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I'm not sure if I should be a bridesmaid.

cgra40cgra40 member
First Anniversary First Comment
in Chit Chat
A girl I was really good friends with in high school is getting married, and though we've hardly talked since graduation she asked me to be a bridesmaid.  I've moved off for college though.  I'm about 500 miles away now.  I want to be a bridesmaid.  I love weddings.  I'd love to rekindle the friendship.  And I love weddings! :P
But I'm just not sure I should seeing as it would be difficult for me to really participate.  I can probably only go back home once before the actual week of the wedding, so dress planning and sizing would be hard.
And I'm really not financially stable.  I'm worried about the expense.  I doubt my friend is gonna be too over the top about money though, and I think I might just barely be able to afford everything I'd have to do except travel.

I want to tell her yes so bad, but I'm not sure.  What do you guys think?
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Re: I'm not sure if I should be a bridesmaid.

  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    Three of my bridesmaids are OOT and we found it rather easy to handle the dress part. Depending on where the dresses come from, it's possible that you could visit a local shop in order to purchase yours. We ordered ours online. They will be delivered to each BM and they will take it to a local tailor to have it fitted.

     I also doubt that I will see them until the weekend of the wedding. She asked you to be a bridesmaid knowing that you are OOT, so she would need to understand that you are not able to participate on the same level that a local bridesmaid would.

    Finances are a whole different animal. Being a bridesmaid can be expensive and if you can not afford it, you need to let her know. As a bride, I would be devastated to know that one of my bridesmaids particpated even though she couldn't really afford it.
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  • NcsuPsychNcsuPsych member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    I have to agree with other posts. As a bride, I've been very money friendly on things I've picked out and that includes picking out dresses that my girls could easily afford, plus theyre dresses they can alter later on if they wish for other purposes.

    I have one BM that is also a bride, shes getting married in May, and Im a BM in her wedding. We've been bouncing ideas off of each other and making sure that each of us are confortable with costs of everything.

    I would maybe go ahead and talk to her about your concerns. You may see that you really could afford everything and be fine, or find out that things are extremely expensive and you'd be better being a guests (you could still participate with things if you wanted) 

    Good Luck!
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  • arixanaarixana member
    First Comment
    "Hey Julie (or whatever her name is),

    I really am honored that you asked me to be your bridesmaid. I would love to be a part of your wedding, and am excited to support you in any way I can. Unfortunately, I'm worried about my finances- and am unsure if I would be able to properly perform my duties as a bridesmaid. I wouldn't want my situation to affect your wonderful day. Do you have any ideas?"
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  • tidetraveltidetravel member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    You're not close to her anymore, you're OOT and you're not financially stable.  Not a good combination.

    Weddings are NEVER the time to try to "rekindle relationships."  More often than not, they break them.

    Decline the BM offer and tell her you would be honored to support her as guest. 
    Holy Crap. We survived the first year!
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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    You can still help her with the planning in a bouncing ideas off each other capacity (if that's your thing), whether you're actually in the wedding or not.  You can just tell her that you're concerned about your finances and don't want to burden her with that, but she's welcome to call or email you if she needs opinions or help with the planning stuff.
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  • jenn.danieljenn.daniel
    First Comment

    All of my BM are going to be coming from OOT as well.

    Tell her your concern about expenses, ask if the dress would be under $XX, and ask if she knows of anyone (who is also going to the wedding) who would be willing to let you crash on the couch so you don’t have to pay for hotel.

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  • julieanna21julieanna21
    First Comment
    The other bridesmaids can be pretty snappy, too.  I've seen it as a bridesmaid, and now watching it as a bride.  Most of my BMs are in their thirties, financially stable, and have a number of weddings under their belt like me.  We know what to do, but lose sight of the gap it creates for my future SILs, struggling twentysomethings who it seems have no experience at all with all the responsibilities financially or otherwise.  They can't keep up, it's frustrating for the other girls, and in turn I feel really sorry for the sisses because I know they must feel uncomfortable.  If you think you really want to say yes, you may be more likely to have the other bridesmaids to deal with than the bride herself.  Or maybe I've only ever met snappy BMs, I don't know:) 
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  • cgra40cgra40 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Seriously, the major concern wasn't the expenses.  It's a concern, but I think I could possibly handle it depending on how much she wants the dresses to cost.  
    Once I got there, I could stay with any number of people. Like I can think of 20 offhand right now, so that's not a problem.  It's my home town.
    And like I said. I know this girl, even if we haven't talked in a long time.  She's not going to choose really expensive things. She's very likely to go to davidsbridal for the bridesmaid dresses (which can be fairly cheap).


    I was more concerned about being OOT and not close anymore.

    But thanks everyone who responded.  For those of you have oot bridesmaids, how do you deal with all of the planning and dress choosing etc?
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  • TandEsMommyTandEsMommy member
    First Comment
    edited November 2009
    FI and I are from Louisiana but are both stationed in Hawaii and are going home to get married, so ALL of our planning is being done OOT.  A close friend of mine got married in September and I was a bm; she and I talked and texted a lot about her plans, and she would text me pics out of magazines or email me things that she liked, and we would discuss them when both of us had time. 

    She understood that I could only have limited involvement b/c of my location, just as I understand now that my MOH, who lives in TX (neither my location or the wedding location), can only do so much.  Don't be afraid to use IM, or to e-mail or even FB her dresses or centerpieces or floral arrangements in order to be a part of her day. 

    Being newly engaged, I can appreciate how valuable I was to my friend, because since I wasn't around every day, I was always down to talk wedding stuff whenever we did talk.  I didn't realize how easily you become consumed with your own planning LOL, and I bet she'll be happy to have someone to turn to when the bms who are in town need a break from hearing about wedding stuff :)

    ETA:  My friend used David's for our dresses, since they were available most places; despite not being crazy about their customer service, I will do the same--I have bms in Louisiana, Arkansas, and Texas, so it's really the easiest choice for us.  We each were allowed to choose our own dress in a particular color, and I will do the same, so no worries about choosing a dress everyone can afford or looks good in.
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  • cgra40cgra40 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Thanks!  That's really helpful!
    : )
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  • jeannigirljeannigirl member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    If you are having doubts then its your gut telling you no more than likely. That  will def cost you $$ and your time away from work has you will have to use some vacation time and you may not want to do that.

    Want to address this pp "and am unsure if I would be able to properly perform my duties as a bridesmaid." 
    There are no duties of a BM other than purchasing your attire and showing up at the wedding. 
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  • jeannigirljeannigirl member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Well I guess I didn't catch your last response. Thats great that you have people that you could stay at that will save you some money. She apparenly considers you has a friend so what is your feelings on it?

    You have to go with how you are feeling about her has a friend. I don't often see my friends that are a distance away but I think that if they asked I probably would accept the offer, if I knew upfront what the bride had in mind for cost and etc. Then I would either accept or decline.
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