. Especially by trying to ask for money in an underhanded way like that. It's just RUDE. I don't know anyone who would say "Dictating the things you should be given as a gift is perfectly fine." I don't know why you seem to ascribe to that belief. Unless you're just a rude person. I have no idea. You don't require certain gifts like that. You don't do it for Christmas. You don't do it for birthdays. You don't do it for any other gift giving event. You just don't. I don't know why you think that's okay. And I don't need to be in the OP's shoes to need money. Everyone needs money unless you're Bill Gates. And everyone knows this. You don't need to go around asking for it for people to give it to you at weddings/Christmas/birthdays. I inevitably get money at all of these without saying "I will only accept monetary gifts." Hmmm, I wonder how everyone knows I need it?
Posted by Manwaithiel[/QUOTE]

I take that to mean you did not register for certain gifts at certain stores? That would be very rude by your own standards if you did!
And let me make it perfectly clear that by no means do I think it is ok to say to everyone you encounter, "Hey I want money for my wedding/bridal shower/whatever!" As someone seemed to think I meant earlier, it is not ok to "throw it in people's faces." All that I am saying, I will repeat for you, is that I personally believe it is ok for whomever is hosting your shower to spread the word whether it be on the invite or some other way that the bride would appreciate cash in lieu of gifts. I am not saying to walk around with a can trying to collect change. I am not saying that being rude is acceptable in any circle. However, that being said, I know many people having "greenback" showers and not a single person I have encountered in my area finds this to be unacceptable. I am not saying that that is true in every social circle, but where I am it is acceptable to let it be known that money is an acceptable gift. I do not know why this is any more "rude" than registering for specific gifts.
Additionally, I did not intentionally leave out any part of any definition to further my argument...in fact, I believe the piece you included does not enhance nor dissuade from my argument.
Now as far as your passive aggressive comments about a small child about to be smacked and my "little" definintions...there is a line between sarcasm and snarky, between witty and rude, and I would caution you to examine it because through type not voice you come off as snarky and rude and while I"m sure I do too, you are the one overwhelmingly concerned with doing what is socially acceptable and right and not rude where as am I am simply the little child running away before i get smacked! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-innocent.gif" border="0" alt="Innocent" title="Innocent" />

mege913 · January 2011

And hey, I did put for any occasion in that definition!!

mege913 · January 2011

Though I did not say a registry and asking for money were one in the same, I was unaware that the sole purpose of a registry was to avoid guests feeling embarassed. However, I can assure you no one has ever felt embarassed because someone got two identical hundred dollar bills!!! Cash, the original embarassment free gift! C'mon, laugh, you know you want to.

And to whoever is about to say it, yes i totally have nothing better to do tonight than hang out on this board...

mege913 · January 2011

Hey, lighten up. In no circumstance is it ok to beg for cash, got it. Not what I was saying, but you have all made it out like I did, so ok it is what it is.

mege913 · January 2011

Retread I also just wanted to post here the requirements for moderators...

In order to become a volunteer moderator, you must:
*Be an experienced poster. Nope, you don't need all the blue balls (your words, not mine), but you do need to be a regular poster who spends a few hours on the boards each week.
*Have a strong interest in the board you want to moderate. Don't live in Seattle? We probably won't make you the Seattle board moderator.
*Plan to stick around. We'll need the volunteers to commit to a few hours a week of reading and posting.
*Be accepting of other's beliefs -- even when they're seriously wrong.

Please note that last requirement and think about whether or not it is being followed in these posts. Thanks!

Kristin789 · January 2011

Shower and Wedding gifts are supposed to be wonderful and heartfelt and long-lasting, mirroring the giver's fervent hope that the couple's marriage be wonderful and heartfelt and long-lasting.

By inviting these people to your wedding, you've asked your friends and family to be witnesses to your wedding ceremony, and as witnesses, those people are mentors for your marriage. Their gifts represent their acceptance of your request for their mentorship, and their gifts represent their presence in your lives and hearts forever.

When you see/use these gifts, you are reminded that you have a circle of people around you as a couple, people who you can call on, people who have pledged their support of you two as a couple. The following ideas do not match with what a shower or wedding gift is supposed to represent, and in fact, just demand that people give you money instead of a wedding gift: a downpayment registry, a honeymoon registry, a “donation” to your fav charity, a money dance, a money tree, a greenback wedding or shower (where the guests bring cash), a plastic wedding or shower (where the guests bring gift cards), or an outright request for cash.

Gift Card showers?

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