PSA: No, you can't fire that bridesmaid.

harpsdesire · February 2012

Nope. Nope, ya can't.

Not unless you want to end the friendship and her transgression is such that you would rather never be friends with her again.

Even if she isn't interested in dress shoppinig or helping you with crafts. Even if she doesn't get along with the 'maids and said she doesn't like what you're serving at the reception. Even if she doesn't return your texts in a timely manner. Even if her voice is annoying and she refuses to throw a shower. Even if she refuses to TAKE a shower.

Just. No.

msuprincess04 · February 2012

Even if she shaves her head into a mohawk the month before.

artbyallie · February 2012

Even if she dyes her hair or gets a huge tattoo.

ski2play · February 2012

Even if her legs and armpits are super hairy?

AdeleDazeem · February 2012

But what if she doesn't like the dress I picked out and is complaining about the $400 pricetag? I mean, it's MY vision and MY day, right?!!

KellyBrian2013 · February 2012

... and the thread posted directly after this one? Someone asking about kicking her pregnant SIL out. Awesome.

mellimel19 · February 2012

But she refuses to take the entire week before my wedding off work to help me make my centerpieces, favors and pew bows! Doesn't she know her DUTIES??

OBX2011 · February 2012

Because she wants to fly to Vegas a few days before the rest of the WP to celebrate her b-day with her FI....BEFORE anyone else even gets there! Ohhhh, the blasphemy of celebrating your own b-day!

Thunder stealer! lol

skantrowitz · February 2012

Even if she's pregnant. Or might become pregnant.

melntaitt · February 2012

Even if she dares not to address and mail 300 invitations?

sonya+adam · February 2012

Hahahaha! I love this. Since this post, so many people have asked about kicking people out. Don't people read first? Geez.

darkoa1 · February 2012

Hi,

I would like to start of by saying everyone is entitled to their own opinion but please do not reply with rude or snarky comments...

anywho

Sorry but some BMs just need to be "kicked out." Some of the threads that I read on TK justifies it! Everyone wants to be happy on THEIR day! You can't totally ignore what the BM duties (buy your dress on time, be their for the bride etc) are then stand firm on wedding etiquette! Afterall the origin of a BM is not be a statue next to the bride its to help the bride prepare (and originally protect the bride from enemies) for her big day.

Personally I want my wedding to be as stress free as possible. I will not chase a BM who does not answer my calls, emails, txts about (i.e) putting a deposit on a BM dress. As you all know the dresses have to be ordered by a certain date (3-4 mths before the wedding). If I'm correct, "wedding etiquette" states not to kick her out of the wedding despite her lack of care for the bride however this also means delaying the dress order time and taking the chance to have 0 bridesmaids (At most stores, dresses will not be ordered unless all of the bridesmaids have paid their dress deposits and have gotten their fittings done) because one person will not get the dress!

If the BM is not being considerate, is being rude and does not answer texts, calls, emails after months of trying to reach her (or even after being told the due date of the dress fitting/deposit and she still has not paid for it 3-4 mths before the wedding etc) then yes she will be kicked out!

renjon7798 · February 2012

But my MOH refuses to spend every waking second talking to me about how many petals should be on each flower in my centerpieces or how many stitches need to be on the hem of all 12 BM's dresses so they all match perfectly?! Doesn't she know that this is MY WEDDING and therefore since she has accpeted the duties of MOH she is now my slave and must bow to my every whim and desire?! I now rule her life because she's in my wedding?

Seriously, this is how some girls sound. I just want to shake them and say "get over yourself!"

harpsdesire · February 2012

Fabulous, ladies.

darkoa1 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_psa-cant-fire-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:286592bc-aa2b-4b01-bf86-691cc0fe1bfePost:db83e58c-1817-4b31-b81f-b618fd36d480">Re: PSA: No, you can't fire that bridesmaid.</a>:
[QUOTE]Sorry but some BMs just need to be "kicked out." Only if you want to kick them out of your life. Some of the threads that I read on TK justifies it! Nothing justifies it - unless she slept with your fiance, in which case you should kick him out of your life, too. Everyone wants to be happy on THEIR day! It stops being the couple's day the moment they choose to involve others in it. They have a license to get married, not ignore the rights of others. You can't totally ignore what the BM duties (buy your dress on time, be their for the bride etc) are then stand firm on wedding etiquette! You have cast off etiquette if you expect your bridesmaids to execute "duties" and think you can "fire" them at will because they don't do enough for you. Afterall the origin of a BM is not be a statue next to the bride its to help the bride prepare (and originally protect the bride from enemies) for her big day. No, bridesmaids are selected by the bride as a way to honor special friends, not the other way around. You've read too many bridal magazines and wedding websites.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div><ul><li><em><strong>Hi, I like your response but if you are going to respond to each line then please respond to each line in my OP not just what you pick and choose. Like I said, you do onto others as you want others to do onto you. I will not baby my bridesmaids nor do I expect to put their life on the line for me. It is an honor for me to have them say yes to being in my wedding party just as it is an honor for them to be asked to join my wedding. Every bride is different but I stand firm on my opinion. Like I said previously if my bride does not answer my calls, txts etc months before the wedding, has not purchased their dress, by the alloted due date then I guess they don't value me as a close friend. Tootles! :-)</strong></em></li><li><em><strong>
</strong></em></li><li><em><strong>Oh and no.. my response was/is not based on wedding books, its based on common sense..come on...be real with yourself! It seems like you haven't been in that position but if you were, you would probably be singing a different tune.</strong></em></li></ul>
</div>

Hilraythebride · February 2012

So you're saying I can't kick our a BM for not watching my son while I go to bridal appointments with my FI?!!!

