Serving H'or duerves in Place of Dinner?!?!?

Atrainor0202 · February 2010

HELP!!!!

We are trying to create a mingle atmosphere and want to serve h'or deurves in place of dinner. Ceremony starting at 4:30, Reception 5-9.
This is not a cost saver, it is just a preference so that people are moving around.

Looking at serving 10 h'or duerves, about 20+ pieces pp, will have passed and stationed.

Question is if this is enough?? Will state in the invitation.

Anyone been to a wedding set up like this??

Any thoughts are greatly appreciated!

Thank you,
Adrienne

wadingmoose · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_serving-hor-duerves-place-of-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:eb1c0f01-9aa0-4381-a715-fb69ce2f124aPost:b649884d-429a-4aab-bc19-eb49fe6754a0">Serving H'or duerves in Place of Dinner?!?!?</a>:
[QUOTE]HELP!!!! We are trying to create a mingle atmosphere and want to serve h'or deurves in place of dinner. Ceremony starting at 4:30, Reception 5-9. This is not a cost saver, it is just a preference so that people are moving around. Looking at serving 10 h'or duerves, about 20+ pieces pp, will have passed and stationed. Question is if this is enough?? Will state in the invitation. Anyone been to a wedding set up like this?? Any thoughts are greatly appreciated! Thank you, Adrienne
Posted by Atrainor0202[/QUOTE]

I'm always concerned when people want to force their guests to mingle. It's really not something you can force.

anna.oskar · February 2010

I was told that 15-20 pieces per person was enough to constitute a meal. I haven't been to a wedding like that, but plenty of parties that turned out well.

kate51485 · February 2010

Use more connecting words and less punctuation.

More constructively, I do agree with Moose and also, maybe people don't want to be walking around for 4 hours. It's nice to take a seat and relax. Will you have chairs and tables?

danieliza1127 · February 2010

I answered you on the Reception Ideas board. Just fyi, when you cross-post like this (posting the same thing on multiple boards), it's helpful if you put XP in the title of your post. So it would be XP: Serving Hors D'oeuvres in place of dinner?

ggmae · February 2010

Will you be upset if you decide to go with the apps instead of dinner, and then people don't mingle?

betrothed123 · February 2010

It sounds like you plan on having enough food, so that's good. Just make sure to have enough chairs for everyone to sit at the same time. If you don't people will not be happy. People typically don't like forced mingling at the expense of their comfort.

ohwhynot · February 2010

I personally love appetizers, and love having a variety of foods from which to choose, so I would really enjoy attending this reception. Just make sure, as pps have said, that there are plenty of chairs and tables. No one wants to juggle his/her plate and drink while trying to talk.

This may defeat your "people moving around" idea, though.

nthomas983 · February 2010

We're doing heavy hors d'oevres in place of a full dinner. However, we're also having tables and seating for everyone so that people can sit down and eat them LIKE a meal if they want.

It sounds like you'll have plenty of food and options, but agree with PPs that you should have plenty of seats for everyone. Not all of your guests will want to eat standing up. Especially while they're holding drinks. Trying to juggle all that stuff and carry on a conversation is not fun.

Atrainor0202 · February 2010

Thanks for the feedback.

There will be chairs (about 30) and some tables, a couch, and cocktail tables with no chairs, it is a very small setting, about 50 guests. I don't see how guests can avoid each other, not that they need to, everyone gets along!

mandybear7 · February 2010

Make sure you have some stationed appetizers as well, for example, cheese, meat, and crackers or mini sandwiches. I hate waiting for a waiter to come around with something I like.

betrothed123 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_serving-hor-duerves-place-of-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:eb1c0f01-9aa0-4381-a715-fb69ce2f124aPost:88f474ca-f873-485b-a9ff-45271dfa7d15">Re: Serving H'or duerves in Place of Dinner?!?!?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for the feedback. There will be chairs (about 30) and some tables, a couch, and cocktail tables with no chairs, it is a very small setting, about 50 guests.
Posted by Atrainor0202[/QUOTE]
This is unclear. Will you or will you not have enough seating for each and every guest to sit at the same time?

laurenclaire1386 · February 2010

I would seriously look into getting some more chairs. Attending a wedding in heels=me being pissed if I don't have a place to sit and rest my feet.

georgia_bride09 · February 2010

So 50 guests and 30 chairs? Good luck with that.

PsyDet 2155 · February 2010

Please make sure you have MORE than enough food for everyone. Drinking + not enough food = hungry, crabby guests. Also, you should have a seat for every person that is invited so people don't have to awkwardly stand around with plates and drinks in their hands.

kate51485 · February 2010

If you have 50 guests you need at least 50 chairs. I like putting my purse on a chair, so I would require deux chaises, SVP.

Atrainor0202 · February 2010

Thanks for the feedback everyone.

Well with 30 seats, and a couple of couches, there should be room for 75% of the guests to sit at one time. I am feeling good about that. And the other 25%, the cocktail tables for putting things down and gathering should suffice.

There definitely will be stationed foods so no one has to wait for passed food.

wadingmoose · February 2010

See, forced mingling.

Bad.

Nebb · February 2010

I must say I like the variation of seating/tables you have - instead of just all the same tables and seating. A friend of mine had an h'or dourves reception and had all of the same tables (seating 8) throughout the room, everyone sat down and no one got up and mingled or wandered around, most people stayed seated the entire evening. I think having a variation the way you have will atleast give it a different flow.

