Dad's speech at wedding-Social situation phobia~!

cdavislynn · April 2011

My dad is extrememly shy of big crowds..he avoids big social events at all costs. He has been this way his whole life. I don't know that he's ever given a speech in his life. I am his first daughter to get married. I am worried about him having huge anxiety over giving a speech....dad's are supposed to do that at the reception, right?? He hasn't expressed worries yet over the wedding reception (he may not yet realize he will be expected to stand up and say something). But, I know him well, and know that this will be super, super hard for him, if not nearly impossible. What should I do to help him? Would it be ok if someone stands with him to talk? Like my mom (they're divorced, but amicable) or his wife (my step mother)?

Avion22 · April 2011

First of all, I would let him know that it would mean a lot to you if he would give a toast at the reception, just so he has time to mentally prepare himself for it. Dad's usually rise to challenges like this:-)

If he's nervous, he can write down what he wants to say. If it makes him feel better to give a "joint toast" with his wife, your mom, or maybe with your future FIL, then I think that would be fine too:-)

MyNameIsNot · April 2011

Speaches and toasts are 100% optional. Even if he was the type to speak in front of a crowd, this isn't something you would assume he'd be doing. It's poor form to ask someone to toast you anyway.

Unless he brings it up, just assume he won't be giving a toast/speach. If he does, he can ask someone to give it jointly or do whatever he is comfortable with. It's totally up to him. My parents opted to stand together and do a welcome thing, where they thanked everyone for coming.

sklink0486 · April 2011

Not all weddings I've been to have included father's toasts, it's definitely not required. Honestly, if you think it will end up looking awkward or very uncomfortable, it will make your guests feel that way too. If it is really that uncomfortable for him, why insist or even try to encourage him? As a person who also doesn't like to give speeches, encouragement doesn't always help. Why not skip it and make the speech yourself or your fiance do it?- I've seen this a few times. Or talk to your dad about letting your mom or step-mom make a quick toast. Those are perfectly acceptable alternatives.

sklink0486 · April 2011

Ditto what MyNameIsNot said. Toasts are OPTIONAL. The only 2 I usually see at every wedding are MOH and BM toasts, even though those are also optional.

baystateapple · April 2011

My dad has the same issue with speaking in public. I did not ask him to do a speech. It wasn't necessary, it's always optional, and the people who didn't mind speaking (my BILs and my sister) did the honors for him. If your father is so nervous about it, I wouldn't ask him to do it.

trix1223 · April 2011

We've had 2 of our 3 kids married, and DH didn't give a speech at either one. Your dad is not at all obligated or expected to give one. Let him enjoy being the dad of the beautiful bride!
GL

cdavislynn · April 2011

Great advice guys! Thanks- I think I will just see if he wants to, and let him handle it however he wants. I'm not going to ask, and if he tells me he doesn't feel comfortable speaking, I'll just tell him it's totally fine! I would rather that he didn't since he'll be so nervous. I am worried others might make him feel bad about not doing it though. I hope not.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · April 2011

My dad did not give a speech. My FIL did. It was fine. My dad wasn't hosting, though.

Dad's speech at wedding-Social situation phobia~!

Re: Dad's speech at wedding-Social situation phobia~!

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