Unsure how I feel about my friends bridal shower.

Melissa.hylton · May 2012

One of my BM is getting married next week. They are running off to Maui and tying the knot. None of the friends are going and select family members are attending. I received an FB invite a couple weeks ago in regards to a shower for her hosted by one of her coworkers.

Invite read:

Hi ladies! Time for a BRIDAL SHOWER for miss D! It will be the NIGHT before the big bachelorette party & all you ladies are invited! Time to break out the bubbly & shower our beautiful bride with love & gifts as she leaves her single life behind and enters a whole new chapter of WIFEY!! The party will be at my house on Friday, May 11 at 7pm-9pm! I know it's a work night so if you're a little late that's totally fine!

----AS FOR GIFTS -- In lieu of gifts, this is one time where cash is better than plastic, so that she can use it on her HAWAIIAN HONEYMOON

Also! If you'd like to bring a drink of choice or appetizer, feel free! We'll be having pizza for dinner so come hungry!! See you then! Xoxo!

Now I dont mind buying her a gift or giving her cash but at the same time it seems like the only focus of this party is to bring her gifts and be gone. Its only 2 hours long and we have the option to bring food. It just feels wrong in many ways. Im not upset or mad but its just leaving me with an uneasy feeling like very unappreciated.

BmoreBride311 · May 2012

Were you invited to her wedding and just can't go, or did she only invite family?

Either way, I agree that I would feel a little annoyed with that kind of invitation and the blatent cash request, but I'm sure it does happen all of the time. I would still try to go if she's a good friend. If you don't want to give cash, though, you shouldn't feel obligated to just b/c of the invitation. So I would just give/bring what you're comfortable with.

tfunicello · May 2012

If she's having a DW with only a very few close family members, she's not playing into the whole hoopla. I think it makes sense that she would have a small, quick shower. It was a FB message, there's pizza for dinner, no real presents are expected... Just sounds like a low key good time to me.

ski2play · May 2012

I get the CW excitement and wanting to share an evening of fun for her friend (and your friend). But the way the invitiation comes across is not the best. Go to the shower if you can, she is one of your nearest and dearest (aka BM) and if possible you should support her. Get her a gift of your choosing.

michelle11988 · May 2012

I would say go and bring a gift or cash, whichever you prefer. I think the party-thrower is just excited for her friend to be getting married and wants to get her all the traditional parties before she has a DW. It sounds like a casual low key party.

toomanychoices17 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_unsure-how-i-feel-about-my-friends-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:2ea32cc5-6390-4188-8553-6de6df38a5cdPost:7b8c4e34-6a12-42cc-8b84-15fedd4a24ba">Re: Unsure how I feel about my friends bridal shower.</a>:
[QUOTE]I would say go and bring a gift or cash, whichever you prefer. I think the party-thrower is just excited for her friend to be getting married and wants to get her all the traditional parties before she has a DW. It sounds like a casual low key party.
Posted by michelle11988[/QUOTE]

I agree with all of this this. The girl throwing the party didn't phrase it well, but don't forget that the bride probably has no idea how she invited the other guests/asked for cash gifts.

Carla1019 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_unsure-how-i-feel-about-my-friends-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:2ea32cc5-6390-4188-8553-6de6df38a5cdPost:50fb1855-d4a9-4781-a732-f6551392f09c">Unsure how I feel about my friends bridal shower.</a>:
[QUOTE]One of my BM is getting married next week. They are running off to Maui and tying the knot. None of the friends are going and select family members are attending. I received an FB invite a couple weeks ago in regards to a shower for her hosted by one of her coworkers. Invite read: Hi ladies! <strong>Time for a BRIDAL SHOWER for miss D! It will be the NIGHT before the big bachelorette party & all you ladies are invited! </strong>Time to Posted by Melissa.hylton[/QUOTE]

So she is having a shower one night and then a big bachelorette party the next. If I were you I would skip the shower and go to the bachelorette party. You can bring her gift or cash then. This way you can spend more time with her than just 2 hours.

arunkumar · May 2012

Maybe just get her a gift card to BBB or Macy's so that she buys something for her home with it, if you don't want to contribute toward her honeymoon. I do think it's weird that the host asked everyone to bring a dish. If someone is going to host, they should provide the food. I wouldn't bring a dish because of that. I agree with PP, the bride probably doesn't know that the host asked everyone to bring cash.

mbody · May 2012

I think this is rude in so many ways. First and foremost, I don't think anyone should be invited to a shower who isn't invited to the wedding. If she chose to get married in Hawaii with only family, then she should have declined the shower. Second, requesting money for the wedding as a shower gift is beeyyyyooond tacky! No shiit Sherlock, everyone knows cash is a nice gift. Third, the 'host' is also asking people to bring food. So, basically, you can bring food, bring cash, and then aren't invited to the wedding. Nice.