What has this world come to?!!!!

darkoa1 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_psa-cant-fire-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:286592bc-aa2b-4b01-bf86-691cc0fe1bfePost:216416d9-e2d3-47c4-a901-82dbc0e30d9f">Re: PSA: No, you can't fire that bridesmaid.</a>:
[QUOTE]Darkoa, you don't have the right to dictate how other people can respond. No, I wouldn't "sing a different tune," either. This was my third wedding. I was widowed once and divorced once prior to this. I never, ever thought that my friends were there to wait on me, or had to adhere to a certain behavior code that I wrote. You don't fire a bridesmaid if they don't order their dress by a certain date. You simply proceed without them as if nothing happened, because they've already taken themselves out of the wedding. The only thing you should do with those lists of duties that you see on wedding websites and in bridal mags is throw them in the trash. Weddings are very much an industry, which does its best to convince you, from cradle onward, that this is The! Most! Important! Day! Of! Your! Life! and that it's all about you, the bride. They want your friends to believe that they're "bad" friends if they aren't willing to spend, spend, spend on attire, jewelry, shoes, and parties. All those things pump more money back into the industry. Stop and ask yourself a question: did I ask my bridesmaids to be in my wedding because I wouldn't dream of getting married unless they were standing beside me? Or did I pick them because of what I think they'll do for me? <strong>Their real responsibility: get the dress and show up sober for the wedding. </strong> Your real responsibility: get married. Remember that the wedding industry is finished with you once the wedding is over. They can't make more money off you, so could care less if you offended your friends and trashed your relationships over the One Perfect Day they spent millions in advertising to convince you was your right
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div><em><strong>Retread bride, everything you said prior to the highlighted section and after is irrelevant because it all boils down to the highlighted section where you state and I quote "Their responsibility: get the dress and show up sober for the wedding." Its either they don't have any responsibilities or they do! Which one is it? You contradicted yourself at the end of your post. I never said they had to wait on me nor do I want them to because I will not wait on anyone..slavery days are over dear. It all boils down to just respecting our friendship..treating me as though they would like to be treated. </strong></em></div><div><em><strong>
</strong></em></div><div><em><strong>My response is not based on magazines like I originally posted..its based on common sense! I can care less what the bridal magazines state. If a bride sets the dress due date then yes its respectful to either get your dress paid by the due date or be courteous enough to tell the bride that you can not pay the dress on time or you would not like to be in the wedding anymore. If a bridesmaid is not happy for a bride because they would rather be the one in her shoes and they are doing everything in the power to make the process a stressful one then yes they will be dismissed. We all react differently. You may decided to continue to have those bridesmaids aka those friends but I will not.</strong></em></div><div><em><strong>
</strong></em></div><div><em><strong>Let me get this clear...I DO NOT expect any of my bridesmaids to wait on me hand and foot..all I want them to do is do unto me as they would want someone to do onto them on their BIG DAY! If a date is set for a BM to pay for their wedding dress and they do not pay for it on time..if I call/txt/email them to find out why they haven't paid and they refuse to answer my calls/txts/emails then at that point it is more than the bridesmaid position that is at risk of being dismissed..it will more or less be our friendship as well. </strong></em></div><div><em><strong>
</strong></em></div><div><em><strong>We are all adults here, be real with yourself and get out of the internet realm..if you were going through a rough period and your close friends/family were MIA knowing that you were ging through this rough time yet you were trying to contact them via txt/email/phone calls and they ignored you (they were seen at a party the night before, they changed their status on fb or other social network sights..basically you knew they were fine and not in distress) how would you react? Don't tell me that you will just sit there and smile and say "well, gee..I guess she is just having fun ..." Be real!</strong></em></div><div><em><strong>
</strong></em></div><div><em><strong>I reposted a similar thread elsewhere, I did get many responses which I will post below. Those brides experienced real life situations..the situations that they experienced did warrant a dismissal. Like I said before, you are entitled to your opinion just as I am but snarky remarks are not appreciated. Tootles :)</strong></em>

</div>

darkoa1 · February 2012

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_opinions-please-bridesmaid-question

PSA: No, you can't fire that bridesmaid.

Re: PSA: No, you can't fire that bridesmaid.

Choose Another Board

Search Boards