My mother is running away with the wedding

Re: My mother is running away with the wedding

• Aiobheann member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  You are neither wrong nor right. Family and money is always sticky-especially for weddings. Your mom is paying so she gets a BIG say in what happens. It is your wedding and you should get what you want. When you marry those two things and different ideas like you two have, it gets sticky. Have you tried comprimising with her?? 

  
  

  Your FI needs to stay out of things. She is your mom, you need to deal with her. That being said, you need to talk to your mom (not emotionally) and see if this can't be resolved. If it can't then let your mom know that she needs to see if she can get her deposits back and go pay for your wedding yourself and have it the way you want it. It sounds rough, but would you rather have issues with your mom and husband, or just you with your mom? 

  

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• jmconley08 member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  If she want's more people AND wants to pay for ALL of them too, I'd allow it. I mean more gifts for you haha. If 150 is her cap (which seems fair) then tell her you have reached your limit and cannot afford to have more people and you wish you had known soon or something. Maybe she'll pay for the extra 10. My mom started lisiting off her work friends that she wanted invited (some of them I've never met) and when I said we're making cuts she said she'd be paying for most of it, so fine with me haha. If you don't know them most likely you wont see them much/at all that day anyways.

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• Misheyld member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  Yes it's certainly your day and your wedding.  But at the same time, your mom is proud and wants some of her friends there to see her daughter get married.  If she is paying for it, let her have it.  Really it's not worth arguing over 1 more table of people that you won't see anyway. 

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• MyUserName1 member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-running-away-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:e3d3f978-219f-4e32-b27a-ac11fba775e7Post:7ee07176-ec31-40bb-867f-a0f2fd44c119">My mother is running away with the wedding</a>:
  [QUOTE]I'm getting married in December. The invitations are out and lots of people have already bought their tickets and have the arrangements to fly in for my wedding. My mother owns the banquet hall I'm getting married at. I work alot and am not in town often. I knew I could count on my mother to help take care of most of the wedding and I would have to mostly just approve of it.  My fiance would have liked a smaller low key wedding but my family is over 100. I have 13 siblings and over 15 aunts and uncles (not including their spouces) and LOTS of cousins. So my fiance compromised with having it bigger but my mother keeps adding things that we don't want. At first I felt that I'd let her do whatever she wants as long as she pays for it and it's gotten out of hand and I feel stuck bc deposits are in and I dont' want my mom to lose thousands of dollars . <strong>My next problem is we invited 190 but knowing that we'll end up with almost exactly 150 actually coming. My mother (who is paying for the event up to 150 people) has just demanded 10 seats for people we don't even know.</strong> If invitations hadn't gone out it would have been different but giving in to my mother AGAIN is a problem. Now my fiance is involved and it's become a huge fight. Every time I mention that it's our wedding and we want people that we know there and would prefer to invite our friends instead of her friends but she doesn't listen. My mother only says: "But I'm paying for it". I'm grateful and I appreciate that she is paying for it but I dont' feel it gives her the right to do whatever she wants.  Am I wrong? I don't know how to tone her down without sounding like a bridezilla. At this point my fiance wants to cancel and do a destination wedding to not have to deal with my mother anymore. :(
  Posted by Missymice28[/QUOTE]<div>
  </div><div>I hope you have room in case 190 show up...</div><div>
  </div><div>And can you afford the extra 40 since mom is paying for up to 150?  </div><div>
  </div><div>If you can afford an extra FIFTY (adding moms 10 extra) and you have room, then it isn't as much of a big deal.</div><div>
  </div><div>But if you can't afford the extras, you need to sit her down and discuss the fact that the guest list has gotten out of control.
  
  </div>

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• MairePoppy mod

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  Your mom is spending thousands of dollars on a party for you and your FI. She's done all the planning because you didn't have the time. The party is at a business that she owns. That gives her a big say in the guest list.
  
  
  

                     

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• kaitlyn&henry member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  I had this exact fight with my mom over my wedding guest list and after its all said and done...i didnt even notice the extra people she wanted there.
  
  Its a different story if shes expecting you to pay for the whole wedding and/or extra people, but if she is paying for them and i think you said she OWNs the banquet hall...whats the harm?
  
  It sounds like to me there may be underlying and unsaid issues about the wedding with your mother and this guest list thing has just been one more thing unexpected that has set you off to say something, when in the scheme of things this isnt the issue that matters, its something else she did youre not ok with.
  
  
  

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• lindseybruce member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  I completely know how you feel except mine is my MIL! We decided that we didn't really want a wedding but my MIL really wanted to give us one so we gave in and said ok just a small one. Well this has turned from 20 people into 60-75 and I don't even know half of them! I keep thinking that since my MIL is paying for it that I should just sit back and keep quiet but it is really stressing me. I now know after talking to several "neutral" parties that all decisions should go through my FI and I. No matter who is paying for it you still have a say and if the person paying for it doesn't understand then that is just wrong on their part. You and your FI are the center and reason for this "get together" so make sure you remind your mother of that when she reminds you that she is paying for it.

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• Missymice28 member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  @ lindseybruce- yes! I finally feel like I'm not alone. I understand what everyone is saying how money does mean lot but we didn't want any of the wedding and if we're going to do this then it is our day and I'd like to have some say in it. I think it's harder for you bc it's your MIL. At the moment my mother and I are no longer talking for the past couple weeks and we are still at each others throats. I hope things go better for you!

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