October 2012 Weddings

Help!!

Okay, not to give you all my life story, but my dad and I are not close, at all.  That being said, I made it clear to my dad when I got engaged that he would not be walking me down the isle (my FI and I are walking each other down the isle). However my dad is ordained (sp?) so he offered to marry us and we agreed (it's free and we're on a budget, Plus I thought it would be a nice way to not kick him out of the wedding entirely). We had put on our invitations that guests should put a song request on the RSVPs for the wedding. My dad put "for the daddy/daughter dance A song for my Daughter by Marc Cohen". I'm freaking out over this. My FI and I were not going to have a father/daughter dance. I was talking to my MOH (my sister) and my FI about maybe just doing the dance so not to cause in problems if I like the song. I had even thought about doing a nice dance with hima nd then having my brother cut in (my brother has been my father figure). However, when I listen to the song, it's a very mushy song and I can't see myself dancing with him to that song. So now I need advice. Is there a nice way I could say "thanks but no thanks" or should I just suck it up and do the dance with him?
And now you're here, and everythings changing. Suddenly life means so much. I can't wait to wake up tomorrow and find out this promise is true. I will never have to go back to, the day before you." -Mathew West Wedding Countdown Ticker

Re: Help!!

  • I would say it's a request, so it's a suggestion, certainly not something that you have to do. That being said, I think it might be nice to honor his request since he will be the officiant marrying you at the ceremony... and he's also your father.

    I would not ask your brother to cut in, as that just seems wrong. Just remember, it's only like four minutes of your time and you'll be spending more time in front of him for the ceremony. :) 
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  • If you're not comfortable doing the father-daughter dance then don't do one.. don't feel pressured to do so. But if you're not going to do one, I think you need you tell him before the wedding so there are no surprises on the day.
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  • Is your FI doing a mother/son dance?
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  • Don't do a father daughter dance if you don't want one (and don't get pressured into one!), but you do need to tell him beforehand (in a calm, nice way).  "Hey dad, I noticed on your RSVP that you requested this song for father-daughter dance.  We weren't planning on doing father-daughter and mother-son dances (obviously only say it if it's true).  Is there another song you would like to request?"
  • How about at some point during the dancing you play the song and you and your Dad can dance to it along with other people dancing too, it doesn't have to be announced as a father/daughter dance.
  • Hi there - I have a different take on this, hope you won't mind some thoughts from a second time bride who dealt with a similar issue at my first wedding. My advice - do the dance with your dad to the song he wants - but have the DJ shorten the song so it isn't as awkward for you.

    Here's why - my second wedding is going to be Oct 21. At my first wedding, in 1997, I danced with my dad to a song I picked - "The Way You Look Tonight" - and it was fun. But he had wanted us to dance to "Cherish", one of his favorite all time songs, and I refused for a lot of the same reasons you put down, I just hated the song and didn't think it fit our relationship.

    Anyway long story short, I lost my dear dad last year, and am so sad he won't be at my wedding this time. Our relationship healed over the years since my first wedding, especially after I became a parent myself and saw him as a wonderful grandpa. So for my wedding this time around, in place of a dad/daughter dance, my sister, brother and mom and I are all going to dance together to "Cherish", his song, in his memory. And I do wish someone had told me the first time, while he was still with us, that sometimes you have to give a few minutes to a greater good even if it's not exactly what you want for your day.

    I know whatever you decide will be right for you. I send my very best wishes to you for a beautiful and happy wedding! xox Jennifer
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  • Thanks for all the advice ladies. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. And FI is not sure if he's doing a mother/son dance. I'll keep you posted. Sunridge1000 thanks for the imput and I'm so sorry about the loss of your dad.
    And now you're here, and everythings changing. Suddenly life means so much. I can't wait to wake up tomorrow and find out this promise is true. I will never have to go back to, the day before you." -Mathew West Wedding Countdown Ticker
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