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Wedding boycott: If your gay friends don't show, it may be a boycott.

memSomervillememSomerville
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in 40-Plus Brides
Just caught this in the NY Times:

Not Going to the Chapel

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/22/opinion/22benjamin.html?_r=1

[QUOTE]I call on all gay people to join my boycott of straight weddings this summer, regardless of where their straight loved ones stand. Yes, our boycott may bruise some feelings. But then again, our inability to participate in this institution is hurtful and bruising, too. [/QUOTE]

Would he go to a same-sex wedding? Or are those off limits too? There's no discussion area to ask.

I think he has a point. The exclusion sucks. But I'm just not sure it's the most constructive way to get to the matter. Alientating your allies--some of whom do march in protest. FI has promised me when he comes here he'll help me fight DOMA--it was a condition of our engagement!

What do you think? Would you understand if a friend told you they were boycotting?
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Re: Wedding boycott: If your gay friends don't show, it may be a boycott.

  • right1thistimeright1thistime member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    If my gay friends explained it lovingly to me, I would understand.  I happen to live in a state where same sex marriage is legal, and am proud to say so.  I support Mass Equality, and have made legislative calls on their behalf.  I consider equal rights in my vote. 

    I agree that civil union is not the same thing.  ~Donna
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  • maglinpamaglinpa
    First Comment
    I, too, am a very understanding person and believe that everyone should be able to love whomever they love, express that love, and marry whomever they choose.  However, I would be hurt if my friends decided that boycotting my wedding was a means to that end.  As Lucy said, this is not a public arena to make that stand and would accomplish nothing other than hurting the bride and groom's feelings and them missing out on a wonderful ceremony and great party. 
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  • tenofcups4metenofcups4me member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    Similar to everyone else so far: I'm totally FOR gay marriage (and I think that civil unions alone are a BS cop-out -- by that definition, MY marriage would be a civil union since it wasn't religious and that's absurd). But I don't get the point of boycotting a friend's wedding. Only the friends would know; it makes no public stand and I don't think it achieves anything beyond possible hurt feelings.
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  • right1thistimeright1thistime member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    I think that sometimes you have to make your message personal. 

    In a state where same sex marriage is not legal, if a couple is getting married, but some of the people they love cannot do the same, one way to underscore how important marriage  is to the same sex couple is to make the loss personal to their loved ones.  Does it hurt the couple?  YES.  Perhaps they will want to do more to press their lawmakers to change the laws.

    People always want to cut government spending...until it cuts something they rely upon.  Laws that are not personal don't mean as much to many people.  ~Donna
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  • shytownkellyshytownkelly
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_40-plus-brides_wedding-boycott-gay-friends-dont-show-may-boycott?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:69dea60c-2319-4015-8380-4a5cc0f18476Discussion:ca58f1c4-da2d-4179-94c8-2042205afe97Post:5304e0d4-9da4-4a79-97a4-f4b5833b1c7e">Re: Wedding boycott: If your gay friends don't show, it may be a boycott.</a>:
    [QUOTE].  Does it hurt the couple?  YES.  Perhaps they will want to do more to press their lawmakers to change the laws.
    Posted by right1thistime[/QUOTE]

    But what if the couple being boycotted is already a very vocal activist and supporter?  I think it really is a case by case kind of thing. 

    I think I'd be pretty sad that a friend chose my wedding as the soap box to stand upon.  (I'm totally for gay marriage)

    Would it be the same if your Vegan friends decided to boycott your wedding because you weren't serving a 100% vegan meal?

    What about those that are active in the anti-sweatshop/child labor area?  Your dress *might* have been made in a sweatshop (or less than full unionized shop) - is it ok for them to boycott for that reason?

    I truly believe that you should stand up for what you believe in - but to do so at the detriment of a close friend?  a logical person weighs the pros and cons. 

    Just my 2 cents.
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  • 2dBride2dBride member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited May 2011
    I wouldn't do this, and I'm in a gay marriage!  However, I am also a believer that you shouldn't treat your allies less favorably than your opponents.  The only people who would be affected by this boycott would be those straight couples who have gay friends they care about enough to want to invite--the very ones who are least likely to oppose gay marriage in the first place.

    PS:  It appears he is boycotting only heterosexual marriages.  I still don't agree with him.  However, boycotting gay marriages to protest the unavailability of gay marriage would be really ridiculous.
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  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    If my gay friends/family told me they planned to boycott my wedding, I'd laugh, knowing it was a joke.  Good Lord! 

    That's like ... crap, I don't know what it's like, but it makes no sense.  In fact, it makes about as much sense as Westboro Baptist Church parishioners picketing at veterans' funerals.  Of course, it would be something published by the New York Times.  Harrumph!
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