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Sister rivalry- MOH trouble

goneinthemoonlightgoneinthemoonlight member
Second Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Party
So I have a younger sister who got married at a young age a few years ago, and is sadly now divorced. She asked me to be her MOH, but then failed to tell me she had replaced me with a friend that suddenly became her "Best Friend" a month later.  She was incredibly rude to all her other bridesmaids on her wedding day, and basically isolated herself with her MOH.   
I'm getting married in January, and I asked her recently if she wanted to be one of my bridesmaids; to which her reply was "of course- you had better let me be! (insert expletive)".    She is rather unreliable, and I would prefer to not have her in it, but be involved in teh wedding another way.  I am worried about hurting her feeling however, and I don't knw how to go about it.  Anyone have any ideas or advice on this?
Thanks.
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Re: Sister rivalry- MOH trouble

  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    You've already asked her to be a bridesmaid, so that's what she is. You can't unask her or reassign her now.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • goneinthemoonlightgoneinthemoonlight member
    Second Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister-rivalry-moh-trouble?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ce50318e-8504-407c-8b4e-9cc60bcb2f48Post:9ce97c12-29e3-4e95-8886-20d8da85de4a">Re: Sister rivalry- MOH trouble</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ditto Addie.  If you'd come to us sooner, we would have told you that you were under no obligation to ask her, but now that you have, you're stuck.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>Even if she is extremely rude and brushes me off all the time, doesn't get along with my other bridesmaids, and doesnt want to pay for her dress is there any way I could gracefully ask her to be involved another way?....

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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister-rivalry-moh-trouble?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ce50318e-8504-407c-8b4e-9cc60bcb2f48Post:ca4f4acc-a070-48ec-9d48-3d0c2a586942">Re: Sister rivalry- MOH trouble</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sister rivalry- MOH trouble : Even if she is extremely rude and brushes me off all the time, doesn't get along with my other bridesmaids, and doesnt want to pay for her dress is there any way I could gracefully ask her to be involved another way?....
    Posted by goneinthemoonlight[/QUOTE]

    <div>No. If she doesn't want to pay for her dress, and refuses to, then she will remove herself from the bridal party. If you want to kick her out, you CAN, but you will damage your relationship. One of my cousins kicked her sister out. They no longer speak. Then that sister who got kicked out ended up kicking ME out a few years later, and now WE no longer speak. Is that the dynamic you are looking to have here?</div>
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • vanityinkvanityink member
    500 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister-rivalry-moh-trouble?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ce50318e-8504-407c-8b4e-9cc60bcb2f48Post:ca4f4acc-a070-48ec-9d48-3d0c2a586942">Re: Sister rivalry- MOH trouble</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sister rivalry- MOH trouble : Even if she is extremely rude and brushes me off all the time, doesn't get along with my other bridesmaids, and doesnt want to pay for her dress is there any way I could gracefully ask her to be involved another way?....
    Posted by goneinthemoonlight[/QUOTE]

    <div>Not really. If she doesn't buy the dress, she has taken herself out of the wedding, which she is allowed to do. Unless she physically attacks you, though, or tries to seduce your FI or something, it is amazingly rude for you to demote her (you don't "ask" someone to step down. You tell them in a way that seems like asking, or make them feel amazingly awkward for not agreeing. As people here will tell you, it's basically a relationship ending move, which is not what I think you would want to do. You're still ticked about being demoted yourself from MOH it seems, after all, from whenever she got married).</div>
    photo a826c490-726a-4824-af5c-d938878de228_zpseb85bb5a.jpg
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  • goneinthemoonlightgoneinthemoonlight member
    Second Anniversary First Comment
    I'm just worried about the extra drama she might create, and trying to avoid conflict between her and my other bridesmaids.  Thats what I thought though.  Thanks everyone for your advice.
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  • vanityinkvanityink member
    500 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister-rivalry-moh-trouble?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ce50318e-8504-407c-8b4e-9cc60bcb2f48Post:d66bed41-1bae-4e09-89a6-1d54fb8e5e2e">Re: Sister rivalry- MOH trouble</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm just worried about the extra drama she might create, and trying to avoid conflict between her and my other bridesmaids.  Thats what I thought though.  Thanks everyone for your advice.
    Posted by goneinthemoonlight[/QUOTE]

    <div>I understand not wanting drama, but honestly, you can keep her contact with the other bridesmaids to a minimum if you want. They just have to make it down the aisle and stand there looking pretty. Don't host a bunch of bridesmaids get-togethers or any of that sort of stuff. They really don't have to be bffs (I'm a BM in my friend's wedding in July after my wedding. I haven't even met two of her bridesmaids at this point. Three of my bridesmaids who live locally haven't met my MOH and last BM in person yet, since they're across the country, and my wedding is a month away...it's really not that big a deal)</div>
    photo a826c490-726a-4824-af5c-d938878de228_zpseb85bb5a.jpg
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  • PeledreamsofrainPeledreamsofrain member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    If you're avoiding drama, then keep her in the party.  Kicking her out will set the drama meter to 1,000
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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  • missfrodomissfrodo member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper

    If you picked a dress within her budget and she now refuses to buy it, and hasn't bought it by your wedding date, then she has removed herself and can attend as a guest.  If she buys the dress, let her know when and where to show up for the wedding; there's really nothing else you need to involve her in.  The less contact you have with her, the less drama and negativity she can create.  Have fun with your friends and enjoy planning your wedding with your FI. 

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