Bachelorette Party Invites?

CorrieDude · January 2012

Hi everyone,

I have recently read that the people who are invited to the bachelorette party should also be invited to the wedding. Although I appreciate the etiquette of it, what about people who are having a smaller wedding? If you're leaving certain family members off the list, I would assume that the rule is sort of void for the bachelorette party.

Thoughts and opinions?

oxlizxo · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bachelorette-party-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:cf8f1f1f-fbb1-4aaf-b8eb-f0ac8f2c2f1bPost:acf4b310-d7c1-44c3-ac70-ca8bdd1929e5">Bachelorette Party Invites?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi everyone, I have recently read that the people who are invited to the bachelorette party should also be invited to the wedding. Although I appreciate the etiquette of it, what about people who are having a smaller wedding? If you're leaving certain family members off the list, I would assume that the rule is sort of void for the bachelorette party. Thoughts and opinions?
Posted by CorrieDude[/QUOTE]

I am in the same boat as you. I'm having a smaller wedding and I also don't have too many girlfriends that I'm inviting. I'm thinking of inviting some friends from high school that were not invited to the wedding, I know it's not proper etiquette, but I think we're going to have it more of a "girls night out" than a bachelorette party.

waltzingmatilda13 · January 2012

If you make the choice to have a small wedding you need to learn to accept the etiquette consequences. Anyone invited to the pre-wedding parties must be invited to the wedding.

If you're having a girls night out and not associating it with your wedding at all, that's fine, but to call it a b-party and do everything that goes along with that (veil/sash, games, everyone paying for the bride, etc.) would not be appropriate.

oxlizxo · January 2012

I agree that you shouldn't invite anyone to the wedding shower who isn't invited to the wedding because then you're asking for gifts, but I think a bachelorette is way less formal, unless you're asking them to spend a ton of money and go to Vegas for the weekend. But that's just my opinion...

oxlizxo · January 2012

also, having a small wedding isn't really a choice of mine, it's because of budget issues.

waltzingmatilda13 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bachelorette-party-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:cf8f1f1f-fbb1-4aaf-b8eb-f0ac8f2c2f1bPost:926d514d-4ef7-4636-999d-5520e407c293">Re: Bachelorette Party Invites?</a>:
[QUOTE]also, having a small wedding isn't really a choice of mine, it's because of budget issues.
Posted by oxlizxo[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>It's still a choice. You could choose to put the wedding off until you have time to save up money to invite more people, but you chose to get married sooner and have a smaller wedding.

</div>

CorrieDude · January 2012

Thanks for your opinions. Although I won't be pleased with the number of guests attending my bachelorette party, I'd rather deal with it than run the risk of offending someone.
I agree, oxlizxo, I'd rather have a bigger guest list, as well. If I were to wait until I could afford a wedding that I could invite everyone I wanted, I'd never get married!

oxlizxo · January 2012

Ditto, weddings are really expensive. Idk, I'm still inviting a few people to my bachelorette that aren't being invited to the wedding. I'll just have my MOH explain that the wedding will be a small and intimate gathering but I'd still love to celebrate with them. If they're offended, then they won't come, if not, then yay! I'm not asking them for gifts and I'm not even asking them to pay for me that night and I certainly don't expect them to.

CorrieDude · January 2012

I wasn't even aware that people bought gifts for bachelorette parties! It's not a common thing in my area. I would be uncomfortable to receive gifts from my friend's, let alone in that setting.

mcskatcat · January 2012

Think of it this way: you're inviting people out to celebrate an event they aren't invited to. How does that not scream "rude" to you?

oxlizxo · January 2012

Idk, my friend had a DW and invited a bunch of people to her bachelorette party and engagement party that weren't invited to the wedding, no one thought it was rude.

freebread03 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bachelorette-party-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:cf8f1f1f-fbb1-4aaf-b8eb-f0ac8f2c2f1bPost:f97f7d39-a91e-49cd-b403-bfe606e15eb5">Re: Bachelorette Party Invites?</a>:
[QUOTE]Idk, my friend had a DW and invited a bunch of people to her bachelorette party and engagement party that weren't invited to the wedding, no one thought it was rude.
Posted by oxlizxo[/QUOTE]

So nobody thought it was rude since..nobody told the bride it was rude? Just because someone doesnt say something doesn't mean they're not side-eyeing you anyways. It's never ok to invite people to celebrate (and spend money) for something they aren't invited to, and that includes the bachelorette part.

CorrieDude · January 2012

Being someone who understands financial hardships, I would glady accept an invitation to a bachelorette party and not the wedding. If they think to invite me to the bachelorette party, I'm flattered. I have many friends that can't be invited to my wedding, and have many friends who were/are in our situation, and we didn't make the cut to their wedding. It just happens.
However, to avoid situations in which people are side-eyeing me, or not telling me to my face that I'm being rude, I will only invite people on my wedding guest list.

freebread03 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bachelorette-party-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:cf8f1f1f-fbb1-4aaf-b8eb-f0ac8f2c2f1bPost:049cf819-9378-435c-b11e-bbf70e3a8a8e">Re: Bachelorette Party Invites?</a>:
[QUOTE]Being someone who understands financial hardships, I would glady accept an invitation to a bachelorette party and not the wedding. If they think to invite me to the bachelorette party, I'm flattered. I have many friends that can't be invited to my wedding, and have many friends who were/are in our situation, and we didn't make the cut to their wedding. It just happens. However, to avoid situations in which people are side-eyeing me, or not telling me to my face that I'm being rude, I will only invite people on my wedding guest list.
Posted by CorrieDude[/QUOTE]

You came on here to get advice, which people gave. Just because posters didn't agree with extending bachelorette party invites to those not invited to the wedding doesn't mean they don't understand financial hardship, etc. You really didn't need to get snarky about it. It seems like you had your mind made up before you even asked.

oxlizxo · January 2012

I don't think she was being snarky at all with that post, in fact she's probably the only one on here not... anyway, that's all i'm saying... this is the reason i don't post too much on the knot.

CorrieDude · January 2012

I'm sorry, I'm confused how you came to that conclusion. I find it quite obvious that I have asked for opinions and taken them seriously, as I have stated twice now that I will keep up with the etiquette and tradition of the invites.
I'm sorry you thought I came across as snarky, as I wasn't trying to, but isn't snarky kind of The Knot's thing?

CorrieDude · January 2012

@RetreadBride- Thanks for your opinion. You and everyone here have helped me avoid a possible sticky situation.
oxlizxo- I PM'ed you.

freebread03 · January 2012

@CorrieDude-sorry for calling you snarky, I misinterpreted what you meant. My apologies (I mean it).

CorrieDude · January 2012

No worries. It's pretty easy to misinterpret things over the internet.

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