FWIW, I wouldn't attend the shower. I'd just go to the b-party the next evening, hang out with my friend, and maybe bring her something small for a gift for that.

mbody · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_unsure-how-i-feel-about-my-friends-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:2ea32cc5-6390-4188-8553-6de6df38a5cdPost:7b8c4e34-6a12-42cc-8b84-15fedd4a24ba">Re: Unsure how I feel about my friends bridal shower.</a>:
[QUOTE]I would say go and bring a gift or cash, whichever you prefer. I think the party-thrower is just excited for her friend to be getting married and wants to get her all the traditional parties before she has a DW. It sounds like a casual low key party.
Posted by michelle11988[/QUOTE]
Excitement shouldn't be an excuse for bad etiquette. And, no one should be invited to a shower who isn't invited to the wedding. And yeah, it's a real casual party when the guests are asked to bring food. This is nothing more than a 'girl's night' except for the fact they were requested to bring cash for the bride making it a 'shower.'

mbody · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_unsure-how-i-feel-about-my-friends-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:2ea32cc5-6390-4188-8553-6de6df38a5cdPost:93598bb4-a6e6-4d8c-b1df-893e9fba56c1">Re: Unsure how I feel about my friends bridal shower.</a>:
[QUOTE]If she's having a DW with only a very few close family members, she's not playing into the whole hoopla. I think it makes sense that she would have a small, quick shower. It was a FB message, there's pizza for dinner, <strong>no real presents are expected</strong>... Just sounds like a low key good time to me.
Posted by tfunicello[/QUOTE]
So, what about the request of cash? Cash is a real present.

LADY324 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_unsure-how-i-feel-about-my-friends-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:2ea32cc5-6390-4188-8553-6de6df38a5cdPost:689261f9-dde7-48be-8dae-e827f1c5ba49">Re: Unsure how I feel about my friends bridal shower.</a>:
[QUOTE]I think this is rude in so many ways. First and foremost, I don't think anyone should be invited to a shower who isn't invited to the wedding. If she chose to get married in Hawaii with only family, then she should have declined the shower. Second, requesting money for the wedding as a shower gift is beeyyyyooond tacky! No shiit Sherlock, everyone knows cash is a nice gift. Third, the 'host' is also asking people to bring food. So, basically, you can bring food, bring cash, and then aren't invited to the wedding. Nice. FWIW, I wouldn't attend the shower. I'd just go to the b-party the next evening, hang out with my friend, and maybe bring her something small for a gift for that.
Posted by mbody[/QUOTE]

I agree with this!!! The shower seems way too gift grabby. I would just go to the bach party.

mekiakoo · May 2012

I agree, the way the invitation was worded seems a bit tacky. But if you're planning on going to the bachelorette party, I would just say to go to that one instead.

butterflyjumper1 · May 2012

agree with mbody. everything about this invitation is wrong. they are asking for cash and asking you (the guests) to bring the food!

It's one thing to have a low-key shower - I would totally understand wanting it to be low key, saying you can BYOB if you want (that wouldn't offend me), even just hosting pizza. But it is not the place of the hostess to tell guests to bring CASH!

A friend of mine had a destination wedding (which I did attend) but she invited SO. MANY. PEOPLE. to her shower. I was mingling with a woman who told me she was their closest family friend, but that she was excited to attend the shower since she had not been invited to the wedding. It was really awkward. granted, she did not request cash and the shower was very classy otherwise.

If I were you, I would buy her something cute, meaningful, and inexpensive - a framed photo or something like that. I would never give in to a request for $$.

bridetobe71412 · May 2012

This is tacky on every single level imaginable. Ditto mbody.

Melissa.hylton · May 2012

I have no issues with attending the party and have every intention to attend. I wasnt invited to the wedding. I cant attend the bachelorette party becuase I am going out of town to vist family that lives 4 hours away, so this is my only real chance to celebrate with her.

My issues are it just seems really grab and go. The food part was updated yesterday too. Its not like it was in the original invite.

I basically plan to give her cash.Fi is dropping me off and picking me up in case I do choose to partake in the party booze.

Unsure how I feel about my friends bridal shower.

Re: Unsure how I feel about my friends bridal shower.

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