Hi all, hope everyone is having a great week! I just ran into my first major wedding "stress" and needed to get it off my chest...
We had dinner with my FMIL last night, and she announced that she was planning to throw me a shower with her side of the family (no BP or my family). I immediately thanked her; it is a generous offer and I know that the cost and time of doing this are significant to her. However, she said in the next breath that she wanted to invite many people (her coworkers and distant extended family) who will not be invited to the wedding to "show me off" to them. Cringe!
I very delicately told her I wasn't comfortable having a gift-giving event with those who we couldn't invite. Her response to this was "well, nobody has to bring a gift. They will though." When I suggested writing "no gifts" or calling it a "bridal tea" she said "No, it's a shower and you're getting gifts. I've gone to showers where I wasn't invited to the wedding." Sigh. To make things worse she wants to hold in the spring, when many people could reasonably think an invitation was still forthcoming.
When I filled in FI, he said that he had ALREADY told her I wouldn't be comfortable with this. Now I feel between a rock and a hard place; I know I need to talk her out of inviting these people or decline the shower. I think though, and FI agrees, that declining the shower would permanently damage my (previously fine) relationship with her.
FI is going to talk to her about it again once some time has passed; I just needed to vent to some people who could sympathize. NOW I see why wedding planning is supposed to be stressful!