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fiances family don't care about her/continually making her cry

kyguyspointofviewkyguyspointofview member
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in Wedding Woes
Ok my fiance and I are getting married on 10-10-10 on the beach in florida...we live in KY. We are both professional making over 40k each, neither of us has been married nor do we have kids, we are in our early 30's, we each have our own house, cars, jobs, etc.. I don't drink at all--  not religous I just don't drink. My fiances bioligcal dad is a recovering alcohalic and her stepdad is also. Her mom and whole family aren't at all excited about the wedding. They haven't offered to help in any way-we've paid for the whole things ourselves- I took her, just the two of us, to get her dress. I made the comments that day that she should have her mom or sister there and my fiance told me that "The can't make up thiser mond where to eat, I'm not worried about thier dress decision." When she told her mom about her being engaged at an NBA Game her respnse was "Oh, U want more popcorn?" She has never been engaged before!!! We've been dating for over 9 months when she told her that.??? what the Hell is the deal am I wrong???
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Re: fiances family don't care about her/continually making her cry

  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_fiances-family-dont-care-hercontinually-making-her-cry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:ded62e66-8de2-4088-bcce-dc3a77549475Post:f8981576-bbee-41fa-b870-2846834bc2a3">fiances family don't care about her/continually making her cry</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok my fiance and I are getting married on 10-10-10 on the beach in florida...we live in KY. We are both professional making over 40k each, neither of us has been married nor do we have kids, we are in our early 30's, we each have our own house, cars, jobs, etc.. I don't drink at all--  not religous I just don't drink. My fiances bioligcal dad is a recovering alcohalic and her stepdad is also. Her mom and whole family aren't at all excited about the wedding. They haven't offered to help in any way-we've paid for the whole things ourselves- I took her, just the two of us, to get her dress. I made the comments that day that she should have her mom or sister there and my fiance told me that "The can't make up thiser mond where to eat, I'm not worried about thier dress decision." When she told her mom about her being engaged at an NBA Game her respnse was "Oh, U want more popcorn?" She has never been engaged before!!! <strong>We've been dating for over 9 months when she told her that.??? what the Hell is the deal am I wrong???</strong>
    Posted by kyguyspointofview[/QUOTE]

    please come back monday morning - you'll get a lot more responses.

    1) you should not expect anyone to pay for any part of your wedding (or even to offer.)
    2) it doesn't sound like your fiancee is too concerned about having her family involved, so maybe you should stop making it into an issue and pointing out to her that they should be there. have you stopped to think that maybe YOUR comments are hurting her more than their lack of involvement?
    3) How was her mom supposed to respond to getting engaged at an NBA game? Maybe the popcorn comment was to avoid giving her honest opinion - "pass the popcorn" is much less hurtful than "wow, that's tacky."
    4) you were only dating for 9 months before getting engaged? if my kid told me that, I probably wouldn't be too thrilled. maybe FMIL is staying out of it hoping that this whole thing blows over.
    5) there is SOOOO much wrong with this post, that the previous 4 points were only the tip of the iceburg.
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  • quotequeenquotequeen member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If your FMIL doesn't want your FI to marry you, that doesn't mean they don't care about her, it might mean they care about her a whole lot and are concerned that she's making a terrible decision.
    Married 10/2/10
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  • Sloane99Sloane99 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I don't know where to start:

    Irrelevant points:
    - wedding date and location
    - previous marriage status
    - income levels
    - you went dress shopping together - this is irrelevant because only you seem bothered by that
    - again her not being engaged before, see back to previous marriage/relationship status

    Maybe relevant but not sure what you're saying points:
    - you and your FI are paying for the wedding
    - you don't drink but there's alcoholism in FI's family
    - her family is not excited about her marriage to you
    - you've only been dating nine months - this may work for some couples but this seems to be a problem for her family, maybe?

    Could someone please tie this all together and put a bow around it. Thanks
    2 IVFs & 1 FET. Welcome home baby girl!
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  • arv266arv266
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    IMO the lack of enthusiasm means that they are less than thrilled that she is getting married to you.
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  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2011
    I seriously can't make heads or tails of this post.

    Cliffs Notes version, please.
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  • Muffin'sMomMuffin'sMom
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In general....

    You can't make someones family different than they are.  Let them do what they do and you go on about your business.
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
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