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Moms and Maids
My Mother did WHAT!!
problem solved, thanks for your help.
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Re: My Mother did WHAT!!
My mom is 100% unsupportive of my wedding as well, she wont even talk to me about it let alone go dress shopping.
My bet is though, that especially since she is recently divorced from your father, that she's got that debbie downer outlook about marriage in general. Not to get all zen on you, but regardless of the cause of the divorce, it sucks and hurts for both parties. If it's only been 8 months (regardless of her rebound) she's probably going through some stuff that's a little more immediate than your wedding, you know?
I only say that because I've been learning to deal with my own mothers behaivor towards me. We used to be best friends, and now she wont talk to me. It sucks, but I know she's going through some stuff right now, and she needs to get through that before she can care about the other stuff. Mothers are people too, they have emotions, they can manipulate and be jealous and be hurt. It's not something most people think of, I don't think.
Anyway, take a breath, it'll all work out in the end!
That being said, yes, it's childish of her to try to get you to change your appointment time to accommodate for her partying.
Also, she should be allowed to bring a guest of her choosing.
[QUOTE] I just would think that as her oldest daughter i'd come before her friends and boyfriend... not after them.
Posted by Raybop[/QUOTE]
Why on earth would you make her choose??!
[QUOTE]Because she seems to think that getting drunk (at 50) on a friday takes precedent over going to my very first dress shopping experience on Sat. morning... she doesn't want to go because she doesn't want to be up that early... i mean i'm not even home often... this was HARD for me to schedule and i did it a month ago.. she asked me to change it YESTERDAY...
Posted by Raybop[/QUOTE]
You are being a little narrowminded. Because she's 50 she shouldn't have a good time? And chances are good that you don't know the actual inner workings of your parents, even if she did push him away, divorce is still hard. How old are you if I might ask?
[QUOTE]Sorry to hear about your mom, it totally sucks not having that support system... as i'm starting to realize, but as to the divorce... i just don't know... i mean she drove him away. I just would think that as her oldest daughter i'd come before her friends and boyfriend... not after them.
Posted by Raybop[/QUOTE]
Even though you are your parents' daughter, only the two people within the relationship know exactly what led them to the point of divorce. That's really unfair of you to make a judgment based on limited information - what you observed or heard from them, which is based on their biases and yours.
That said, it's natural to be upset at your mother for not coming with you to the fitting, and for you to feel as if her priorities are skewed. Go ahead and keep your appointment, and go with your dad.
BTW...were you inviting your dad to go with you anyway, or you are now that your mom isn't going? If he was already invited, maybe that was the real reason your mom didn't want to go to the fitting. If not, then disregard this part.
Anyway, in general, it is kind of selfish of her to put her partying/boyfriend ahead of something that is important to you. That said, it may serve you well in the long run to try to see things from her perspective. I've known a fair number of people who have been divorced or split from their significant others. On one hand, there's a mourning of the relationship dissolving, but depending on the situation, it's a sense of freedom as well. Maybe your mom is feeling that "freedom," so to speak, that she could not experience as a married woman, or a woman with kids she was in charge of raising, etc. During a time of upheaval like divorce, sometimes being a little selfish is needed for the sake of sanity. It's not about excusing her actions, but attempting to understand her a little better for the sake of your future relationship with her.
You should still invite your mom to your wedding, and yes, with a plus-one (her boyfriend if she's still with him by the time of your wedding). It's okay to be upset with her (and at some point when you're calm you should talk to her about how you feel about how things have changed...not just wedding-related). But don't add fuel to the fire by uninviting her and bf.
My mother and step father do not have a good relationship and i know she gets jealous that i am happy and getting married. it sounds weird but people get very jealous of brides and grooms.
Good luck, remember to breath and relax, im sure your wedding will be amazing.
Tell your mom that you want to be respectful of her social schedule, but the appointment is made and you are going to keep it. Tell her that you will tell her all about it later and that you will miss having her with you. Then say you love her and hang up. End of discussion.
This puts the ball in her court, and sets the tone that you will not be playing games. When it comes time to send invitations, I would treat hers like anyone elses. If she is in a committed relationship, then you need to invite that person with her. If she is not, you are not required to give her a plus one just so she can bring some random guy.
If you go about doing all of this firmly and kindly, and relax, it may resolve itself over time.
[QUOTE]i agree with most on this issue, still go to your appt. however i dont agree with inviting the new boyfriend, your parents divorce is still fresh amd you dont want any drama or conflict at your wedding. so <strong>if they are dating someone its not serious enough to allow them at your wedding</strong>. my opinon
Posted by Karamel_bp[/QUOTE]
Really??? So I suppose out of the 10 years DH and I have been together, only the last 11 months since our engagement counted as serious.
AKA GoodLuckBear14
[QUOTE]i agree with most on this issue, still go to your appt. however i dont agree with inviting the new boyfriend, your parents divorce is still fresh amd you dont want any drama or conflict at your wedding. so if they are dating someone its not serious enough to allow them at your wedding. my opinon
Posted by Karamel_bp[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I agree 100%.
</div>
[QUOTE]i agree with most on this issue, still go to your appt. however i dont agree with inviting the new boyfriend, your parents divorce is still fresh amd you dont want any drama or conflict at your wedding. so if they are dating someone its not serious enough to allow them at your wedding. my opinon
Posted by Karamel_bp[/QUOTE]
I'd agree with this if your mom and her boyfriend have only been together a couple months. It's a fairly new relationship and who knows what will come of it.
If they've been together for a significant amount of time, she has the right to bring him as her guest and just expect them to be adults about it.
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