What kind of apps are you thinking of having, do you know yet?

evabee · February 2010

This is fine, people in the industry refer to it as dinner-by-the-bite and it can be a lot of fun as ohwhynot said in pp.

Do have additional seating, but keep in mind that sometimes the brain just does not comprehend dinner-by-the-bite and people still may think they're hungry because it's going on throughout dinner time. Having room for sitting down and plates may offset that. I know my FI can eat probably 50 bites in an hour and still feel like he needs dinner, it's just a trick of the mind!

What about a couple of stations?

kate51485 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_serving-hor-duerves-place-of-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:eb1c0f01-9aa0-4381-a715-fb69ce2f124aPost:a126de34-186f-43bc-a0f8-ad9308f094ff">Re: Serving H'or duerves in Place of Dinner?!?!?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for the feedback everyone. Well with 30 seats, and a couple of couches, there should be room for 75% of the guests to sit at one time. I am feeling good about that. And the other 25%, the cocktail tables for putting things down and gathering should suffice. There definitely will be stationed foods so no one has to wait for passed food.
Posted by Atrainor0202[/QUOTE]

Head, meet brick wall.

Why doesn't every guest deserve to sit at the same time?

Night_Sprite · February 2010

What if everyone wants a chair at the same time? What will you do when people are standing around awkwardly staring at you or asking you where the other chairs are? What if Grandma ends up in that 25% because she's slow to get to the reception?

lannerjarv · February 2010

i think this is fine for small "dinner party" but not for a wedding.
anything over 20 people would be forced.

i know that my guests actually mentioned that they loved the sit down dinner and the fact that i put them at tables with people they knew and wanted to sit with.

what is your reasoning behind wanting people to mingle?

hayleymajayley · February 2010

Give everyone a seat! That is just rude.

betz77 · February 2010

My mother is trying to get me to do this. I like the idea of a cocktail party type atmosphere too. I think a big variety of REALLY yummy canapés is a great idea. I always like the cocktail hour of weddings best.

You should maybe have a back up plan in case things run out? Like something that can be prepared if need be (and if you're having a caterer, you should talk to them about a back up) but that you can just take to a day after brunch or whatever (if you're having one) if it doesn't get used at the wedding.

CCBelle · February 2010

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_serving-hor-duerves-place-of-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:eb1c0f01-9aa0-4381-a715-fb69ce2f124aPost:a126de34-186f-43bc-a0f8-ad9308f094ff">Re: Serving H'or duerves in Place of Dinner?!?!?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for the feedback everyone. Well with 30 seats, and a couple of couches, there should be room for 75% of the guests to sit at one time. <strong> I am feeling good about that.</strong> And the other 25%, the cocktail tables for putting things down and gathering should suffice. There definitely will be stationed foods so no one has to wait for passed food.
Posted by Atrainor0202[/QUOTE]

Big mistake. I posted on the Reception board, but to sum up: not enough seats means the old people are going to hog them and your younger guests are going to be bitching about how much their feet hurt in their 4" heels.</div>

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · February 2010

If you don't have assigned seats, you should probably have about 60 chairs, total, for 50 guests. Then people can mingle. I do like the idea of mized seating and cocktail tables, but I also like having a chair that is "mine" at a wedding.

FutureMrsTR · February 2010

You need to actually have more seats than people because what if the two seats left for Grandma & Grandpa are on opposite sides of the room? Please don't make your guests play musical chairs. That will just make them leave early and then there won't be anyone there to mingle anyway.

bpage3 · February 2010

I am doing something similar and will have 8 tables with about 64 chairs plus living room (at an old manor) for 50-60 people.

We are doing cheese/crackers/fruit, hot spinach and artichoke dip on petite parmesan toast, assorted mini quiche, sweet potato and ham biscuits topped w/pineapple sauce, basil pasta w/roasted vegetables and parmesan + cake & grooms cake (and kids and vegan plates)

this is being confirmed on sunday so feel free to give feedback on my choices!

future-mrs · February 2010

Definitely agree with PP...you need seating to accomadate everyone. Loving the hors d'oeuvres idea though, FI and I are contemplating this as well but we're also leaning towards a later evening ceremony to "skip" dinner all together so guests don't expect something that is not there. Just keep that in mind.www.google.com/search?hl=en&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&hs=WSw&ei=v9h9S8zAHZGKnQeSlL3mCw&sa=X&oi=spellfullpage&resnum=0&ct=result&cd=2&ved=0CAcQvwUoAQ&&q=hors+d%27oeuvres&spell=1" class="spell">

jenluxsd · February 2010

please no more forced mingling! people that want to mingle will, no matter if its assigned seating or not!

I also hate hate hate weddings where there is not enough chairs for everyone there. I dont care that there will be bar tables to set your food on, it is so annoying.

I went to a wedding like this where they had some chairs and the people that sat in them hogged them all night! And these werent just the old folks either. These were young 30s dudes that just hogged all the seating and my friend and I were dying trying to juggle plates, drinks, squeezing our plates on the cocktail tables and standing in our heels. I was pissed. To this day, I still cite that as one of the worst weddings I went to, all because there was not enough seating!

People want to sit and relax when they eat. The mingling will commence after they are full and satisfied.

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