Hello everyone! I'm relatively new to these boards, but I've been reading along and was hoping for a little input on what is turning into a pretty awful situation for my wedding.
I've been engaged a few months and the plan from the beginning (before I was engaged even!) was a simple, family only wedding at the cottage. No more than 25 people - cheap and cheerful style. My parents were initially thrilled and offered to pay for the wedding (giving me a very generous budget). I started planning my August 25th 2012 wedding almost immediately.
A few weeks into planning, my parents decided that they didn't want us at the cottage for the wedding. They decided it was too many people to host for the day and they'd prefer we go somewhere else - they contacted a few of the resorts in the area for us and pointed us toward a few places with great wedding packages. I wasn't thrilled since I'd had my heart set on the cottage, but it's their property and they're footing the bill - so I went with it and started planning again.
I selected the venue, started shopping for vendors and decorations with my parents blessing. I was starting to feel like everything was coming together (Again). This saturday, they pulled the rug out from under me (again!) and decided that my vision didn't match what they had wanted and they want me to change the plans ... and they're going to revise the budget because they feel that the type of wedding I was planning doesn't justify the cost and they want to be more involved in the planning process (after they spent about 4 hours berating me for my decisions while I cried, and basically told me that I had no idea what the hell I'm doing).
Obviously, the plan moving forward is to thank them for their very generous offer, let them know I'll be paying for the wedding myself and I'll let em know where and when I'm having it but it's not up for discussion anymore and start planning again - for the third (and final) time.
The only problem with this is that with all the false starts and upset, the thought of having my small cottage style wedding (with my parents sighing, judging and fighting the whole way) is making me sick to my stomach. It's been so incredibly stressful that I'm done with it. I want a stress free, destination wedding and if I'm prefectly honest - that's all I can afford on my own anyway. Unfortunately, if I have a destination wedding it's pretty likely that my parents won't be able to attend. My dad has some health issues that might prevent him from being able to aqcuire travellers health insurance. I hate the idea of them not being there.
This is completely out of character for them. They're usually very supportive and helpful. I would have never imagined that a wedding would make them become completely unglued like this. It's kind of devestating.
So, I guess this is the long way of asking what you would do in my shoes:
*I would be paying for options 1, 2 or 3 myself. Option 4 would make them very happy, but it's not my style and I don't want it at all.
1) Have the wedding you want with the risk that your family might not be able to make it?
2) Find a way to have a very small, close to home wedding knowing that your family will be there... even if they're grumbling and fighting the whole way?
3) Say to hell with the whole thing and elope?
4) Say to hell with the whole thing and let them throw the 200 person, huge venue wedding that they want and can brag to all of their friends about?
Would you do something else entirely?
Sorry for the novel. I guess it's a longer story than I though.